Things That Make A Man Think

Kayloch made his way out to the truck and sat in the driver’s seat. He lit a cigarette. He took three long drags. He coughed and snorted, then flung the truck door open and spit. The tears stung as they filled his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He picked up his phone. He stared blankly at the screen for a long moment. He ought to call her mother. He lay the phone back down on the console and flicked the ashes from his cigarette. He knew this surgery thing was a bad idea. Anytime a doctor cut a person open, it was a bad idea. How many times had they cut his dad open before the cancer finally got him? He lowered his head and let the tears roll out. Part of him wished he hadn’t taken the boy out to his grandmother’s house. Logan was a comfort when he felt particularly low. He was an excellent hugger. Kayloch chuckled a little, sniffled, and searched blindly for a fast-food napkin in the glove compartment. Finding a pile of them, he pulled one out and blew his nose hard.

It was a routine laparoscopic surgery. That’s what the doctors had said. They did a hundred of them every day throughout the medical system. Kayloch wasn’t so sure. Thea wasn’t really having trouble with her gall bladder, but the doctors had insisted it needed to come out sooner rather than later. She’d done all the prep. She’d showered three times with the awful-smelling antibacterial soap they’d given her at the office. She hadn’t eaten anything since dinner-time last night. At six-thirty in the morning, she’d sat playing on her phone in the waiting room, calm as a koala sleeping in a eucalyptus tree.

Kayloch had anxiously fidgeted with his keys. Only three weeks ago, at 37 years old, he’d decided to go and get a driver’s license. He’d never needed one before Thea came into his life. 

They’d been together 4 years, married for 2 of them. She was great for him. She’d opened his eyes to all kinds of fun things. Most importantly, she’d made him a dad. True, their teenage son wasn’t biologically his, but in the 21st century, biology counted for next to nothing when it came to kids. At his insistence, she’d written a will, in the event that anything bad would happen, he would be able to keep and raise the boy as his own. He’d made his way uneasily to the restroom three or four times in the thirty minutes since their arrival time. He’d paced the width of the room three times. His apprehension had been through the roof and he’d left his pills in the car. He couldn’t have even gone get them then, as they could’ve called Thea back at any moment. He’d ambled over to her chair and placed an affectionate kiss on the top of her head. She’d smiled up at him and turned her attention back to the game she was playing on her phone. 

“Thea?”

A short round nurse had called her name. Thea had gathered her jacket, purse, and phone and followed the nurse to a curtained-off cubicle. She’d quickly undressed and pulled on the purple paper gown that was customary in these same-day surgeries in central Pennsylvania.

“You okay?” she’d said, breaking into Kayloch’s thoughts.

“Yeah, babe, I’m fine. I just,” he’d scanned the wall of blinking and beeping machines, “hate hospitals, you know.”

She’d smiled that sweet smile. “I know, baby. You can find something to do for a couple hours. You don’t have to wait here.”

He’d released a tense chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere. They said it would only take two hours.” He’d hugged and kissed her and returned to the waiting room as doctors and nurses began an organized parade in and out of the cubicle. Time dragged. He’d only left to take their son to his grandmother’s house. 

Thea’s surgeon had been waiting for him when he returned. “Hey doc, what’s going on?”

The doctor had wiped his head with is surgical cap and twisted it between his hands. “Well, things didn’t go exactly as planned.”

Kayloch’s stomach had curled into an agitated knot. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, she’s alright. She’s okay. But she’s going to have to stay a while.” The doctor had explained that there had been an incident. Thea’s liver had fallen on his laparoscopic scalpel and it had sliced through a main artery. She’d very nearly bled out. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll be moving her up to a room as soon as one opens. You can see her shortly.” “

Kayloch had cleared his throat, fighting tears. “You’re sure she’s okay?”

“Yes, sir,” the doctor’d replied. “Everything’s been taken care of. She’ll just have to be here a few days so we can give her some blood and iron treatments to get her numbers back up. I imagine Sunday you should be able to take her home.”

