My Road Trip

MY ROAD TRIP

I had a sumptuous dinner of Indian flatbread, side dishes, salads and yoghurt. Prayed dutifully and started towards my bedroom. The very sight of my bed created mild tremors in me, for they give me the nightmares which I dread of. I’m getting them for few months now.

I meditated today, as suggested by Megha, my best friend. I tried to sleep. But after about an hour, the demons started to overpower me. They made me shiver, quiver and shudder. And then at last I woke up screaming and trembling. I sat down on my bed, perspiring. My mom rushed into my room, hearing my screams. She applied ‘tilak’ on my forehead, chanted some prayers and put me to sleep. I assured her that I’d be fine and she went back to her room.

The next morning at office, I narrated the previous night’s episode to Megha. She suggested that I meet a psychiatrist. I agreed reluctantly. She booked an appointment with a renowned person in the field, Dr.Richard, for the following evening.

I fought with the demons that night as well. Even I got convinced that I needed medical help.

Dr.Richard, turned out to be a calm and polite person, in his mid-fifties. His clinic had a very pleasant ambience. He may be comfortable in his room, and Megha was seated in the waiting hall. Though he seemed to be a kind person, I was little apprehensive about the whole idea of taking a psychiatrist’s help.

He asked a few basic questions, 

“Tell me Riya, how much do you love your family”

“Do you have a boyfriend”

“How do you handle your team people, when they make mistakes”

The questions then started to become personal. 

“Riya I will be able to help you, if you could be more honest with me” 

- “yes Doc, I will”

“What kind of images do you get in your dreams? Do they resemble any incidents in your life?”

- “Oh! They are so terrifying, so realistic…”

Then I started to sob uncontrollably. 

“Relax, relax…let us have another session next week. Why don’t you try going out with your friends, for a change”

So, Megha and I took two days off and went to a nearby hill station, Nainital (in North India). We had a wonderful girlie time, with tasty delicacies and lots of fun. We were so exhausted that, right after we hit the bed, I started sleeping like a baby. Then came the customary dream.

‘I drive the car, with Aman seated next to me. We were arguing agitatedly. And I lost control of my driving. The car was at full speed down the hill. 

BANG!! Some kind of explosion…’

I woke up with a loud scream, profusely sweating. Megha was shocked, but still managed to comfort me. After a long persuation, I slept for some time. 

From twilight till sunset, I was a happy-go-lucky person. As the night got darker, I started fearing that I have to sleep. 

The next day, we met a handsome guy who also happened to travel in the same tourist bus. Apparently, he travelled alone. We three were an instant hit, and started to chat away easily. He introduced himself as Arjun, photographer by profession. He had come to the tour to take pictures for the ‘Nature lover’ magazine. 

As we were chatting, we came to know, that he had lost his fiancee’ in an accident. After a brief hesitation, he began to narrate the incident. 

“ Neetu and I, got engaged last year, and to celebrate that, we planned a road trip to Shimla, from our hometown Delhi. We spent a lovely time on the way, admiring the nature’s beauty. We started to proceed towards the hill. 

The road was winding up through the hill, with many a hairpin bends. The path was surrounded by blankets of exotic flowers. As we drove up the hill, we were discussing our future plans after marriage and so on…”

Arjun wiped the tears which escaped his eyes, and continued 

“A huge SUV car was descending from the hill. It seemed to have lost control. I honked many times to catch the attention of the driver. And then, in a lightning of a second, the SUV hit our much smaller car, and went past”

He paused for a while before gathering the courage to narrate further.

“Our car toppled down the side of the hill and reached a halt, after hitting a huge tree. I didn’t know what happened next. As soon as I gained consciousness, I found myself in a hospital with many bandages and wires all around me. 

I shouted Neetu’s name. My parents broke the news that my dear fiancee’ died on the spot of the accident, and that I had multiple injuries and was unconscious in the hospital for three days. 

It took me six months to compose myself and start my work again. I’m sorry that I spoiled your mood by telling my story.”

I was staring at the teary-eyed man, in shock and disbelief. Megha shook and brought me back to reality. We exchanged phone numbers with Arjun and parted with byes. 

