Fire and Ice

Hi, my names Alice, and I'm an introvert. I know most people see introverts as these alienated beings who are always wrapped up in blankets, binge watching movies and hissing at anyone who comes into their room. Well, the truth is… we also have an emergency snack drawer in case we get hungry and don't want to come out of our rooms; we're like hamsters, only when we feel anxious, we don't run in the wheel, but simply lie down and listen to Alec Benjamin for three hours. 

I’m not surprised I don’t know a lot of other introverts; we tend to avoid interaction at all costs with people who aren’t our friends or family. And I’m not saying this lightly, I would do anything to avoid eye contact. one time, I was walking behind Luke Miller, who suddenly stopped, which made me bump into him really hard and fall. I could somewhat see through my bangs that he was giving me his hand to help me get up, but too embarrassed to look at him, I said ‘sorry’, quickly stood up and ran in the other direction. Worst part is, I know how weird my actions look, but I can’t help it; the only way I function is to act awkward and then feel awkward, that’s how I am… around most people.

My best friends name is Charlie. He’s like a human version of a golden retriever: communicative, full of energy, extroverted and eats pizza even if it fell on the floor. I’ve never seen Charlie without his US flag bandana, he says it’s a movie reference and even though I don’t get it, I think it looks pretty cool. It’s actually why we’re friends in the first place. I was volunteering at a concession stand in my school when he approached and quietly started browsing through school merch. I’ve never noticed him before, as I mostly look at the floor when I walk, but the bandana he wore seemed familiar, so I asked if he was a student here.

‘Um yeah, don’t you remember last week when we got in the same bus afterschool? We were basically sitting next to each other for like half an hour!’

‘oh, I don’t think I noticed you, my bad haha.’ I laughed nervously and looked away. I really didn’t remember him, even though I wanted to.

He continued looking around the stand, like he was searching for something, then swiftly locked eye contact with me and asked, smiling:

‘Do you have any hats or bandanas or stuff like that? I could really use a new one, don’t you think?’

I was creeped out how intensely he stared at me, I didn’t even see him blink for a long time. Then all of a sudden, I started blurting out exactly what I was thinking:

‘Sure, but I think I like that bandana more than these hats here.’

Charlie let out a chuckle and looked over the counter, where the hats were.

‘Alright, so what’s your expertise on these hats, aren’t they worth buying?’

‘Eh, products are fine, they’re just too expensive, and If you actually had forty-five bucks, I assume you’d instantly waste it on snacks or drinks.’

‘Good judge of character!’

I didn’t realize it at that time, but I was opening up to him; I was being me, without feeling tense or awkward.

We both started giggling, put on some slightly expensive hats and imitated rich old guys.

‘I believe this hat suits me quite well!’ said Charlie with a British accent, stroking his imaginary moustache. ‘I simply can’t get enough of this posh accessory!’

‘Indeed, my god sire!’ I answered back and laughed. Then with a normal voice, I put my hand out. ‘I’m Alice, by the way.’

‘Charlie’ He replied, shaking my hand. ‘So, you don’t think I need a new hat, for example like this one?’

‘Nah, keep the bandana, it suits you more.’

We both smiled. After a pause and a silent moment, he knocked on the counter and said. ‘Okay well, see you around Alice.’

‘Bye!’ I watched him enter the school building and shut the door behind him.

most of the time, I felt relieved when people stopped talking to me, but this time, I wanted to follow Charlie wherever he was going and spend more time with him. That was how I knew I would be able to open up to him.

After that day, we started talking all the time and we noticed we even had some classes together. Even though he had a big group of friends he sat with during lunch, we still talked on the bleachers when we were both free. He offered to introduce me to his friends, but I would have preferred to stick my head in a dishwasher.

One day, I heard my phone making this awful sound, almost like an alarm. I panicked and looked at the phone only to find out Charlie was calling me.

‘Who calls anymore?!’ I exclaimed and hung up in an annoyed manner, messaging him to text me next time. His text said to pick up the phone, then another call came in and drilling my ears until I was forced to pick up.

‘Why are you calling me, just text!’ I said angrily, tapping my fingers on my table.

‘N00o Alice, I have something awesome to tell you. So you know how some of my friends are in a party planning committee right? Well, they invited me to this huuuge party with like a lot of-’

‘nope! Not doing that! As you said, too many people!’

‘You don’t have a choice okay? You’re my introvert, I basically adopted you as a friend, so I’m dragging you to this party even if I’ll need to kidnap you!’

‘jeez, that got a little dark, don’t you think? Besides, the last episodes of ‘Workplace’ is on and I need to know what happens to Johns character at the end.’

‘As I said, there’s a party, I’ll pick you up at five, try not to wear one of those potato-looking dresses you have, and you can watch ‘Workplace’ tomorrow, okay?’

I didn’t respond.

‘Alice!’

‘Ugh fiiine, I’ll see if I have something nice to wear.’

‘good, see you soon!’

As he hung up, I fell on my bed and mewled while hugging my pillow. I knew he was trying to do something fun for me, but I wasn’t sure if I enjoyed crowded parties. I felt much better at home, plus, people could dance at home too, like I did in front of a mirror, with a locked door.

I took out my oversized ACDC t-shirt and put a belt around it, making it look like a knee-high dress. I put on my black boots, some bracelets and few necklaces, which matched with my hair and completed the rocker look.

I heard Charlies car in the drive-way, so I fixed my bangs and went outside.

Charlies jaw dropped when he saw me get in the car.

