~GOODBYES & WOODEN CHESTS~

‍I woke up to the hushed patter of rain and rumble of thunder . A feeble white light was the only thing illuminating the space between the four pastel-green walls . It was the first day of spring .Without thinking , I pulled the large duvet over my face trying to suffocate myself with it. My reflexes took over and I shot up ,gasping heavily . I peered weakly at the time on my digital clock with my one working eye . Tears threatened to appear, I pushed them back. Soon it was time for me to leave . I hauled the duvet off me and looked down at my bare legs . The flesh on it was twisted and raised in red, angry scars although it had been a good twelve months since the day they were earned . I averted my gaze and climbed out of the mess of sheets I called my bed and wandered half-blindly to the bathroom; my outstretched hands found the sink and I leant heavily against it, splashing my face with cold water. I carefully brushed my teeth twice for good measure not that it actually did anything to my already white teeth .My blonde hair which was originally chopped into a neat chin length bob was now a mass of frizzy waves and knots that ran down my shoulders . Using a comb, I proceeded to detangle the strands until they were smooth and less unruly. In the mirror the skin around my left eye seemed thin as my veins were visible ,tracing jagged purple paths through it . The eye itself was glassy and slightly paler than my right one . It all happened last year when we were involved in a bad car accident. Our car flew off the cliff edge and into water. I was blinded in one eye when i hit my head against the car window - I could have died. Shaking myself out of my nightmarish trance, I undressed and stepped into the shower . After adjusting the water to a warm temperature, I quickly cleaned myself and washed my hair before throwing on a jumper and jeans in my room. I pulled my damp hair into a top knot . I hesitated when pulling on my Wellington boots . Can I really do this ? I thought . No, it's too late to back out now , I promised ... I promised myself . With a new sense of reassurance, I tugged my boots on and tip-toed downstairs . In my mum's office I began frantically searching:pulling books away from shelves , digging through boxes and drawers until I saw it - a golden clay bottle , its shiny surface reflected the sudden flash of a lightning contour. I grabbed it hastily making sure that the lid was on tight . Hugging it to my cheek , I left the room and grabbed a coat and umbrella.

"I'm sorry Mum. " I whispered softly . I allowed myself one last look up the stairs to make sure she was asleep before stepping outside . I slipped the coat on and pulled the hood up to shield my hair from the rain . Having the bus stop just ten steps from my house was both convenient and not . I did not want to get caught -not now . I waited nervously for the next bus stealing glances back to the house . I placed the bottle I was holding into one of my large pockets . Soon enough the bus arrived ; I stepped on and tapped my 11-15 oyster card on the reader before taking an empty seat near the front . At the next stop, an old lady got on and sat across from me , her watery eyes kept returning to me she gave me a soft smile as I got off in front of the charity shop . I trudged in , my eyes going straight to a small wooden treasure-box which sat hidden in a corner shelf . I picked it up, stroking it gently with my fingers feeling the detaild grooves in the wood . It was surprisingly light . Though I wonder ...

" 'xcuse , is this waterproof?" I called out to the shopkeeper, a burly man in his 50s .

"Yes, my dear . If you want I could spray it again for you but it'll cost a bit extra you see." It was perfect then.

"Its fine." I mumbled .I brought it to the counter and took out a twenty pound note ." How much is it ?"

"Hmm with the spray it'll be 14 pounds please ." I gave him the note and he handed me my change .

" Hold on , dear it'll take a sec' ." He disappeared into a room and popped out a while later holding a blue plastic bag . He placed it in my hands , a youthful grin on his face . 

" My father made this you know _ when I was a little boy- I'm surprised how good it still is . I had no use for it so I put it up for sale but no one wanted to buy it . I was considering throwing the box away .Thank you for buying it ,dear ."

"Mmmhmmm ." I turned to leave the shop.

"Ta ta , 'ave a good day !" I waved behind me saying a quick 'thanks' . I stepped back into the rain, which was now a dull drizzle . After walking for twenty minutes , I reached the clearing although, it had never taken this long when I went with Dad but I haven't gone for ages . I entered the woods and breathed in its familiar leafy scent . With every step I took , the downpour intensified, drumming heavily against my back . At last, the river was in sight . Hiding under a tree's large branches I began tipping the dark powder from the bottle into the box . After closing it, I picked a few wild flowers and placed them on top of the box .I kneeled in front of the water ,which was still despite the rough weather . I rolled up my sleeve and submerged my hand in the cool water swirling it around . With my other hand I placed the box on the water making sure it floated. I released it, watching it travel downstream . 

"Goodbye Dad . I love you . I'll never forget you ," I spoke these words softly as if to not disturb the ashes as they disappeared out of view . I sat back under the shelter of the leaves ,sighing . I let the steady rhythm of the rain lull me to sleep . I did it . 

" I know you did , Bree, thank you . "My eye suddenly opened My Father was standing right there!I knew he wasn't actually but I could see him .

"You're so brave . My little angel has grown ." He said , a radiant smile on his face. He turned to leave before stopping.

"And ,Bree?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too . I always did and I always will ." He continued walking. It was when he was almost out of sight that it occurred to me .

"Dad! When will I see you again?" With that , I heard him chuckle. 

"Nobody knows, my angel , nobody knows ."

Then, he was gone . I could feel it . I shut my eyes again. The tears I kept in since the morning flowed freely down my face . This time , I let them .