Initiating Reincarnation

It’s beautiful today. The flowers have bloomed, the sun is shining on the trees, and nobody seems to mind the storm clouds headed our way. You don’t either. You know that we’ll be sheltered by trees soon enough anyhow. 

You do not question going off the path and into the thick of the forest. This is a national park, and we could easily get lost, but you trust me so fully that you believe in my ability to get us back to the car. Part of me wishes that you knew your fate, but I can’t bring myself to say it. I mustn’t tell you that you will not be returning with me.

Instead, I am going to let you think we’re planting a secret garden. A small legacy that we will share as part of our lifelong friendship. So pure, so...wait. What was that you said?

Focus, damn you! Take in every word! This is the last opportunity you have to hear the unique melody that is their voice!

I know you’re annoyed, but please repeat yourself. You’ve already found the perfect clearing? What time is it? How have three hours passed already? No matter. Time to do this. I’m ready to take your fate into my hands. I love you too much to allow you to be tainted by the sickness that plagues this world. Your current state of self must be preserved.

That’s it, turn to look at that bird. It’s singing you a farewell song. Feel my arms wrap around you and take in the warmth and comfort that they provide. Smile at me just one more time. I want your last memory of me to be a good one.

Easy now, easy. Don’t mind the cloth, just breathe in. Let yourself be pulled under. See the darkness as a comfort that you will never have to be pulled away from. This is the only darkness that will not bring misfortune or pain. This is the darkness that, with the assistance of other substances, will preserve you and your perfection in the calm of the empty, forever and ever.

Now to construct your gateway to the afterlife. I have spent months planning this design. You have no idea how I agonized over every detail, losing sleep and probably part of my mind. I settled for no less than perfection.

First, you will be buried at the place of honor, right in the center.

Jesus, I should have brought gloves. This shovel is wreaking havoc on my hands. Though I shouldn’t complain. The last time I had to dig a hole this deep, I had to dig into Georgia clay. It had nothing to do with burying someone. You are the only one I’ve done this for. 

That took a lot longer than I thought. Let’s get you in there. 

Christ, your dead weight is a lot more cumbersome than I thought it would be. For someone so little, you are incredibly heavy. There. Now to cover you up and move on to the next step.

I am planting fir trees around you for the cherished time that we have spent in each other’s company. Also, I know you’re big on Christmas and Jesus and that whole schtick, so you’re welcome. Fir trees make great Christmas trees. I might decorate them for Christmas once they grow big enough. You should thank me by sending me a sign. You know how much I despise holidays, especially massive commercial ones.

Now for the chrysanthemums, marking the wonderful abundance of your cheerfulness and optimism. No matter how bad things got for you, those two things never wavered. It is almost impossible for an individual to be so happy, but you managed to do it, and do so without drugs. You never let anything get you down, and if you did, you were great at hiding it. You never wanted me to worry, so you made sure you never gave me cause to.

Fuck, was that a spider?! Are there...no. No, there aren’t any on me. Whew.

That’s one of the few things that I despise about spring. The bugs emerge from the ground faster than the plants. As much as I want to get rid of them, I am grateful for their role in the decomposition of your flesh. 

However, I am more grateful for the purity of heart that you have possessed your entire life, as symbolized by this baby’s breath. That purity was what first drew me to you. I had never seen its equal before, and I doubt that I will see it again.

Thus completes my shrine to you, an eye modeled after your own golden windows to the soul. That soul will brighten the world after this one, shining so brilliantly that I’ll see it from wherever I go after I pass on. Wherever that is, I can’t say, though I’m sure that it will be somewhere horrible seeing as I took your life from you. Potential denial of redemption, if such a thing can be attained, was worth it for what I’ve done for you. Meanwhile, your body will nourish the earth around it, bringing our garden to elegant fruition. 

I expect to see such fruition when I return precisely one year from now, on the first day of spring. At that point, we will be able to revel in our creation, in the fact that we participated in the glorious rebirth that manages to affect all of life. Hopefully, you will have ascended by then and you will be able to stand beside me, holding my hand in spirit as we celebrate your transcendence. In the meantime, rest well, my darling. You’ll need the energy for your reincarnation into a deity of purity and soother of souls.

I’ll see you soon, my dear one. Now that you’ve shuffled off this mortal coil, it’s time to tie up a few loose ends. I’ll inform you how it went upon my return. For now, though, it is beginning to rain, and I have to focus on what I will tell the park rangers that are no doubt searching for us.