I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day. We returned to the hotel where we stayed. I took shower and retired to bed, still trembling from the story I had just heard.

The demons took over me sooner that night and I had a terrifying night. I couldn’t sleep at all.

The next morning we started back to Delhi. Reached the city in the afternoon and left our respective houses.

The following day, I met Dr.Richard, as I had a follow up appointment. Megha couldn’t join me. After the regular pleasantries, he started to enquire about the tour we went and if the nightmares repeated or not. During the talk, I explained everything, and even mentioned about Arjun, carefully avoiding about his tragic accident. 

But, being a professional, he could sense that I had something more to confide in him. He started to probe into my personal territory, my passion, love….Aman.

“Aman and I, were college mates. We were friends in the beginning. As the years went by, it blossomed into love. Slowly, I came to realise, Aman was a typical conservative man, egoistic and demanding.

We used to frequently get into arguments. But, I compromised every time, fearing to lose his love. Then came a big fight, when I got placed in my present company in a good position, while Aman was struggling to get placed properly. 

My growth in the company was progressive. I bought an SUV, when I got promoted as the team leader. That was the trigger point for Aman, who had just joined a mediocre company. Our fights grew bigger and lasted long. 

So, we thought we would take a breather. I convinced Aman for a road trip to Shimla for a weekend. He accepted reluctantly. But all through, he was throwing tantrums and fought continuously. The trip was a total disaster. 

While we were returning, down the hill, I was on the wheels and we had a nasty fight. Aman blamed me through out the drive for our relationship to have gone sour. When the argument got heated up, I got distracted and lost control of the vehicle. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I saw a car coming up the hill. I tried hard to stop my SUV, but it hit the car. After a kilometre or so, we came to a halt. We panicked and drove back to the spot to check what happened. There was no car or any sign of an accident. Relieved, we drove back to Delhi. 

As things were not working out between us, Aman and I parted our ways for good.

After that incident, I kept getting nightmares. Initially, the frequency of getting was once in few days. Slowly, I started getting frequently, and then everyday. But, now I realized…”

I gave a huge pause and was hesitant to continue. Dr.Richard said,

“Come on, tell me Riya, now something else has added up to bother you isn’t it? Please open up. You can be assured of the confidentiality”

I nodded and continued,

“After learning about Arjun, whom we met in Nainital, I realized that… that…

The car we hit on our road trip to Shimla, was his car, and also…”

“And also…?” Dr.Richard prompted.

I swallowed and said,

“His car rolled down the slope of the hill, and that the fiancee’ got killed in that accident. But there was no police complaint given against us”

The doctor was listening to me carefully, and gave his advice.

“Listen dear, legally you may not be punished. But, your conscience has penalized you enough. Now, your nightmares will leave you only when you plead forgiveness with Arjun” I agreed with him.

The next day I called Arjun and fixed a time to meet him. When we met, I was extremely nervous about the consequences. Arjun seemed calm and pleasant. After our initial greetings, I confessed everything to Arjun, about Aman and me, about our fight and finally about the accident. 

I then said, “ I can’t ask you to forgive me. Because my action has broken your life apart. I will whole-heartedly accept any punishment that you give me.” 

I was head-bent due to guilt. 

Arjun was listening to me calmly till the end. Then he spoke,

“Honestly, I knew it was you who hit my car when we met in Nainital. Firstly, your reaction, to my past, was a shock more than a sympathy. Also, when you got down at your hotel, I saw your SUV parked there. 

I was taken aback, ”then why didn’t you confront me?”

Arjun answered,” I withdrew my police complaint forgiving the driver of the SUV whom I did not even know by then. I thought, the love of my life is no more. What punishment will bring her back to life? After knowing that it was you, my compassion grew more. Now when I hear your side of the story, I totally forgive you. Please get relieved from your guilt and be at peace” 

I was so touched and moved by his words. I thanked God that I could atleast get the opportunity to meet him and ask for forgiveness. Though, not completely out of it, I hope I would sleep without my nightmares.

We parted for the day, and promised to remain good friends. Arjun made the proverb true…

‘To err is human; To forgive is divine’

- Nithya Rajan