The First Blizzard

The clock reads 1:04, fantastic, another sleepless night. A groan escapes my throat, dark and thick with sleep. The bed feels too large without her body next to mine. I’m afraid it’ll swallow me whole. I shift the heavy cotton duvet and turn my body to the left when a sharp chill stops me. Only my face is exposed but the still air settles into my cells like a knife. The clack of my teeth as they chatter is piercing. At this rate, I’ll break a tooth. My lips are surely sandpaper, the bloom of metallic blood hits my tongue as I pick at their cracked and peeling exterior. Every muscle in my body is clenched taunt. I try to relax them but to no avail. It’s as though the cold is squeezing me from the outside, pressing and compressing my body into itself. 

The air burns down my throat, turning whatever moisture is left into icicles. A deep, dry cough is forming in the frozen wasteland that is now my lungs. I need water but when I look over to the nightstand my glass has maybe a drop left. Right, Ella always fills the waters before we go to bed. 

I can’t help but wonder how many more things she does around here that I never even noticed. That I never even had a second thought of. Regret rises in my esophagus as I realize I probably never even said thank you. God no wonder she said she felt so under-appreciated. Should I call and tell her? She said she needed her space but she would’ve at least let me know she landed.  

Against my better judgment, I tap my phone screen and am momentarily blinded by the brightness that is my Christmas tree lock screen. No new messages. My stomach sinks and I can’t tell if the fuzziness in my head is from anxiety or my growing sleep deprivation. 

No updates could be good, it could mean she’s doing fine and I have nothing to worry about. But no text could also mean she’s madder at me than I realized. Or worse. There are a thousand possibilities and I’m stuck here with no idea at all because she didn’t trust me to come along. And it’s not even my fault, not fully. 

Okay so maybe getting obliterated on the plane for her last work trip wasn’t my best moment. But I had no idea that her boss was going to be on the same flight. Technically I didn’t even throw up on her, I threw up in the aisle next to her seat. 

I guess the details don’t matter now though because I’m stuck here alone with a parched throat and a stress headache forming in my temples. At least one of those I can fix though but once I’m up I know that’s going to be it for the night. Any chance I have of falling back asleep goes right out the window once I start doing anything. And heaven forbid I turn on a bathroom light, might as well drink a cup of coffee while I’m at it. 

I fling my comforter off before I can talk myself out of it and am hit with a barrage of needles. My body goes rigid as a deep tremor begins in my legs and makes its way up. The thin satin sleepshirt and boyshorts I chose for tonight do nothing to shield my body from the violent assault of air. 

The biting cold fills my lungs as I breathe in and I take solace in the brief warmth of my exhale. Although I swear I can see my breath I swing out of bed and grab my water glass so fast I don’t have time to change my mind. Sprinting down the hall into the bathroom as fast as my legs will carry me, and hoping the movement will warm me up a little. Spoiler, it doesn’t. 

I fling on the hot water tap and wait, flicking my finger under the stream every few seconds to check the temperature. But after a while, I can’t justify wasting any more water and fill my glass before chugging it down in one gulp. It hurts the whole way down and I’m left with a lump in my chest like I dry swallowed an entire ice cube. I’m not sure if this is better or worse than being thirsty. 

I wonder what's going on as I refill my glass. It was supposed to be cold tonight but not this cold. And the forecast doesn’t call for snow for another week at least. It wouldn’t hurt to take a peek outside. I mean Ella’s traveling in this weather, it’ll ease my anxiety to just check. 

I head back into the bedroom and set the water glass on the coaster before peeling back the curtain slightly. White, all I can see is white. I rub my eyes so hard I see stars and check again. Shit. Shit. Shit. I fling back the curtains fully and come face to face with the worst blizzard I have ever seen. Huge snowflakes whip and whirl in every direction at record speeds. I have to squint from the overwhelming brightness, my discomfort momentarily forgotten. When could this have started? There wasn’t a dark cloud in sight when I went to bed at 10. It must have come on hard and strong because at least two feet of snow are in the driveway. And it doesn’t show any sign of stopping. Ella is supposed to be traveling in this. Ella is out there right now, alone. 

My heart drops into my ass as the lack of notifications suddenly takes on a whole new meaning. I grab my phone, my frozen fingers struggling to key my passcode in. Still nothing. Shit. I click Ella’s name and hit the speaker button as her contact picture fills my screen. It rings and rings and rings and then her voice fills the silent room as my call goes to voicemail. Dread snakes its way through my body. Ella always picks up her phone, always. And if it was on airplane mode it would’ve gone straight to voicemail. Oh god, oh god that could mean a million things. What if she never even made it to the airport? What if she got in an accident and then the storm hit? What if her flight got canceled and she’s stranded at the airport? But then why wouldn’t she have answered her phone? Thoughts crash and careen in my brain but one stands out, I have to get to Ella. 

