A Dangerous Dare

“I dare you to take drugs, Jacks got some” giggled Tina,

“I’ll do it” as I reached out my hand my eyes opened with a start, same old nightmare. Funny thing is, who would've thought a dare would be so dangerous. What was my friend thinking. Why? why did none of us think it was stupid. Jess had known it was stupid. Here we are, reality. I lay here, cold white walls, airless and too hot.

“Do you want a coffee” Tina asked nervously, was she my friend I thought to myself. Or was this, the once a month visit that I received to ease her guilty conscience. I sighed, of course it was. But we were young and stupid back then. I didn’t blame her, not really.  

          “Look, Tina you don’t have to keep visiting, you have your own life to lead and seeing you hover over me like that, drives me crackers” I joked wanting her to laugh not well up with tears, “Stop blaming yourself, It was an accident you weren't to blame” I said, I always found myself repeating the same thing with her. Ready, here we go. As if on cue, Tina started the dramatics, collapsing theatrically onto my bed, head in hands, tears flowing profusely.

“I didn’t mean it, please please forgive me”

“Tina, it's been five years, I don’t even think about it, it happened! Get over it, move on” Every time, I tried to ease her guilt. I just wished she would go and never come back. I was sick of it! Tina looked at me, she was very good at acting. Fluttering her big made up eyes and making loud simpering sighs. I’d had enough, five years of this crap.

“Get out and never come back” I screamed.

“Why? you hate me don’t you? really hate me” Off she went me, me, me.

“I don’t hate you, I hate the depressing way you look at me, the way you don’t really talk to me not like a real friend, because your not a real friend, your someone in our gang when we were young, the stupid one that everyone hated” There, I had said it!

Trying to make it better I carried on “Look I’m sorry, That’s not true, I should have said ages ago, I just don’t want you coming here anymore. I need to move on and try and live my life. Your guilt is like a weight around my neck. Please go”

Tina stood there, shaking. I waited for a reply, perhaps a dramatic outburst. But nothing came, she turned around and left the room. 

              Sometimes I was mean, really mean. I knew I was, but sometimes life dealt you with a rubbish deal.

“Hello Grumpy, where's that smile” boomed my crazy, young physiotherapist Mr H peeping around the door. He had a mop of brown curly hair, thick glasses and freckles. He was my excitement of the day

“What's up with you?” he said sarcastically.

“Hmm, let me think, I wonder if it could be the huge spot on my face or constipation” I said sarcastically, throwing a dirty look at him. We always ignored the great White elephant in the room, the real reason. Suddenly the door is thrown open, Oh yes of course another drama goddess, another guilt tripping but crazy and adorable BFF.

“Hello, ooh is it your lucky day today” she said winking at me, knowing full well I was crazily obsessed with my physio, it's not that I had a lot to be crazy about.

 “You're just in time to see madam walk her first steps” he said.

“What did you say?, have you got a magic potion under your fancy dress outfit” I said, feeling nervous, excitement swelling up inside my body. I knew my legs were getting stronger but I still hadn’t been able to put all my weight on them.

“I’m up for this” said Jess

“Oh, course ready to see me go flat on my face” I joked, we laughed and she hugged me

"You got this, bestie I’m with you all the way”

“You two gonna have me crying into my hankie in a minute”

“Oh shut up” we both said together.

“Come on let's go to the unit and show Jess what you can do” bellowed Mr H. We chatted on the way

“I’m going to miss this thing when I finally get rid of it. Five years of speeding up and down the corridors in my wheelchair as fast as I can always annoying or bumping into someone".

"I remember when you first came here, only 12, bald as a coot, timid as a mouse, you wouldn't say boo to a goose and here you are now, I can never get a word in, I'm going to miss you when your gone” he said poignantly. 

“You haven't got rid of me yet, do my parents know todays the day” I asked knowing that they didn’t have a clue, Jess and Mr H shrugged their shoulders. You see, my parents were loaded. That was why I was here and they were nowhere to be seen. The minute I had the accident, I was put in this place. They played their part, in a once a year trip to see me but that was it. I had stopped caring five years ago. The people I cared for were the ones that enjoyed being with me and liked who I was, good or bad. The special people, Mr H my long suffering curly haired Physio. My Jess, Best friend who had been part of and saved me that dreaded night, Jack, who I hated, for that night but loyally put up with a tirade of abuse thinking he deserved every bit, which he did even after all these years! My loyal clever brother Joe, who retold every adventure and affair of the heart he had to me with great detail, too much detail sometimes! Finally my family of lovely nurses that I adored. 

