Stink Bug Boy in “Origins”

           Waldo Emerson Winchester was a normal sixth grader in Avon, CT except that he was a bit overweight, was named after an activist/poet/non-conformist from the 18^th century and had celiac disease. The last three items, when combined into one child, gave him the perfect storm of idiosyncrasies to be a target of the Maserati Street bullies.

           “Hey Waldo!” yelled Robert Watkins, the meanest of the Maserati St. gang, “Where are you going? You can’t just walk down my road without paying me.”

           “Oh leave me alone Robert! I don’t have anything!” Robert and the other two bullies, Jeff Freemantle and Betty Ann Washington, approached and stopped Waldo in his tracks. The three were also sixth graders at Avon Junior High but should have been in the seventh grade, however academics held them back a year.

           Betty Ann had the reputation of being the toughest kid in the entire school as she was raised, originally, on the mean streets of Bronx, NY until CPS discovered she was literally being raised on the streets and took her into protective care. She was being fostered by her aunt and uncle until her parents got clean and out of prison. Jeff just went along with the crowd because it beats getting beat up every day.

           “Besides, the street doesn’t belong to you! It’s everybody’s. You can’t charge me to walk here, that’s illegal.” Waldo added trying to delay what he knew was inevitable, or possibly find an escape.

           Robert got right into Waldo’s face. Since he was two inches taller and about a foot wider, Robert’s mouth lined up with Waldo’s nose, making matters worse as apparently Mr. Watkins smelled as if he had wasabi Limburger sandwiches for lunch.

           “I say it’s my road and that makes it so! What are you going to do about it? Waldo!” The last part was said mockingly and with a pre-pubescent finger being jabbed into Waldo’s chest.

           “Leave me alone Robert! You’re nothing but a big bully!” Waldo said trying to step away from the fetid stench from Robert’s trench. “I told you I have nothing to give you!”

           “Well if you won’t give me something then maybe I’ll give something to you. Would you like that?”

           “No! Just leave me alone!” Betty Ann snuck around behind Waldo, gave a foot sweep and Waldo landed on his butt and backpack loaded with books, papers, tablet and school recommended seven glue sticks though he rarely used one. “It’s on the list.” His mother would say.

           Robert pounced on the fallen Waldo and kept his weight on his chest to prevent escape, his “tea bags” far too close to Waldo’s face for comfort.

           “Get off me fat ass!” Waldo said trying to squirm out from under the bully’s weight.

           “You’re the fat ass, Waldo. Hey Jeff! What should we give him for not paying the toll and calling me fat ass?” Jeff didn’t reply. Robert looked at Betty Ann who looked behind him to see where their partner-in-crime was.

He emerged from under a shrub and said, “I got something for him. I hope it’s gluten free!” The word gluten said as sarcastically as possible. He kneeled next to Waldo’s head and held his cupped hands close to Waldo’s mouth.

“Open his mouth,” Jeff said, “So I can serve him his penalty.” Robert was holding Waldo’s squirming arms while sitting on his chest so Betty Ann kneeled down with Waldo’s head between her legs. The view of the young miss’s camel toe through her yoga pants was a brief joy in the otherwise humiliating experience and gave him a hard-on.

Waldo focused on Jeff wondering what was in his tightly held hands. Dog poo? Frog? Frog dipped in dog poo? This was not going to be good either way.

Betty Ann pried Waldo’s jaws apart mostly because he eyed her sex organs again and his muscles weakened. Jeff leaned in, opened his hands and dropped six stink bugs into Waldo’s mouth! He coughed and tried to spit them out but Betty Ann put her fingers in his mouth to force them down. The scent of Lagerfeld for Girls filled Waldo’s sinuses and again he felt his muscles relax and his hard-on stiffen. When the last one was swallowed, the three got up, started laughing hysterically, pointing at Waldo and yelling “Stink Bug Boy” over and over.

Waldo hacked, spat, coughed and tried to stick his fingers down his throat but nothing was bringing the bugs back, peristalsis had already begun.

