The memory of sunset

David could hear the door behind him opening quietly, a set of heavy footsteps walking up beside him as he stared numbly at the night sky. "Do you mind if I smoke?"

He smirks tiredly at his friend John, trying his best to show him the reliable leader he thought he should be for them. "Knock yourself out."

“...so, how are you hanging?"

Apparently he didn’t try hard enough.

"Really? Do I really look so bad that you feel the need to make small talk?" David couldn’t stop his words from getting out, the stress of it all finally causing the metaphorical glass to spill. Part of him wants to apologize to his friend on the spot, but the other more present part is too tired to even try, so he just sighs in defeat and hopes for the best.

"Honestly, it looks like someone has been shitting on you all day and you just gave up on trying to make it stop.” John spoke up, lighting his cigarette calmly, not bothered in the slightest with his outburst. “So yeah, you look terrible."

"Dammit…" David chuckled mirthlessly at John’s comment. Even if there were better ways to put it, being told about it bluntly seemed something he needed in that moment.

He could sense his friend shifting beside him, turning to look at him with honest concern. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, but at the same time I just want to get this outta my chest!" That was pretty much the story of David’s life. Bound to carry an impossible weight that no one else could ever attempt to carry on their shoulders, not even slightly. But then his line of thought is interrupted by a cigarette in his peripheral vision.

"... cig?"

Finally, David turns to see John, offering him an already lit cigarette. "Thanks." He takes it tenderly in his hands, driving one end towards his mouth as he takes in a long drag, almost as if he was gasping for air after being so long underwater. Somehow the intoxicating smoke felt more refreshing than the air itself. 

"Ah don't mention it, I got spares back in the car." 

"You do know that shit kills, right?” David makes sure his friend is looking at him as he says this, sounding like a disappointed father despite the same age between the two. “Especially with the amount you smoke a day."

"Ha! As if what we do isn't more dangerous and more likely to get us killed than lung cancer!" John seems too proud of himself, and despite not wanting to, David finds himself laughing at his friend’s antics. It's an extremely morbid way of thinking, but there is a bizarre logic behind it that just ends up making him crack. 

David takes another long drag of smoke before finally focusing his attention on the conversation at hand. "Remind me, how exactly did you decide to follow me through with this mess? I mean… how are you okay with any of this? Why the hell are you guys still putting up with this mess when you aren't the ones cursed to face it?"

John remained silent for a while and David suspected that maybe he had gone too far now and was about to lose the only remaining anchors he had left to a modicum of normality in his life, until he simply just shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I don’t know about the other guys, but I stick around because I want to see this to the end and because I still owe you for saving me back then. If I was to make a guess though, I think the same could be said for Ash and Clive.”

The answer leaves him shocked, not what he had expected but happy to have heard it nonetheless. Still, he felt a sort of responsibility and curiosity that just needed to push the conversation even further. “I envy you…”

“Hmm, how so?”

“You actually choose to do this and can back out at any moment if you like, I can’t,  because apparently ‘chosen ones’ don’t have freedom of choice. You can go out and have lives outside of saving the world, so am I wrong in wanting to stop fighting just because I want to have a life of my own? Even if it’s just for a day?” David hates how weak he is sounding now, he is supposed to be the one to face against the darkness, against the shadow of the universe, instead he is just ranting at his friend how much he wants to quit. 

It's not fair that it has to be him, but it also isn’t fair for the world to have to suffer because of his selfish desires. The rock and a hard place scenario, a cruel and unnecessary classic.

“No, no you are not.” John pulls him away from the treacherous thoughts once more, his voice level and careless as it usually is. “You got handed the worst hand of all, I don’t think any of us would really blame you if you suddenly decided to stop being humanity’s savior…” John goes silent again, contemplating his next words carefully as he finishes off his cigarette and begins to pull a new one from the package. “Let’s say you could drop being a hero for a day, what is the first thing you would do?”

David is taken aback by the question, not fully expecting this to have been the way the conversation would go. Still, he pauses to think of an honest answer to give. “I mean, I don’t want much, I just miss the old times before the dreams started. Maybe a good night's sleep, that sounds nice right about now.”

“Oh come on, you would have chosen that one regardless of the dreams." David didn’t know what he expected, but to have John mock his answer and laugh at him sure wasn't the first thing he expected. Regardless of it, he knew there wasn't anything genuinely hurtful in the reaction, just friendly teasing. 

