You Suck

[The following is based (very loosely!) On actual events. Any relations to persons living or dead is completely uncoincidental.]

“Hey Numa, you sound kinda sick,” Devon told Numa.

“Yeah,” Numa coughed, “That’s why I wasn’t here yesterday.”

Devon frowned, “Yes you were. We took that big math test and we talked about how hard it was.”

Numa looked at Devon with an arched eyebrow. “Nope!” She croaked, “I was at home all day yesterday, watching the Weather Network. I’m taking the test today after school.”

Numa shook her head and continued to her locker. Devon was known for being crazy and getting stuff mixed up. She had probably spoken to somebody else about the math test and thought they were Numa.

As Numa put her stuff into her locker, her brutally honest friend came up to her with a nice greeting: “Wow, Numa! What happened to you?!”

“I’m sick,” Numa responded.

“Oh no wonder. You don’t look nearly as good as you did yesterday.”

“Yesterday?”

“Mmm hmm,” her friend said, “Yesterday you were glowing! I mean not that you don’t look good on other days, but… actually you don’t look good. Well, you did yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” Numa exclaimed, “Ruby, I wasn’t here yesterday. I was sick. It must have been the day before.”

“But yesterday, you wore that great outfit with the black pants and cute blue shirt. The day before, you wore grey pants and a purple shirt.”

The grey pants and purple shirt sounded familiar, it was what Numa wore the other day. But Numa didn’t have any cute blue shirts.

“I have no cute shirts,” said Numa, “And I have no blue shirts.”

“I’ll say!” Ruby agreed, “Most of your outfits suck.”

“Feel free to pay for more clothes for me.”

Ruby just shrugged and walked away. Numa was beginning to understand what was going on. A prank. She couldn’t believe she had fallen for this. It must have been all of the mucus stuffed into her head. 

“Hey Numa,” a shy sounding voice greeted.

Numa was surprised to see Marc standing there, looking about as nervous as he sounded. Marc was never nervous. Especially not about pranks. 

“Hey,” Numa croaked.

“Sick, huh?” When Numa nodded, Marc continued, “So. Uhm. I’ll just go on and say what I came here to say. Uhm…”

Numa stared with confusion, “Marc? Are you alright? Do you have a fever? You’re all red.”

“No, no! I’m fine… I just uhh… uhm. You know, after yesterday, I’ve been seeing you in a new light and uhhh…”

Numa resisted the urge to roll her eyes and said, “This again? Nice job guys, but I’m not falling for this anymore. I gotta admit though, that was kinda a good prank.”

“Prank?!” Marc exclaimed, turning redder, “No no! I’m just trying to say that… Uhm. I like you. Like, like, like you.”

“Why? I’m so annoying!”

“Well, yes, sometimes. But I know you have good intentions. You’ve been a great friend and you were so awesome yesterday that….”

“Yesterday?!” Numa sneezed, “Dude! I wasn’t here yesterday! I was at home being sick! I didn’t wear any nice blue shirt or take a math test! You don’t like me! At least make the prank believable!” 

Marc looked like a poppy on Remembrance Day. He ran his hand through his hair and studied his feet. After a bit he said, “I think I get the message. We’ll just be friends.”

What message?! Numa would have said if she didn’t lose her voice yelling at Marc. Instead, she just gawked as he waddled away, ashamed. Numa had never been more confused, and she wished her friends would just throw in the towel. Unless she really had been at school yesterday, and she had been so sick and confused during the night, she forgot what really happened.

 When Numa slid into the classroom for her first class, the teacher looked at her with delight.

“Great job on yesterday’s math test, Numa!” Mrs. Sharp congratulated.

Numa stared blankly. Mrs. Sharp hated pranks.

“Really?” Numa asked, her voice almost gone. “May I please see it?”

Mrs Sharp smiled and showed Numa her test. Even in the written response, all of the questions were done correctly and in Numa’s style of writing. She scoured the test from head to toe, looking for a clue that she could triumphantly shove in her teacher’s face to show that the gig was up. Coming up with nothing, Numa sighed and turned around to see if anyone was giggling.

“Aha!” Numa cried, pointing at the door.

Another Numa had come in, wearing a cute white shirt. Ruby was mid greet when she noticed that the original Numa was already standing next to the teacher.

Numa the Impostor realized her mistake and dropped her books (identical to Original Numa’s, of course), dashing out of the classroom. Normal Numa darted after her. Unfortunately, the Remix Numa was more athletic than the Original, so she was able to slink smoothly through the hall of students, receiving happy greetings from all those who had liked her since yesterday.

One senior student saw Numa II approaching, and tried to grab her into a hearty hug. Unfortunately, Numa II was moving too fast to be fully stopped by her new friend’s arms and instead fell down the stairs. While she recovered from her fall, Numa the Original had caught up with her doppelganger. Numa I grabbed on tightly and refused to let go.

“Oh my gooosh!” Numa II crooned, gawking at Numa I with fake shock, “We look so similar!”

Numa I frowned and tightened her grip on her twin’s arm. Finally, Numa the Second decided to fill Numa the First in on the dilemma.

“Okay, here’s the thing, Numa,” Numa II started, “I’m here because you suck. You have reached elephantine proportions of suckage, and it isn’t your fault. That’s why I was sent. Your personality sucks, but it’s not your fault- you have good intentions. Your outfits suck, but it’s not your fault- money’s tight in your family. Your grades are so low that they can’t even be seen by Napoleon, let alone universities- but that isn’t your fault either. You’re doing the best that you can, but it’s just not enough! So we got you sick, and you were supposed to be bedridden for three days, but here you are. And I-”

“Okay, what?!” Numa’s hoarse voice interrupted, “First of all, who’s ‘we’?! Second, you planned to fix my life in three days?! Third of all, wouldn’t I just ruin my life all over again, since I’m not the one who’s really changing? Why not just help me?!”

Numa the Impostor thought about that for a bit. Then she nodded and agreed to help Numa the Original get long term improvement for her life. Remix Numa also conveniently didn’t answer the, “Who’s we?” question, hoping that Numa the Original would forget about it for a while. 

“Okay, I’ll get the books, you prepare for self improvement classes tomorrow,” Numa II said, “And I’ll brainwash your schoolmates. I doubt that seeing two of us is something they’ll forget on their own.” She chuckled, “Can you keep that a secret?”

Numa and Numa shook hands, ready for change.