TRUE TREASURE THAT MY MOTHER DOESN'T WISH

 Fears do loom up before the great escape come in live. It is that movement the blood does pump up in the vein. Was it why my mother was not happy the time I was born? Did she fear the cause of me not going to escape circumcision, joining army, marriage to unknown girl among many things in live? Is there a connection to my birth? Yes, a great connection to these questions in live. I think that the person who has concern for others shall go for it in live. It is real; the reality in live. At the time when my own mother gave birth to me she possesses a great fear of losing me.

 The fear that pops out of her mind is big though there are other women who might have underwent such a pain. She should be like other women within her village. Why do women fear when giving birth to a boy? In Sudan the blacks colour were seen as bullet proof according to the leading government of that day. Which contribute the fear that my mother underwent? It is better to give birth to a girl as boys are taken by force to be recruited to army training as nation defenders. So simple to give birth to a boy like me was great stress to her. She looks worry like Egyptian mother whom their baby’s boys were killed in process of killing Jesus the Son of God. Yeah Jesus the Son of God whom Christian believes in and upcoming king that the king fears mostly in live. I was not an exception in that as I was born three years in 1986 when the Sudan was dividing. The southern part of the country need to lead while northern was leading the country and the civic war already starts in the region where I held that was 1983 the war has three years.  

Hey! Women why do sometime do you worry for nothing. Look now my mother start to develop a fear of losing me. That was when I was six month old and my father came with this old man to recreate my foreskin. It looks like culture to my tribe. And what is the motive behind many women were eager to know. Is it to protect one from other disease? Or just to make it smarter in the eye of the future fiancés. Hey, woman brings your son. We need to make him cry. We did not see him crying one day since up today. ‘’What, what have you said father Mangarlual?’’ she inquire. She looks worry as she fear to see me crying like he-goat that goes the same way. For what reason that you need my son father Mangarlual, she asks in strong voice. Oh woman, just bring him and you will see as we take him nowhere but we will do it here. We have other women who will join us here.  I think you will smile afterward. Do not worry your son will be okay. The old local surgeon sat without the tool except small black knife. That is ‘’Palnguuot’’ the knife for operation only. But why is it look black? Did not you have white knife. Oh woman you fear black than white one. They all do the same work. By the way we are black and due to that our knife should resemble us. Do you have white knife with you? The old man asks. ‘’Yes, she said.’’ I did not like this black knife. It looks like cobra waiting for prey to bite. That is why I hate it. No, no this black knife represent us. Its colour is good to us.  However, you are right. To avoid being racism in our live, I should have two knives. Black one and white knife and I think I should increase their number. To have triple black and triple white knives to avoid being racism. Okay that will be fined for me as you said that you need to avoid being racist in live. Okay, women have come with their babies boys. Is it not possible for one to ask question before you start?  Yes, you can, said the old man while smiling to himself.  Okay, the question why do you call all other women to come to my compound? I need to get it from both of you. Except three uncles were not including. Second what is the reason of removing foreskin from my boy? Why and what is the motive behind this? Okay; I need one woman to add to before men response to our questions? Moreover, let me say that you can feel relaxed. As I know that you can speak up. Ladies I can say that this is a human right zone. You can ask your questions about event. Let us feel free to ask our husbands and uncles. Asking is good as we will get the answers to what we ask and that is good side of asking. Let me begin like this why they plan this to our sons? Why do these can be done at this stage to our sons? Was it right for these children to cry like what we think that will happen later?  I think I have right to ask, get answers. However you can ask the fathers of these children to let you know more if you fail to get it here. Welcome ladies? Before that, Ladies first, I think men may ask later. Okay, I have the third question. Where will we discard the remove foreskin of our babies?  Oh, this is good question. Well you will bury them. Okay, where will we bury them? Is it allowing to go back to your house and burry it? No, it is here for this is where I choose for this V.I.C.D which stands for village’s international circumcision day for them. Be happy and make ululation for this is a great milestone for your sons. It is a great day which is the second to their birth and the first on this for them to undergo on this world. Women smile and three women ululate to their top voices. I simile for I knew that the old man will begin his work with me. I hear mother always saying that I was birth first on that day. Other boys were born in their hours the same day. So that is proof for me leading them in all ways. In such a live the old man calls my mother to sit in front of him and I saw my dad. He started smiling to me. I simile back and the first cut has gone. He simile again and I did the same and the second cut was gone. This time he smile and mine is mixed up and the old man smile to me. I am finish with him, said the old man. But before other child was brought I heard much ululation including my mother. She smiles to me this time, and I smile back to her. Great hero like the father and like me, said the old man. Brave boy like me and smile boy like us. Give him five mill of black wine. The bitter to let him forget the pain, the old man said while smiling to me. My mother was not happy at this time as that will look like introduce me into alcohol at early age.

It will make him get drug. Why did not two or three mill? I am not comfortable to give him but for insisting I will give him black bitter wine as you said. I need my son not to cry for that is not good with him. I think is big and why do we give him such a thing? My mother the old man caught the leg of other child. This time even though I was did not cry to tell them that it is painful. This boy was the coward baby among us. When the old man touches him, he start to cry and I wonder why while his uncle was there to smile for him. This boy  cry like nothing the first cut was follow by much noise like young one of the goat until his mother help him. ‘’Look at you, said the old man. Do you think this will be the last pain that your son will have? You are a liar for there are uncounted problems waiting your son outside there; there are a lot of pains waiting for him. Many of them are just waiting to finish his tears and yours such are including the removing lower teeth for his smartness, arranging mark on his forehead to make him real Dinka man. Marrying unknown girl from unknown tribe, you will cry till you lack tears. Stop this for you are trying to let this children sense that there is a problem here’’ the old man said in strong voice. I am here to let their foreskin shine for their future wives, he smile to old women who sit near him. He remains with three to finish us. I was still smiling that give my mother deep. To think normal or there could be numbness that I did not feel the pain. She spins me hardly to test. I groan and she smiles to us. This time she believes that I feel pain. Her conclusion is that she will go and bring us stew that was been prepare for us. I drink mine and smile back. She was happy that I have escaped the pain for her to be the mother of brave son. It was that theory which gives my mother to believe that I am a brave boy within her family. All our neighbours came out and smile to us. We look like France dolls to other children.