“Come on Daisy daydreamer lets smash this” Sang Jess. ”Have you spoken to Tina, I was mean to her, can you tell her I didn’t mean to upset her”

“I had a word and told her she had to get on with her life and leave you to it, she’ll be fine Daisy, you should have told her to get stuffed years ago” Jess said in a matter of fact manner. I nodded. We pulled up to the bars, they were my enemy and my friend. Every day as soon they were able to, Mr H and his team had me do my exercises, this had been going on for what seemed like an eternity!

 I whizzed the wheelchair around to be in between the bars. “Steady, don’t rush yourself” Mr H's, voice was serious and quiet. Exactly how it had been when I was younger, it gave me confidence, like I could do anything.

“Pull yourself up” he instructed

“I know, been doing this long enough” I muttered agitatedly. “Here goes” I pulled on the bars, yea! First bit done, I knew my legs could hold for this bit but walking, that was another thing! I took a sharp breath. I looked at Jess, every bit of her was willing me to walk, I knew she had her fingers crossed behind her back. She winked. I winked back.

“Get on with it”, Mr H was surprisingly, impatient.

“Why? have you got somewhere better to go to?” I smirked. With one heave at a time, I put one foot in front of the other, they held, they went, I stayed up. As I reached the end of the poles I realized all I could hear was my breathing. When I looked up there were tears streaming down Mr H's and Jess’s faces.

I’d done it, triumphantly I slumped exhausted. Quickly Mr H drew the wheelchair beside me and calmly said “Tomorrow, we go again”

“Is that all you can say, five years and that's all, five years of misery, years of thinking I would never walk again all because of a dare, a stupid dare, something that everyone else walked away from but me, come on Mr H give me a bit more” I exclaimed.

Jess was still standing there like a statue, what was wrong I had walked for the first time since I was 12. They were in shock, they must be I thought.

“I’m sorry, I am so proud of the girl you have grown up to be. I love you as a daughter” he said, tears brimming again. Jess laughed

“Really”

“Oh shut up Jess” I said, thinking how much I had a crush on this man but secretly he was a better father to me than my own and I loved him too, I was quite happy with that. We wheeled back down the corridor in good spirits singing all the way. 

We arrived at my door.

"Now don't go mad but...” Jess announces and as she opens it I grin, There are balloons and flowers, my brother, my nurses and Jack. All my special people. Clapping and laughing with me, celebrating me being able to walk a few feet, I was proud of myself and I could see Mr H beaming with Joy. Jess was happy, she hugged me and held my hand. We had always been real to each other.

“I can’t wait to take you to that night club dancing” She whispered and I laughed.

“Hey Sis, I hear you can walk again, am I gonna have you yipping at my heels again annoying me like when you were little” chuckled Joe with a twinkle in his eye.

I beamed,

“Most definitely big brother, some ones got to keep you in line”.

I looked up and there was Jack, he never had a guilty look like the rest, just a great well of sadness in his liquid, brown eyes. That’s why we still talked.

“Jack you can stop looking sad, I can walk, be happy”.

We had never talked about that night, he had visited me for the past five years and I wasn’t really sure why. He was from the rough part of town and I was from the snobby part. We had been friends but not close, just in the same gang but on that night when Tina had dared us to take a pill. Jack had them in his pocket. He had pulled out a little bag with what looked like sweets. He had got them from his big brother. Tina had called us snobs, told us we were too uptight to do anything. I could still remember her taunting us. We were only 12, Tina was 14 and Jack was 13 years. Jess said No, but I wanted to show Tina, I wanted her to see I could do what I wanted, that I wasn't scared of anything. I didn’t even think about what might happen. I grabbed a pill,

“Come on then Tina, you think you're so cool” I shouted, Jess had pleaded with me to stop but it was too late. I had swallowed the pill. I guess the rest is history. Apparently I fell from a great height high on ecstasy and ended up where I’ve been for all these years unable to walk until this moment.

“Jack you don’t owe me anything, I never blamed you, it was my fault” I wanted Jack to believe me and be happy, he knelt down

“I am happy, happy you can walk and happy that I’m your friend” he said with a huge smile that I had never seen before.

"We can all go dancing” squeaked Jess.

The room was filled with laughter and love for me. I searched the room with my eyes and then found my angel, the person that had been there throughout “Mr H” I called, he hurried over his curly hair bouncing, glasses at an angle "What's the matter now” he sighed.

“Thank you, for everything” I squeezed his hand meaning every word.

“Thank you Mr H”.