Heaven Is a Quiet Place

"I thought Heaven would be a quiet place but this is downright eerie and lonely. Where is everybody?"

"You're here, finally."

"Where am I? Who are you?"

"You said it best: Heaven. I'm your angel, I was sent here to answer your questions."

"Sent by who?"

"Your Maker."

" … What happens next?"

"They always say that."

"Say what?"

"Your kind is always so interested in knowing what happens next. You don't even have a clue what just happened prior. Do you remember your past life?"

"No. Not at all. I remember... fragments. That's about it."

"Do you think you were a good person?"

"Maybe."

"Good: there's no such thing."

"How long have I been here?"

"You've never left."

"I... don't understand."

"You lived a long and fruitful life but you're here and have learned nothing. Curious."

"What did I do in my past life?"

"It's more about what you didn't do. What constitutes as a 'wrongdoing' to someone like you?"

"Someone like me? I... I do remember some of it now. I had a family and children."

"Good. Do you miss them?"

"... Yes."

"You can lie when you're down there but you can't lie to me."

"No, I don't miss them."

"And what brought you to that feeling?"

"How did I die? When did I die? It feels like I just woke up here."

"You did. 'When' is less important. You died through an unchecked growth in your neck. It pinched a serious nerve and you passed soundly in your sleep."

"But... why?"

"Why? Everyone has to go. It's part of their contract."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time one of you passes from the flesh to the spirit you're left to speak with me. You can go back at any time but you can't leave until you're done."

"What if I said no?"

"Then I'll leave you here in Heaven with all of the silence and space you could ever want."

"Why am I the only one in Heaven?"

"You're not. Look around, do you not see everyone?"

"No. It's just a white void of clouds. I don't even see you."

"I am above you."

"So you're the pale light in the sky?"

"As far as you envision me. I have been described in a myriad of appearances. Some fear me as the Devil."

"Are you the Devil?"

"Your kind made those words up and fabricated the images attached. The only reason you'd like to think I speak in your primitive tongue is because you will not let go."

"Let go of what?"

"How many different days did you wish for it to be over? You prayed silently that we would take you in your sleep. You asked God for a favor to rid you of the labor and the hardships of supporting a family. It was everything you worked towards and then you beckoned for us in the dark. Humans are strange like that. They fight their whole lives against death until they don't. Then it consumes them like obsession."

"I didn't think if I died it would be this lonely."

"Dependency on you isn't so bad now, is it?"

"If I go back, will I see them all again?"

"Depends, will you abandon them again?"

"I never abandoned them."

"You put food on their table with gritting teeth. You tucked them in with a sneer. You fell asleep on the couch with another beer. You never did anything wrong but you never did anything good."

"Then what does it mean to be a good man? I strayed from evil and from hurting people."

"But you were never happy and therefore you were not a good man."

"If that's all it takes, then why let murderers roam with punishment leering over their heads?"

"I do not account for your actions on earth. I have met those murderers in this same pale, gray spot. They've seen me as demons trying to take their life away. I do no such thing. Humans hold onto their guilt, their grief, and their longings when they arrive here. This is why Heaven is so lonely to you, I'd presume."

"Was I a bad person because I secretly hated my family? No, I didn't hate them. I was just tired and... I don't know."

"You were full of self-loathing. You wanted your family to save you from your own thoughts instead of trying to save them."

"I always wanted the best for them."

"But never yourself."

"And what do you know?"

"Everything that you know. Down to the very thought."

"Down to the thought?"

"Every single thought you've ever had."

"I'm sorry for the way I treated them."

"It means nothing to me."

"Could I do it differently this time?"

"Hm, could you?"

"I want to see them again."

"You'd have to start all over."

"Fine, I'll do anything to see her again. I'll do anything to see my kids run across the lawn in the glaring morning sun. One more day to bring home my wife a box of chocolates, please. One more day with Buck, the sweetest damn dog I've ever had. That dog used to tell I was in pain and he'd lick my wound. My wife would do this too and she'd bring me my favorite cup of joe every morning."

"Do you have any other questions? I'll be here to answer them all."

"I want to go back. Can I see her again?"

"It's very likely you would. However, the circumstances would be differing. It'd be the same spirit in a different mask."

"I want to go back. Take me back."

"Are you sure? I have plenty to answer for-"

"No, I just wanna try it one more time. Please."

"So be it. You will forget this entire engagement until next time. I cannot help you or answer anymore of your questions. It may hurt just as badly as last time. Not many know this, but if you leave through suicide too often: your chances of going back are slim. Not impossible but slim."

"Can I go back, please? I miss them."

"Yes, I'll take you back. But you have to live the entire life all the way through. We do not punish or reward anyone. These are all rules and guidelines that you created on a whim. If you go back, that moral compass could heavily shift. I've had men in my Heaven that hurt children, hurt women, and hurt the elderly. When I take you back down there: it'll hurt. We have to push past the protective bubble against the sky and you'll be burned into the flesh once more. But if this is what you want: I will return you to that special place. One day I'll see you again and you can let me know when you're done- or maybe you'll finally be done. Heaven is a quiet place that will linger in the limbo of eternity until you're done with even Heaven. Hold your breath and close your eyes, you'll feel a light shock and some soft mutilation. See you again, child."