Dear Dee(short for diary)

3/23/1987, Monday, 12:58 p.m.

Dear Dee,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!! I’m 10 years old today. Double digits! I wonder what my mom has planned for me today. Today is the 1^st day of Spring Break and I am so excited. I would like to have some friends over for cake and ice cream. Or maybe mom can have a party for me at McDonald’s. She hasn’t said anything about it yet, but I hope we are gonna have so much fun. I would really like it if I got a puppy. My brother is really getting on my nerves and I hope he does not come to my party with my friends. 

3/23/1990, Friday @ 7:31 p.m.

Dear Dee,

I’m finally a teenager! I can’t wait to be 18 so I can get outta here. My mom is being so mean and strict. I can’t do anything but stay home and keep my little brother. This is all I really do! UGH! I didn’t do much for my birthday because my mom had to work, and she will not get off till 9 or so. My aunt Evelyn came over and brought me an angel figurine because she knows I am just now starting to collect them. My mom baked me a vanilla cake earlier before she went to work. It was vanilla with rainbow sprinkles, my favorite. But I’m not really feeling it and I’m not feeling her. I want to move around and see what it’s like to be a real teenager. I’m tired of being stuck up in this house. We can’t even go outside is she is not here. She works most days and nights. Well hopefully I can go over my friend, Yolanda’s house this weekend. I love you!

3/23/1993, Tues @1:24 a.m.

Dear Dee,

It’s been a while since I last wrote you and so much has happened. I promise I will do better. Well, today is my 16^th and I did not get a car like I wanted. I haven’t even got my permit yet. My mom can not afford to put me in driver’s ed so I guess I will just wait until I’m 18 to take the test. I have the driver’s handbook, so I’ve been studying. I met someone or should I say someone met me. I wasn’t looking but my friend, Danika, introduced us. His name is Clint and he goes to a different high school. I think I’m in love. He is a grade higher than me and he is on the varsity football team. He is so fine! I am no longer a virgin and I think my mom knows. She keeps asking me little questions and threatening me what will happen if I get pregnant. It was not the way I expected it. In the front of his pickup truck. He claims it was his first time too. And yes, we used protection. I don’t get to see him that often because we are not in the same school. I’m in a pretty good spot and I’m happy for the moment. My grades are passing but they could be better. I do just enough to pass because I am in drill team. I love being able to go to all the football and basketball games for free. I get to travel to other cities, and I like that. I will do what I need to do till I can get out of this house. I love you! Write you back soon.

3/23/1995, Thursday, 5:22 p.m.

Dear Dee,

Today is my special day!!!! I am soooooo excited to finally be grown. So many positive things are coming up. My mom said she will take me to take my driver’s test on her next off day. I’m ready and I know I will pass but I’m nervous. I’m not comfortable parallel parking. I graduate from high school at the end of May. Clint and I are still together but we have broken up a few times and got back together. He is gone to college in Kansas and we talk about getting married one day. Me and my mom are getting along pretty good, but I can not stand her live-in boyfriend. We do not get along at all. I HATE HIM! I need to move around before we really bump heads. Clint’s spring break is next week, and he will be here, and I can’t wait. My prom is next month but I know he will not be able to come back for it so I will most likely go alone. I’m not gonna lie and pretend like I have been 100% faithful because I haven’t. I’ve even had sex with other boys. Yes, more than one. He doesn’t know about that and I don’t plan on telling him. I’m sure he is not exactly an angel. No telling what he’s doing up there in college. But other than that, all is well. I’ll write you again real soon.

March 23, 1998, Monday @ 2:57 p.m.

Dear Dee,

Yay me! I’m 21 today! WHOOP! WHOOP!! I’m almost out of here. YESSSSSSS! Life is good though, I can’t complain. I’m in college at Tyler Jr. College and I’m working at Golden Corral as a waitress. And I can’t wait to go to the casino this weekend with a few of my family members. I already know what kind of drink I will order. Clint and I are still together, and we plan on getting married in July of this year. I’m so excited. He joined the Army and I want to be with him, but we must be married. He’s in bootcamp so I don’t get to talk to him that often. Me and his mom will go to graduation in May, in South Carolina. I still love him so much and I’m ready to get out of this hell hole. My mom’s boyfriend is so rude and annoying. I want to get as far away from him as possible. I try to talk to my mom about him, but she is so far up his butt and we don’t talk like we use to. I feel like we are growing apart.  I’m ready to start my new life as a wife. I’m so ready to get out of here.

March 23^rd, 2004, Tues. @ 6:43 p.m.

Dear Dee,

WOW! What a good birthday so far. I’m 27 today and I have a new baby girl! OMG can you believe it!? She got here March 1^st and she is so beautiful. Her name is Cimon. She looks just like her dad and she is so easy going. There were no problems during the pregnancy or during birth. It was close. I thought she was gonna be born on Feb. 28^th. She came a few days early. I didn’t think I could have kids. I can’t have an adult beverage because I’m nursing my princess and I don’t plan on stopping till she is 1. My mom and my aunt Janice came here to Kansas to help me out. I REALLY appreciate them. I’m getting this mommy thing down. Love you!

March 23^rd, 2006, Thursday@ 10:07 p.m.

Dear Dee,

Happy 29^th birthday to me! I’m not feeling too well today. Last month I found out that I’m pregnant again. Of course, I don’t know what I’m having yet, but I hope it’s a boy. My daughter is healthy and doing well, she’s 2. I’m still working as a fulltime dental assistant and “Shay” is in daycare. Clint is still in the Army and I think it’s taking a toll on him. The mood swings and the anger are really getting to me. I don’t think he was too thrilled to hear we were expecting again. He doesn’t show any emotions. He’s seems to be angry all the time. I can’t make him happy anymore. It’s like walking on eggshells, around the house. We argue all the time. I’m hours away from my mom but I call and write her often. I thought about leaving him several times but now I feel like I have to stay for my kids. The baby should be here sometime in October. Hopefully, things will get better. Fingers crossed.

March 23^rd, 2007, Friday @ 5:32 p.m.

Dear Dee,

Today is my 30^th birthday! WooHoo!! My son, Donte, was born October 5^th, 2006. He had some kidney issues, but he is healthy now. Clint had a vasectomy shortly after I had the baby so no more babies for us. I’m glad to be back in Texas and living in the same city with family. I just never know when Clint will have one of his “anger episodes” and I will want to leave again. I threw him a surprise party for his 30^th birthday. I don’t see him doing the same for me. We will probably just go out to dinner in a few, just us and the kids. I will be having an alcoholic drink. I can tell you it won’t be an expensive restaurant because money is tight right now. I’m not working. I’m not where I want to be financially but at least I am blessed to see another year!

March 23^rd, 2017, Thursday@10:58 a.m.

Dear Dee,

I took off today to celebrate my 40^th birthday. This is usually what I do every year. Because it is a celebration, right? I’m gonna get a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. I know it’s been years since I wrote to you. So much has happened. SO MUCH! Clint and I got divorced in 2010. I was sick of his shit. It was a non-contested divorce, so it didn’t take long. I met someone, Anthony E. He’s 13 years older than me. He has 7 grown kids and we had a son, Dontae, July 10^th, 2012. I said I would never get with a man that has kids but look at me now. I am extremely happy. We live in Houston and I’m a stay at home mom. He is a truck driver and makes damn good money. He is always gone so I couldn’t work if I wanted to. Having 3 kids is so demanding. This marriage is not very supported by our families. There is a 13-year age gap. To be his age he is good looking, and the sex is good. But other than that all is well here. I love you! Until then be safe and I will write you soon.