“Sunday?” The hospital was a 30 mile round trip from their house. Thea had opted for this one rather than the hospital up the hill because they’d offered her a sooner surgery here. For a same-day surgery, it wasn’t a big deal, but going home and coming back day after day would be tough on their sixteen year-old truck. He’d nervously shook the doctor’s hand. “Thanks, doc, I appreciate it.” 

It was only ten o’clock in the morning and his world had been turned upside down. His whole life was in post-op, barely conscious on a gurney waiting for a room. He wasn’t sure how to handle this. Thea handled things like these. He blew his nose a second time and picked up his phone again to qualmishly dial his mother-in-law. She didn’t answer. He left a message and tried to dial the aunt who’d raised him. It only rang twice before his mother-in-law beeped in.

“Is she awake? Is she okay?” Thea’s mother wanted to know. Kayloch inadvertently sniffled. “Kay, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“The doctor says she’s fine,” he managed.

His mother-in-law wasn’t convinced. “What happened? What took so long?” Kayloch relayed what the surgeon had told him. “But she’s alright now?” He nodded, forgetting he was on the phone. “Kay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay now.” He assumed she was okay. He didn’t mention that he hadn’t gone in to see her yet. “I’m gonna get back in there.” He promised to call back if there was any news and disconnected. He sent a lengthy text message to his aunt about what had happened but declined her phone call as he walked back into the hospital.

They’d been arguing recently. He’d gotten angry at her for defending her son’s behavior. It wasn’t that he was a bad kid, he just didn’t listen. Thea’d boldly talk back when she felt a punishment he’d laid on was overly harsh. Kayloch didn’t appreciate being told he was wrong, and it inevitably lead to a fight that ended with him sleeping on the couch. He imagined what might happen to him and his son if she didn’t come home with them in a few days. The tears rolled down his cheeks. There was no reason for it. He couldn’t believe he let himself fight with his angel over something so stupid. He needed to try harder to control his temper.

Thea was, indeed, okay. She was pale and weak, but she was sitting partly up in her bed and talking softly to the nurses in spurts as he slipped into the room the front desk lady directed him to. He wished he could crush her to him. He wanted to hug her so tight, releasing all his distress and relief into her. She wouldn’t be able to take that at this moment though. She was in a lot of pain. Even the twinkle in her blue-gray eyes seemed dimmer. She was just barely her. 

Kayloch leaned over the bed and pulled her very gently to him. He carefully kissed her forehead. She smiled a halfhearted attempt at her sweet smile. She had that image of a person very near death, then saved in the nick of time by some miracle of modern medicine. Four or five new bags hung on the IV pole where only the saline had been that morning. He sat down beside the bed and held her hand. “Are you okay?” she breathed at him. He nearly chuckled. Beeping machines, tubes, and wires circled all around her, her eyes barely open, and she wanted to know if he was okay. He nodded. “I’m sorry, baby.”

He wrinkled his brow. “What do you think you did wrong, sweetie?”

She looked at him, then around at the nurses milling about. “I just didn’t mean to scare you.”

He traced circles on the front of her wrist just below her IV site. “It’s alright, baby. You’re okay now. I’m going to go home and let you get some rest. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” She nodded. Kayloch had seen his share of movies where people had been hit by moving vehicles lay in hospital beds like this. Thea didn’t look much different. “I love you.” She blew him a kiss with her opposite hand and closed her eyes.

“She’s going to be really tired for the first day or two,” a nurse said to him. “I’ll call you if anything happens, alright? They have your number at the desk?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Backing out of the hospital room, he looked at her sleeping form and fought back tears again. What would these nurses think of him, blubbering like a small child as he made his way out of the hospital? His wife was relatively out of danger and would be coming home with him in just a few days. There was no reason for him to be so emotional. He would tell her all about his silly reactions when she felt better. They could laugh at him together.

Thea wouldn’t laugh, though. She would hug him close, kiss his forehead, and tell him how much she loved him. He couldn’t wait. He missed her so much already.

1696wds