I throw on the warmest sweatshirt and sweatpants I have over my pajamas. Running down the stairs I shove my feet into snow-boots and chuck a heavy coat over my shoulders. All the while re-dialing Ella over and over again. On the seventh call though it goes straight to voicemail without ringing. It’s dead, her phone is dead, that can’t be a good sign.

I fling the front door open and immediately regret it as hours worth of heavy snowfall come cascading back through my front door. Without thinking I start shoveling the snow with my bare hands. Scooping up the heavy frozen water and chucking it back out the front door. Which in turn only makes more snow fall in. 

My fingers have gone numb and red by the time I realize I haven’t even made a dent. I turn and start looking around my living room for anything that can help me when my eyes land on the window above the sofa. The snow hasn’t piled up enough to reach the bottom and thank goodness for my procrastination in not getting the screen fixed. I try to shut the front door but it won’t budge thanks to the avalanche of snow so I abandon it and hope it’s cold enough that the snow won’t melt into the hardwood. I run to the window and after a few tries can push it open. Inch by inch it goes up, sticking the entire way before it stops completely. It’s not open as much as I would like it to be but it’s just enough that I should be able to shimmy my way through. 

Head first like a cat is probably the smartest way to go so I can at least see where I’ll land. I pop my head out the window and fight to keep my eyes open as freezing wind and snowflakes whip my hair into my eyes. Then my right arm and left, using them to push myself from the outside. I have a little trouble once I reach the chest but I’m able to suck in my air enough to shimmy through. I’m doing a pretty good job until I reach my hips. At the first tug, I realize I’ve made a horrible mistake. There is no way my butt is getting through this window. I pull and pull and pull but the only thing I accomplish is making my arms and shoulders feel like frozen noodles. Amazing, now I’ve not only let Ella down but now I’m going to freeze to death hanging out of a window. What are they gonna think when they find me? This is not the way I wanted to go out. But just as I start to hyperventilate a voice cuts through the wind.

“Ryan?”

Oh god, this is it. Now I’m hallucinating from the cold, it’s worse than I thought. Hopefully, I’ll pass out before things get really bad.

“Ryan, what are you doing?” I swivel my head so fast a jolt of pain snaps up my neck but then I see her. She looks like an angel with blonde hair swirling around her in the wind. Her nose and cheeks are bright pink and she’s shivering but it’s her, “Ella!” I cry out, my voice catching as I feel tears well up in my eyes. 

She runs over and reaches up on her tip toes so our faces meet. Her features are scrunched up in confusion, “Why are you halfway out of our living room window in the middle of a blizzard?”

My mind goes blank for a moment before I remember where I am and why, “I-I was trying to get to you. I saw the blizzard and got worried and when I couldn’t reach you I freaked out and figured you were probably dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“So you climbed out the window?”

“I tried the door but it was snowed in and then I remembered I hadn’t gotten the screen replaced in this window and thought I could fit through.”

“And then do what?” Her voice is high pitched like when she’s trying to hold in a laugh. 

“I-I hadn’t thought that far out honestly.” The heat from embarrassment helps thaw my frozen face a little as I realize my plan didn’t exactly make sense. It’s not like I could’ve driven to her or had any idea where she was. Then it hits me, “What are you doing back here?”

Her smile disappears and her eyes look down, “I couldn’t do it. We were about to board the plane and I just…I couldn’t leave you alone for the holidays. I was halfway back when the blizzard hit. Thank goodness I had put those snow chains in my car just in case otherwise I would’ve been seriously screwed.”

“But your phone? Why didn’t you text or answer me?” 

“In the beginning, I wanted to surprise you and I figured you’d be sleeping so it was pointless to text you. But then when I was putting on my chains it must’ve slipped out of my pocket and into the snow. I had already driven most of the way back when I even realized it was gone. I’m so sorry I didn't see your calls, I just really didn’t expect to see you halfway out of our living room window when I got back.” 

“This trip was so important to you though. You can’t give it up just for me.”

She looks up at me, tears brimming in her eyes, “It’s not more important to me than you. I’m sorry I made you think it was. I just got so wrapped up in my world that I completely ignored you and I am so sorry for that.”

“I’m sorry too Ell. I’ve been so shitty to you recently from all the stress that I haven’t seen what’s right in front of me. I promise I will never, ever do that to you again.”

She smiles and kisses me so hard that I’m afraid our lips will get frozen together. She pulls back just slightly and presses her forehead to mine, “I love you so much Ry.”

“I love you too Ell,” I whisper back.

We sit there together for another minute before I ask, “So do you think you can help me out of here?”

She throws her head back and laughs, “Oh god, yes, okay, we will get you out of here somehow.”

I smile and brace myself as she grabs my hands and starts to push and despite everything, I can’t help but think to myself, best blizzard ever.