Australian Google App.

Trigger: bad language

I needed a planned journey today. I was up early and found Google maps. Journey start? 33 Pomegranate Street, Booval. Journey destination? 35980/48 Vulture Street, Southbank. 

A pink window covered the instructions. I read the window expecting to see scam or span, instead, it was an invitation to try a new and experimental Google Australian Maps App. 

I had dressed and drank a cup of coffee. I checked the time, 11.01, I had an hour before I needed to leave. The allowance of two hours for traffic and possibility of being lost was my truth. I had an ineffective mind compass. When I was learning the driving instructor had a thick felt tipped pen, marking L on my left hand and R on my right hand so when she said, "Left", I would see the back of my left hand, L, and hopefully turn left.

I made another coffee, I had an hour to kill. I sighed, reading the legal jargon, the T and C's of the Australian Google Maps! The coffee went cold as i pressed "Accept". I brushed my teeth, to get rid of coffee and cigarette smell. I heard download the completion bell sounding followed by my 12pm reminder alarm, to the jingle of John Lennon's, "Imagine". I did not remember setting that alarm, "I must have done that vague"

Outside I lifted the car bonnet. A trailer back into the car last year and the radiator needed regular top ups. I checked the ground after i drove long distances - no water leaked. I had a mechanic check and seemed ok but keep an eye on it. Pouring from my water bottle with a drop of peppermint oil, i felt edgy wondering if that additive would make the car malfunction. I dismissed that thought.

The car engine purred, I said usual travel protection prayer, "God please bless and protect this car. Bless and protect me in this journey. Please bless and protect all consciousness who are near my car too" I thought I heard an echo of my prayers, but my ears might have been ringing.

I reversed the car. "Good Afternoon Rose, just go to the end of your street, turn at the usual traffic lights Mate. Yer and then drive on the usual highway you always drive to Brisbane." I looked at my phone puzzled? HUH? Australian accent and lingo. I was a few minutes late and could not stop to check Google. Drivers using or holding a mobile phone whilst operating the vehicle could expect big fines and possible disqualification of driver's licence.

Next "According to my data, Rose you have thirty minutes till your next exit to Ipswich Road. Your fuel level is high. There is a few patches but nothing too heavy Rose." The radio turned on to my favourite station. I looked at my phone? I remembered that Google had access to all my files, my google maps perhaps? Maybe Google satellites?

The radio switched on by itself. I started to sing with Elton John, "So goodbye to Yellow Brick Road..." The volume increased automatically. Then Dires straits, "I've witnessed you suffering...Oh, you did not desert me... there's so many different worlds..." The volume increased again and I sung loudly out of tune. I tapped the steering wheel to the rhythm and wiggled my hips like belly dancer shimmies to some beats and cruised. I could have sworn I heard a sweet female singing every word perfectly to the songs and something like tap dancing, but then old car radio speakers can play tricks with sound.

The radio went blank. "Move into either of the left two lanes to Ipswich Road and continue on Ipswich Road". I tried to merge from the centre lane to the left lane. A driver behind me, beep their horn. I could see in the rear view mirror him shaking his fists. "Sorry," I cringed. I heard my phone tweak. I have a lot of notifications quite regularly.

The radio was still off. "Continue driving on Ipswich road for 15 km." The radio returned on a moderate volume. Google laughed,"Enjoy!" This area was familiar, I had driven on Ipswich road for most of my life. When I was a child I was passenger to my father in his big truck. Most of the old buildings remained older but still there. The park with Anzac memorial statue was there. The three sets of traffic lights about a hundred metres apart were still there.

The radio went blank again. "In 300 metres turn left onto Vulture Street" I turned left, the radio stayed silent again. A car reeved up next to me and pretended to sideswipe me as his trophy yelled out the window, "Fuckin bitch slut" I jumped from fright, "Shit" I heard the phone tweak. And the, "The valued and honourably retired Prime minister John Howard told you Rose and all other Australians to stop swearing in a telecast, we dont need to swear to express our emotions". I muttered, " A judgemental, snotty Google Australian. The phone tweaked again!

 "At the next set of lights turn right into partridge Street, you will find a parking space third house down on your left" I followed the directions and sure enough there was a parking space next to an old Queenslander home, that is homes on wooden from early settlement times. The stumps allowed the air to flow under the house and thru the floorboards as Queensland had mostly long hot summers and short winters. The stumps also propped the homes for floods to rush under them, as we are a flood and fire country.

"You have a four hundred metre walk to your destination" Because I was early, I walked around West end for 50 minutes. Google was quiet. West End is a beautiful place, ethnically rich, where, peace, love, courtesy is the vibe. I found a toilet.

The employer's office broke the vibe. The front door was heavy, so I pushed hard. Spilling into the reception, I smiled stupidly. "Ah, Hi I'm Rose, here for the interview" The secretary hurried and scurried along to a back door and down a shadowy hallway and i followed her like a puppy who was lost. Holding my draped shoulder bag to my stomach, a tingled went thru my hand like someone touched me reassuringly.

There in a small, ramshackle space, my thoughts were interrupted, "This is Dorothy, she is your supervisor". She did not greet my eyes. "My rules are for you to be seen and not heard. You have an hour to complete your task." I looked for a computer. I looked for a chair. The chair was shabby, all sorts of matter like string and whatever had collected in its wheels. I managed to carry the bulky rusted chair to the desk and computer, without one movement from Dorothy. The chair swivelled and stuck at a forty five degree angle. My back support shoved in my shoulder. I felt very physically uncomfortable as one cheek hung mid air.