However, that didn't mean that it wasn't grounds enough for David to flip John off, though that only made him bellow in laughter even louder. "Come on, pick again.”

David sighed in defeat, taking in another drag of his smoke as he thought of another answer, an old pleasant memory flashing in his mind, and with it a more suitable answer.

“Well, there is something I wish I could do again.”

It seemed his confession was a satisfactory beginning of an answer for John, who simply nodded along as he watched him curiously, a wordless go ahead to further explain this wish.

John chuckled silently, a cocky smirk already creeping on his face. "Does that something have anything to do with that cosmic fling of yours?"

It was impossible for David not to roll his eyes at what his friend was implying, punching him on the shoulder just for good measure. "... jackass."

John simply laughed, clouds of smoke escaping his mouth with each exhale. "Look me in the eye and tell me you weren't thinking that~"

David felt the need to punch his friend's shoulder again with a bit more of a sting behind it than before, only thinking against it after realizing it would only make John try harder to get a confession or reaction from him. 

“Maybe in another life…” David sighed defeatedly, a tinge of melancholy in his voice as he turned to look at the stars. “As much as I would like the idea, it is not likely to happen any time soon.”

“True,” He could feel a heavy hand falling over his shoulder, roughly patting him in an attempt to reassure and comfort. It hurt, yet they were welcomed nonetheless. “But that would also mean that if you never got tangled in this ‘Children of light’ business, neither of you would have met. You really should stop seeing the negatives for once and just enjoy the silver linings you have.”

“The world really is falling apart if you are the one trying to inspire me with a speech…” David joked, the first genuine sound to come from his mouth since the beginning of the night. Taking the last drag of his cigarette, he held the butt of it between his fingers and threw it into the night sky, uncaring of where it would go. 

He could feel John’s cocky grin beside him, a proud look on his eyes at having managed to break down his defenses with ease. With a soft sigh, David finally answered the question from before truthfully. “Back home when I was little I used to do this thing every night I got the chance. There was this park right in the middle of the gated community we used to live in, and at the other side of it, right near the edge, was this sandbox with a large playground! They had everything: monkey bars, stairs, slides and swing sets!” David spoke with the same enthusiasm as if he were in a confessional, yet his words were more truthful than those he might have shared in the presence of a priest. 

“Sounds neat.” David nodded in response, not commenting on how John was already snuffing out his now late cigarette and pulling out another one from its packet.

“Well it was made out of steel and concrete, so it was starting to rust and chip away under the sun and wind but I still liked going there, even after I turned fourteen. But it wasn’t the games that made me want to go there in the first place…”

“What was it then?”

“The sunset." David paused for dramatic effect, enjoying his tale more the longer time went on. 

"I don’t remember how it got there in the first place or why I decided to do it, but I climbed up the railing on the slides and made my way up to the pipe roof of the set.”

“Holy shit! Did you ever fall?” A cocky smile was beginning to spread across David's face as he heard John react. Somehow, it was more satisfying than punching his friend in the shoulder. 

“No, thankfully. My parents would have killed me for doing something so stupid if the fall didn’t get me first. Still, the risk was worth it every time. I couldn’t really see above the roof of the houses, but I could still see the sun setting behind them, turning the blue sky into a sea of colors. Yellow, orange, red, pink, violet and finally black, with small glints of starlight shining on and off. The same colors, same order, but it always felt like I was watching it for the first time.”

“Sounds like a treat.” 

David nodded, a soft melancholic smile creeping on his face. "It was. When this is over and we go back, the first thing I'm doing is climbing that playground again and seeing the sun set behind the houses."

John simply laughed, this one genuine and understanding compared to the first ones. If David turned and looked at his friend in the face, he'd see his eyes sharing that same emotion. 

"How about this…" John started, putting a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder, a fresh cigarette on his other hand. "Why don't we look for a spot where you can see the sunset while we deal with this. It may not be as pretty as it is back home, but mountains and trees should be a good alternative to houses."

David couldn't help but chuckle at the proposal, his hand snaking towards the offered smoke. "Sure… that sounds like a great plan."

Taking the cigarette in his hand, a small flame producing from the tip of his fingers lighting the tip, David took a deep drag, letting the mouthful of gray wisps of smoke escape his lips as if it was a cold winter day before looking at his friend with a daring smile. 

“Where do we start looking?”