The Tale of Sol and Luna

Dear Diary,

April 1^st, 3:30 pm

I wasted 10 dollars on you. I don’t know if you’re really worth it, but you’re worth a try. They say that writing in a diary can help a person overcome stress. You are my last resort. What could go wrong anyway?

I’m Luna Miller, luckily breathing for approximately 19 years in this unpredictable universe. I am indeed very lucky to still continue living, and I’ll forever be grateful that I am able to wake up every day and breath. Most of my years were spent inside the walls of our home ̶ doing what normal people do, despite the fact that I will never have the chance to live a normal life.

My parents want me to go to school, like normal school, not home school lessons with my aunt, who is a licensed teacher. They want me to discover the world ̶ travel faraway places that the books and movies had shown me. Or maybe even meet new people and make new friends. I have to admit, I am a coward. I’m too afraid to face life and its consequences. Why should I? I’d rather live to breathe than live to discover. I am lucky to be alive and I must never waste my chance.

Well, that seemed to be a pretty long introduction. Wasn’t it ̶ ummm. Wait, you don’t have a name yet! I’m not sure if diaries should be given a name. But it would be too boring if I will only call you as my “diary”. I mean, you’re my friend now. Right?

What shall I name you? Peter? Harry? Edmund? Gin? Brainstorm! I will call you Sol! Isn’t that nice? I once had a neighbor named Sol.

Sol sounds lovely. I’ll be your Luna, and you’ll be my Sol.

Dearest Sol,

April 15^th, 4:04 pm

Oh, Sol. I’m deeply sorry for not writing to you in a while. I was just finding it very hard to get inspired to write to you since I had finally rediscovered a new inspiration. I was distracted. But now, I’m back to my senses. I’m sure you’re still wondering why, let me tell you Sol, Sol is back! The original Sol! Not that you’re unoriginal, it’s just that he’s sort of your daddy. I named you after him.

When I was young and playful, he was the only one who wanted to play with me. The other kids thought of me as a weirdo. Saying that I am a witch with supernatural powers. They thought I really was a witch since I barely go outside because I spend most of my time indoors practicing incantations. But Sol defended me. Eventually, we became friends.

The day after my first entry, my best friend ̶ in fact, my only current friend Anna, told me that the Fernsby family is back in town. Which meant I would often see Sol Fernsby.

On the 3^rd of April, it was proven to me that he is indeed back. I was so thrilled to see him! Can he still remember me? Of course, he does! Every single day after I first saw him again, I get to see him pass the sidewalk of my house. That happens approximately every 4:10 in the afternoon on school days. We were so close and yet so far. But this is progress nonetheless. We could maybe talk for a bit, and eventually go on dates. We should get married after college! Oh, what am I saying? He most probably doesn’t even like me. But his dirty blonde locks, piercing blue eyes and enticing smile are to die for. He matured, but his aura never changed. Maybe, he’s still the same Sol Fernsby I once knew.

I am expecting him to pass by every 4:10 in the afternoon. Like yesterday and the days before.

4:30, maybe he’s busy doing extracurricular activities.

4:51, still no Sol.

5:10, maybe it wasn’t really Sol Fernsby that I saw yesterday.

Silly me. Why am I still expecting him to be back? 10 years ago, he promised me he’ll be back in a year. And that we’ll continue sending letters to each other. But he didn’t return. After a month we stopped writing to each other ̶ actually, I never stopped.

Maybe... he's not back because of me. I really never learn.

Dearest Sol,

April 20^th, 3:51 pm

I truly never learn Sol. Don’t I?

Here I am again next to my window, hoping to see the same dirty blonde locks and carefree personality of a strong-willed man. Why am I hoping to see him? Is it, love? Why does a girl with hypertropic cardiomyopathy want to feel love? Strong emotions can hurt me badly. Is love a strong emotion? Is, it? Sol, I wish you could tell me. Ughhhhhh…

15 minutes passed. Finally, I could see a tall figure approaching. Is it him? It could be him. As if time paused, my eyes once again laid on the same dirty blonde locks of the man I love. Is this really love? Is this how it feels? I feel an electric movement in my heart. Perhaps, I’m right. This is love!

The next thing I knew was that science intervened. An unknown force seems to be pushing me to go on my way to the front door and speak to him. This is probably my last chance. He might be gone tomorrow! Oh, dear. I better hurry.

Dearest Sol,

April 21^st, 12 noon

You might be wondering what happened Sol. Did I face him? Yes, absobloodylutely! I had enough courage to go outside the house and scream his name before he could go away ̶ again. Three possible things could've happened.