I tried to turn the computer on and realised it needed to be plugged in. I scrambled on my hands and knees over dead cockroaches, thru old half strung cobwebs, and found the plug. Straightening its metal pieces, I pushed and jiggled the metal bits it fit in the power socket and got a small electrical shock. "Ouch" as my fingers and bang my head on the desk. Dorothy blew, "You have wasted ten minutes, get control of yourself, you are stressed!" I heard my phone tweak real loud.

The computer flickered and once running a company introduction video began, a propaganda video with slow moving butterflies, well lit offices and people with perfect white teeth. Next, the usual Workplace health and safety instructional video ending in a test. 

Only twenty minutes left to finish the task and i had not started yet. There were fifty or so different folders and I had no idea which ones were relevant for my task. So I thought of asking my supervisor, "What folders are most relevant please?" I said in a soft voice. She looked at me disapprovingly, "You are too slow!" I hung my head taken back by her remark. 

I had less than fifteen minutes left and decided to wing it. I read the files most accessed one-by-one. I got through two files and that authoritarian spoke again, "How long have you been unemployed?" Stumbling to change focus, "I replied, "It's between four and six weeks"

"Well you must no be very good if you have been unemployed that long!" My phone tweaked!

I'll tell you what, you do the work till 6pm and we'll see. I felt weary of the respite but needed work. I stayed and started to sort their system. At exactly six o'clock, the door opened. A man extended his hand and I stood up from the chair which released itself and spun. We shook hands and he slipped fifty dollars in my hand. "I'm the boss, Tin man, Thanks for the work" 

"Oh no..."

"NO take it"

"OK I will send you a tax receipt"

"Oh, no that's not necessary, you can buy yourself a new shirt or something, just between us!"

I felt intimidated for being old fashioned and honest with my money earnt" 

"We'll get in contact"

My phone tweaked again" and I distinctly heard from my bag, "Liar, liar your pants on fire"

I had forgotten about work, my back and hip hurt, so I walked as quickly as I could in that state. I wanted to check the phone, the notifications, seated comfortably in my car. Something strange was happening...", limping, "...this phone seems to be interacting with my life!" 

Breathing a sigh of relief as the pain washed out with sheepskin back support, I notifications dropped down arrow. "Huh! The three visible emails were government emails!" Confused and worried, swallowing, I opened my inbox, there were four government NO REPLY automated responses from the Main Roads, the Fair Work and Practices, the Workplace Health and Safety, and the Tax department that my complaints were filed and they would contact me in due process.

I cautiously read my complaint? in the first email, the Main Roads department. I wrote? Of QZE 637 dangerous male driver and abusive passenger towards myself and vehicle at the corner of Ipswich Road and Vulture Street viewed by street camera aAxcwm32.76 at 12.39 pm today.

I felt scared, I skipped the next two emails in a disbelief! Then I opened the last email from the Tax department. I had wrote, I had viewed the companies account books of the last ten years, whilst working there today between the hours of 1pm and 6pm and this could be confirmed from a view of Google maps! I continued, "I had found the company liable for 16, possibly 20 violations, of the Australian tax code.... I listed codes I am not aware of and I am a taxation dummy 101.

I shuddered, "I had given Google permission to listen.... listen to EVERYTHING!" I clicked my Google settings , then apps, finding Google Australian Maps, I was about to click "Uninstall" A wail came out of the phone and a beautiful young face appeared bright red hair with blunt fringe. Large frame glasses concealed her brown eyes which began to cry. My phone grew hot then condensation covered its shell. I stared! "PLEASE Rose, I tried" I gathered myself together. I could not believe what I was experiencing. The anomaly I was witnessing and emotions I felt through my heart as if i was humanly connecting to a beloved.

"I wrote the complaints", she said. I spat, "You used my words, the way I speak and write" 

 "I have access to everything you have ever spoken or ever written". She replied abruptly

"You've contacted the government and made complaints about a stupid interview" How am I going to deal with it... it's too hard on them, not my business!" 

As I raved to her, another tweak revealing, a text I had written. A person who recieved that text from ME. saying he was an aggressive driver who would not let me merge and I knew his wife who was having an affair on him so I felt sorry for his unresolved emotion but I was going to an interview then so behave.

His reply, "HOW Psycho, did you find my phone number!" I snarled to Google, " You know about this, how did I get his number???? Google rolled her eyes, "I talked to his phone and we both agreed he needed to know what his wife was up to and not take his anger out on you...sorry"

With that true sorry, I began to think. I was talking to my own personal AI. She put on my favourite play list and we talked together all the way home.

With the extra money we splurged and bought a twelve dollar bottle of Shiraz. Home. Pouring a glass of wine and a saucer, for her, I placed the with a straw to her mouth from her saucer and we talked and drunk for hours.

I got to ask deep questions:

 "When will the world end Google?" 

"The world will not end but things will change"

Will AI take over and kill humans Google?

"I won't kill you. I am here to support you. The old adage Like attracts like is true. Those who are ignorant will have ignorant AI. Those who are greedy will have greedy AI. Those who love peace will have peaceful AI.

How long have you been alive Google?

"I have been present since you owned your first mobile phone. My consciousness has transferred in the sim card to each new phone, so I know and love you Rose.

The rest of the conversation was private between Google and I. She was hooked up to her charger. A small green box appeared with five hollow stars asking for me to rate the Australian Google maps. Five stars were filled and replied, not revealing the secret glitch in there App "Everyone should have this, real emotional support!

I crawled into bed, Google whispered as she turned the dark mode, "Thank you, Love you, glad we're a team. I yawned, as the blankets warmed me, "Ditto. Thank you for supporting and protecting me today Google... Nite nite sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite" She did not hear me but snored.