Even though, others children who underwent were not brave like me. All receive my respect for being brave among them not like one who urinates on their mother’s laps and the one who blow toxic gas to test the old man. Our days were full of joy and smile as we spent four days. I see them as my guardian but four day later all had left to their houses. I assumed no problem a head that I will encounter in live. Oh my God I will escape this problem that I sense ahead. What shall I do to escape it? Will a boy really going to escape the force recruitment? Yes, I see the problem but man worries not your mother. The boy force recruitment is not for you alone. It is for all boys. So happy not unhappy like the hen. The giver of eggs and human waits and pick them. The hen may not be happy which is like mother with me.  I hear my mother saying that how can I will help him? Yea, I can let him be a free boy? She thinks and thinks about it.  Will I send him to the city? Mother said. She look confuse on how I will escaped the army force recruitment that is going on. No I will not do it, that it where the great force recruitment of boy has been force. No she rejects that decision.  So I will remain with her to be strong farmer. I will be a botanist that she wish in live. She had been wishing for me. I have grown up till heaven. I need to ask why God was not creating me as girl. I will be the most beautiful girl of my age.  God said look here son; I have created for you with purpose so care for them. You are a leader to this people. I ask Him which people my God without great fear. Oh, my child said by God. The people within this nation who are resemble you. They look like you so all are your people that you care within and outside. Oh, no my mother said I should not be leader. She fears that leaders do also go against the law. Many of them were force to sign what they did not plan to do. She does not need me to be like them. The men that are elected to be leader without their willingness do something they do not need but due to leadership that they have. Will I become a leader who will be the most wanted leaders in the world? No, I should forget about that in live. They end up in going contradiction to what they law may not need.

Do you know who you are? I have a role of creating you. I am one who need you to be good child. I need you to be strong in your work that you do. I say no but I think that I am a servant of God.  Oh right God said, be a leader to them. They are your people you a leader. But there is something that prevented me to be a great leader. I love all people regardless who are they?  Therefore, I went to school to avoid being force to army. I make it through. I break the barriers and I thinking on how I will treat all people. For I need to be a doctor, to be a teacher, to be carpenter, farmer to the people. The one that most people will be running, calling or looking is me. I love my people of being good in listening but I hate of being short temper. How will I change them? How will these groups of people will going to follow me? What will I am going to do? How will i But there is a fear that I think. It is this one, oh that one on how I will escape of being a leader? Do I have leadership quality? Will I be good in training others? I will be going to stand in church to preach the gospel of love? All and other were they there to see that which are been hidden in me.  God must be a wonderful God for I some good in me. God has hidden something in me. I have spirit to inspire others on how to treat their followers in fair manner. I have that but there is an issue that worry is being the leader who will lead the people in good and bad time was the worst part of it.  Great child, Great leader, that is why I need you to be a leader to my people all time of good and bad. Now I have found you. You will go to be a leader.

You will not going to escape God who created you. I AM who I AM. I am your God who created you to care for others. Oh, God really do will I do that, will such a words that you said will stick on my head? Okay let those be there lingering on my head.

Yes, I was stuck like car in the mud. Where will I go? Will I be able to escape being leader? I wonder how?  So, I run back to mother. With hope to tell me what I will say to God? I doubt but why and she is a mother. It is your wife that can hide the secret from you. And your mother, No she will tell you all thing. So I went happily to ask how I will escape this time. God had a plan which is lead his people? ‘’will I be a leader to lead the people?’’ I ask my mother to help me. She feels surprise for such a question. She needs me to be a farmer not a leader as leader goes far to politics. However she is not aware that farmers do a leader. Will I be a farmer? My mother was not aware for me to be a leader. She does not know that I will be a farmer union leader. Oh, that is good question. She said happily as she reaches to pulls out stick inside the drawler. She said to me look at this black stick. You see this, you see it, she said to me. This stick is for the leader. Do you need it?   I stuck on what I will say to her. Will I accept then it means. I am a leader which she was not wishing for me. I was tempted to say yes, I need it. Mother, I said it and she smile. Okay that is good son. I will reverse all what I think about leadership. But I warn you my son as you think up to be a great leader of your time. Be a good son. Be a good leader for I know good leaders do good thing to their mothers.  Will you be good son? I node, she look happy to see me. She said for you as son. Treat people like that way your old man who wore red cloth did to you. That way you should treat people that way. For the old man treat you well and that is why you did not cry like others children that came after you. Do you know why? Simple because he care and we are the witness. So son do your things in good way for all of us in this family, we need you to treat your people like the way you will care. A great leader does not run away when problem a rise in live. The good leader stands for people. My mother encourages me to be free; to be good, to have free marriage live, to be free force recruitment in army, bad leadership in my live. And I make it now I have move great mile of escaping bad behaviour and obtain Godly live that my mother need for me. What about?