A. Sol walking away because he didn’t hear me. (I scram so loud this is not possible.)

B. Sol stops for a short while, say hi, and leave immediately.

C. Sol stops, both of us running towards each other and paused to embrace one another.

Luckily, C happened. It makes me love him even more.

P.S. I just noticed that Sol has a small scar on his chin. It makes him look even sexier.

Dearest Sol,

April 28^th, 5:23 pm

Is this happening to me? Is this real? Am I dreaming again? Daydreams could be possible. Lucid dreams are also an option. But, can I please just wish that this is reality? Wait, he said those words, kissed me and I slapped myself afterwards. This is reality!

For 19 years of my life, strong emotions were restricted since I might die. But this feeling… Love isn’t just strong, love is powerful ̶ the most powerful force to ever exist. If that's the case, then why am I still alive? Breathing, feeling, loving ̶ yet still living.

Sol Fernsby loves me and I love him. He taught me not to live just to stay alive, but rather live without the fear of death. He made me realize a lot of things about love, life and death that I have missed my whole existence. For 3 years of our childhood, we were friends and playmates. We were young back then, and at a such young age we learned to love. For a week that seemed to be forever ̶ we are old friends and new lovers. There are tons of things that we did together. Things that made me experience the true essence of living ̶ living to love and not living to breath.

We went swimming at the beach. After that, we had a road trip around town. By night, we stared at the stars and of course, at each other.

I hope this stays forever. But I’m sure, it won’t.

Dearest Sol,

April 3^rd, 5:56 am

I am Luna Miller, still luckily breathing for approximately 24 years in this unpredictable universe. Where am I? What happened between us?

It had been five long years since I last wrote Sol. Again, I am deeply sorry. Unfortunately, for 5 years, I no longer stayed inside our house. I am currently confined here in the hospital because of my HCM. I have to. Not because I just want to stay alive and keep breathing. But because I’m still hoping for things to work out. I am still hoping to make him feel loved.

I want to tell you we ended up with each other. Sadly, we did not.

He had a life to save. And I will most willingly support him.

His ex-girlfriend’s mom contacted him that same day we confessed our feelings. Tasha, the girl who broke up with him weeks before we met, is suffering with Stage 4 breast cancer. Tasha’s mom hoped that if they go back together as lovers, Tasha might survive.

He was hesitant to agree at first, but we both knew it was the rightmost thing to do. We can save a life. Even though we love each other, sometimes in life, some things are worth more than love. A dying soul who longs for hope and a slight chance to survive deserves to live.

Until now, I never stopped loving him. He taught me wonderful things that would remain etched in my heart. Life offers us beautiful and tragic memories. People are like memories. Let me tell you, Sol is the most beautiful memory for 24 years of breathing, living, and loving.

By the time you are reading this my precious Sol, I want to tell you that I am sorry for not telling you about my sickness. You must be blaming yourself. Darling, please don't. It was my choice. It was my sarcifice.

Please, be happy with Tasha. Live a happy life of love. I love you.

I guess, it’s time to sleep.

Dearest Luna,

April 28, 4:04 pm

Why didn't you tell me that you're also sick? I really love you. I shoul've chose you. I could've saved you.

I am Sol Fernsby, unfortunately, I am still alive.

I am sorry for not fulfilling my promises when we were younger. The reason why I stopped writing was that when we transfered to the city, our house was too far from the post office. One time, when I decided to go there using a bike, I fell over causing a fracture in my elbow and a few other bruises. Like the scar on my face. Next, we didn't come back after a year because my father got a promotion. His salary raise was life-changing, we couldn't just leave that door of opportunity. Again, I am sorry for my lapses.

I am so sorry for leaving you all over again. I am sorry for everything. Luna, I regretted everything in my life, but I could never regret loving you. You are the best memory of a lifetime. I am writing here in your diary the day we confessed our love, but a year after your death.

I am also very sorry for invading your privacy. Your family, along with your closest friend Anna, called me by 6 am in the morning of April 3. I was nervous, something felt off that time. I could never stop my tears from flowing after seeing you covered with a white cloth. They gave me your diary, saying that it was your dying wish, for me to read it and live happily.

I am sorry for not attending your burial. I was a coward. For a few months, I never really knew where my life was heading. Tasha was there to help me through everything, but losing you meant losing myself.

Lastly, I am sorry for making you worry. I am okay now. I have finally recovered, thanks to my wife, Tasha, and our daughter that we named after you. Luna Fernsby. I love Tasha and our daughter. I really love my family. But you, you are the greatest love of my life. I’m happy that Tasha accepts that.

Luna my love, I’ll continue to live not to stay breathing, but to live to continue loving you, my wife, my daughter, and myself.

P.S. Your 10 dollars were worth it.