Karma already has your names

I'm 50. I'm disabled with a physical disability involving the spine due to repeated abuse by others and inflammatory, also because of abuse by others. I also have PTSD. I'm quiet and I keep to myself. I study full time at uni, have a casual job in mental health and plenty of volunteer work. I've lead a hard life, never been touched in a nice way by a man, and have been stalked incessantly by a group of insane sexual predators. That's the background.

When your bullied, the idea behind the bullies, is that they will break you down to destroy you. When you are filled with the spirit of God and determined to live your own life on your terms, well, there are going to be more problems than the arrogant bullies expected. In fact, I'm living with the biggest narcissist ever.

I never thought I could meet a woman on par with my x abusers (they weren't men and they weren't friends but they were boys). I have. I'm a lodger, see, and on the verge of homelessness because of circumstances beyond my control. This allows people who are on a power trip an advantage over the vulnerable.

You want to see who a person really is? Give them someone vulnerable and watch them.

While I've been living here I have dealt with:

Theft.

Food tampering.

Verbal abuse.

Name calling.

Bullying.

Belittling.

Mocking.

Physical threats.

Being raged at for no reason.

Every time I stand up for myself I get projected upon as they go into a narcissistic rage. That's a new term for me. I had to google some things last night and this is what it came up with and it fits to a T.

When I moved in I did things like pick up her dogs poo every day and cleaned the bathroom/laundry/toilet area every week for 3 months straight.

Please understand, I am not the only lodger here. Not once did anyone ever express gratitude. In fact, when I recently broke my arm the abuse escalated because I wasn't performing these tasks.

Last night I asked the land lady if she had used some of my stock cubes. She flew into a rage and kicked me out. That is definately an out of proportion reaction to a simple question. It's okay, because I know I don't deserve to live in a substandard house (half the lights don't work, there are no screens on the windows and the house permanently smells of cat piss and dying dog. She doesn't like air circulating in the house).

Now, this story is about revenge. Believe me, it is about revenge but in a way that defies what we believe are the laws of phsyics and nature.

Let's talk about dreams. Dreams, for me, at least, are a reflection of reality, though they are distorted. That is not because the dream world is distorted, but because our reality is distorted. I have found I have a natural ability to glean information from the dream world that turns out to be true in reality. This brought me into heavy thinking along a lot of lines. The questions I ask always get answered in the dream world and they get answered honestly. Whenever I ask a question in reality, I get lied to and gaslighted.

So, what if, other things are possible in the dream world? I believe they are. I have trained myself how to go to bed with a single minded pointedness about a subject or thing and then bring back the answers.

Last night, I went to bed, and decided to try something totally out of my comfort zone when it come to dreaming. I asked for information on how to do something. I went to bed and focused very hard on what it is that I wanted to do. (This is the revenge bit, but I'm not telling you what because I want this to play out in reality). I had a solid sleep. I did not dream for the first part of the night. When I woke up, the dream I snapped out of left me with some information. Now, I know I wasn't sleeping, but what I wanted to do was on a different access level and I had to be completely out for my soul to do what was necessary for the outcome I want. I know I've done it, because my soul has told me of this, but it is so dangerous and, well, unpleasant for the recipient, that what I did and the information I was after had to stay in a safe location. I ended up waking up early this morning, full of energy, after going to bed late. I don't know if that information is relelvant, but we will see. That wasn't my intention, but considering I had never done this before, I wouldn't know what to expect. There isn't any information on the net about what I am doing and I am certainly not going to enlighten anybody. You either have the abilities and hone them into skills, or you don't have the abilities.

The person in question is not the only person I am going to do this to.

The wonderful thing about this is there is no physical evidence and even the circumstancial evidence won't make sense to a person who is mundane, physical and disconnected from their soul.

I am sure you would love to know, but, your clearance isn't high enough for me. And anyway, after all the betrayal of trust I've been through, do you really think I will trust some random reading my story? Hell, no!

The moral of this story? What morals? What goes around will definately come around even if it needs encouragement and it is well past time to see that I am not playing with these fools. My body, mind, soul, life and decisions belong to me, not to others. I have the right to be deserved with decency and respect. I wasn't put on this planet to do other peoples dirty work, clean up after them and tolerate their abuse. That isn't going to change because predators think it should. When people start learning their lessons because of how they treated me, maybe people will learn to be a bit kinder and more compassionate towards me. This fight isn't over. The war is beginning and I will fight every day and night on every level in every way until my rights are recognised.

And please, don't bother to apologise, because you will just make the same mistake again and I am so tired of talkers.