The bullies were still laughing when the ground suddenly started shaking causing everything to stop.

“What’s happening Robert?” asked Jeff.

“How should I know? Earthquake I guess.”

Loud, bass heavy, synthesized music started playing as the Earth stopped shaking.

“Where’s that music coming from?” Robert asked when suddenly four chilled Mountain Dew sodas rolled up to the kids’ feet. “What the heck? What’s going on?”

“I think I know. Look!” Betty Ann pointed north over the doubled-up Waldo toward a cloud of smoke that seemed to generate out of nothing. The cloud rose toward the sky as it dissipated and a small figure emerged walking jerkily, side to side. The children stared in astonishment at the figure then at each other. Finally, the figure stood in front of them. The music stopped.

“It’s…It’s…Oh my god!” Jeff stammered. All together the four yelled “Puppy Monkey Baby!”

“Puppy Monkey Baby.” The four opened their sodas, raised them high then chugged them down. “Puppy Monkey Baby.” The music started back up and the kids started dancing. Waldo too, for a minute or two, until the stink bugs made their way through the digestive tract aided by the Dew.

“I don’t feel so good you guys, I think I might throw…” Waldo started to retch but could not finish. He doubled over again and his back bulged out, shredding his shirt.

“Ugh! What’s happening to me?” His back formed into a pentagon while antennae grew out of his head.

“Waldo! Are you okay? What’s happening?” Betty Ann asked now feeling ashamed of her part in Waldo’s humiliation.

“No! Something’s happening to me! What did you guys do…?” Waldo cut off again as he saw his arms changing to beetle-like tentacles the length of his normal arms.

“Oh my god Waldo! We are so sorry! We were just kidding! We didn’t mean any harm!” Robert stated trying to save his soul but far too late. Waldo turned around and stared at the three.

“Look what you did to me! I’m a bug!”

“We are really, really sorry!” Jeff cried, “I didn’t know.” Waldo doubled up again then collapsed on the street, turning onto his right side so that he faced away from them.

“Puppy Monkey Baby!”

“Help me Puppy Monkey Baby!” but being only a CGI marketing scheme, there was nothing he could do. The three bullies, now crest fallen, and in shock at Waldo’s perverse transformation, walked up to him not knowing what to do.

“You guys,” Waldo said in sheer pain, arms, or more precisely, tentacles, wrapped around his gut. “I think I gotta…” and Waldo let out a nasty fart with a dark brown cloud that rose into the faces of the gang.

“Eew! Gross!” Betty Ann said, “Hey I feel sleepy now.”

“Me too.” concurred Robert.

“Yeah. Sleepy.” Jeff Finished. The three tried to stay upright but their legs got rubbery and the all collapsed where they stood into a comatose state. Waldo’s back started receding until it was human again, his shirt looking like it lost a fight with a paper shredder. The antennae and tentacles receded into his body until Waldo was human again.

He sat up looking at the three passed out bullies then turned to Puppy Monkey Baby and asked, “what happened?”

“Puppy Monkey Baby.” He picked up Waldo’s bottle of Dew, turned to the ingredients and pointed to glycerol esters of wood rosin and held it up for Waldo to see.

“Oh! The glycerol esters of wood rosin mixed with the stink bugs and turned me into one?”

“Puppy Monkey Baby.”

“Then when I farted, I released a noxious gas that caused Betty Ann, Robert and Jeff to pass out?”

“Puppy Monkey Baby”

“By releasing the gas, I was able to transform back into myself? I see.” Waldo said thoughtfully, “I wonder if it will happen again if I drink another Dew?”

Puppy Monkey Baby handed him another bottle but Waldo put his hands up and backed away. “Oh no! Not now. Look at my shirt. I’m going to have to explain this to my mother.”

“Puppy Monkey Baby” The music from nowhere started up again and the two jerky-danced to Waldo’s house leaving the bullies in the street.

“So long Puppy Monkey Baby. Do the Dew!”

“Puppy Monkey Baby.” He waved and danced away to bring a party atmosphere to a placed that needed it!

The End