‘Dude! That’s such a cool look! Why haven’t you been dressing like that in school, everyone would love it!’

‘Meh, it doesn’t feel like a casual look for me. Besides, It’s not very comfortable, especially if I wore it for the entire day.’

‘Suit yourself!’ Charlie drove with utmost carefulness, which made me feel safe, but I was still nervous to go to a big party; I’ve never been to one of those before, but at least Charley was going to be there, which made me more relieved; As he always said, he was my extrovert, which meant he knew more about the outside social world then me and I should just follow his lead. If he ever decided to lock himself in a room, I would be happy to guide him and teach him how to do nothing and fully relax.

The car stopped. We got out and headed towards the house near the front lawn, where you could hear chattering and occasional crunching of party mix chips. People were scattered everywhere around the entrance, yet we hadn’t even gone inside. I swallowed a frog in my throat and took a deep breath, while Charlie strutted beside me, his hands in his pockets, casually humming along with the song that was playing.

As we reached the door, I instantly felt tired, like I needed to go back home and recharge, but by the time I looked back, I realized we had walked through the front yard and we were now standing in front of the door; it was too late.

‘after you Alice.’ Charlie smiled and nudged me into the room. When I looked up, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the disco ball, slowly rotating and shining multiple colors of bright light all around the room. Those colors were falling onto the party snacks stable at the corner of the room, onto people’s clothes as each outfit was uniquely reflecting colors and onto many other objects of the living room, which were sadly pushed close to the walls so that people could have a place to dance. I was overwhelmed by this chaotic, but also quite entertaining image before me. people were dancing, some were doing karaoke at the back and some were talking and drinking fizzy drinks, but all of them had one thing in common: they were all having fun without trying so hard. So why was I so different? Why wasn’t I having fun? I started to spiral out, overthinking everything happening around me. I didn’t know what to do, so I looked at Charlie for guidance.

‘um, Charl-’

‘CHARLIE MY MAN!’ Someone shouted from the other side of the room and waved so we could see.

‘Is that you Stevie? Hold on, I’m coming, I haven’t seen you in a while man! I’ll be right back, just have fun, okay?’

And as he disappeared in the crowd, I was left alone. I didn’t know how to act around so many people, I didn’t know who to talk to, I didn’t know if people already talking arrived at the party together and I would be some random person trying to talk to them, which would be kind of awkward. There it was. I started being way too antisocial again, which always disappeared when I was hanging out with Charlie and as long as he had my back, I would be somewhat open, but once he left, I instantly became reserved and uncommunicative. People seemed to be having fun and I stood there trying to figure out why I couldn’t do that. My strategy was to look at certain groups of people who had just arrived and do what they did. I saw a couple of girls come inside, chattering and laughing, then going over to the drinks and snacks table and grabbing couple of things. I quickly followed. The table was on the other side of the room, so that meant I had to go through the dance floor first, which meant people would be jumping around and dancing and I would be the only one not dancing. Would it be too awkward walking through so many dancing people? Would I interfere with them and would they be annoyed with me? I didn’t want to cause any trouble, I slowed down, took out my phone, pretended like I got a text from someone, turned the other direction and head towards the exit. I was going to take the public transport and get home early, finish watching the ‘workplace’ and go to sleep, sounded like a good ending. I already had everything planned out until Charlie grabbed my hand.

‘Where are you going?’ I stopped and turned around. I was mad at him for leaving me alone, but I was madder at myself for not being too weird to function.

‘Where did you go?’ I asked, upset.

‘A friend called me, so I talked to him a little bit… are you alright, you seem overwhelmed.’

Like always, I started to tell him what I was really feeling.

‘Charlie when you left I didn’t know how to act, because I’ve never been in this kind of situation before. I depended on you, remember? You’re my extrovert… you were supposed to be guiding me through all of this.’ I looked into his eyes and slowly saw how Charlies expression changed; he lowered his eyes and stared at the ground- he was feeling guilty.

‘I’m sorry Alice, you know I get caught up in the moment, I don’t think it was right of me to leave you here. After all, you are my introvert.’ He scratches his forehead and looks up at me. ‘tell you what- hold my hand, so that way we can’t get separated again, what do you say?’

I sighed and took his hand. After a while I chucked.

‘What are you smiling about?’ Charlie asked curiously.

‘You know; you can be a handful sometimes.’

‘Please don’t.’

‘Whaaat, it was a great pun!’

‘Here’s a great pun: The dancer never stays at a party long; he just swings by.’

We started laughing.

‘Oh by the way, look what I bought you.’ Charlie takes out the hat from the concession stand, where we met. I took the hat, staggered and I put it on.

‘Charlie, I’m chuffed to bits!’ I exclaimed in a British accent.

‘hahaha indeed, indeed. Shall we?’ He led the way to the dance floor, which was just a center of the guestroom, but was filled with people from our school. I loved the song that was playing, so I started nodding my head, as Charlie let go of my hand and started doing the craziest moves: moonwalking, doing the worm, dubstep, it’s like he was doing everything he had seen on tv. Some started to stare, because of how much effort he was putting in, but that just made me feel like also going all out.

Charlie and I started jumping up and down, signing along with the song and laughing, it was as if something finally clicked, as I looked around and realized I was not scared of what people might think anymore, I was going with the flow, like Charlie and everyone else. In the first time in a while, around so many people, I felt free, confident and most importantly- happy.

‘Hey Charlie?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Next week, we’re going to my house for movie night.’

‘That sounds great.’