I’ll be back

God I hate funerals, the solemn stench of death fills the air, as families weep and mourn the loss of a loved one. I can’t believe it's been 2 weeks since the death of my father, and I can still remember the sweet sound of my father’s voice as he went off that night.  “I’ll be right back. I’ll be home before you know it, sweet pea.” he said to me as I lay down in my bed that night. Little did I know that was the last time he would tuck me in. 

I remember every careful detail of that night. From the small sounds of crickets chirping outside to the smell of my soft blue childhood blanket, which had a tear in the top corner of it from many years of love. I gripped on to it for dear life. The room left an awful taste in my mouth that was dark and cold. I felt alone. I thought my father would return home that night, and that he would come to wake me in the morning and life would be normal. It was ten o clock and I was frozen even though I knew my body was itching to break free and yet I lay there. Still not a sound but flashing lights and cars driving by. I finally closed my eyes. The next day I woke up to the sound of my melancholy mother. I walked over to my brother Eddy’s room. He was fast asleep, good. The last thing I want is for him to be upset like mother seemed to be. Her cries got louder as I crept towards the kitchen where she stood motionless in front of the television. What I saw was about to change my life forever. I looked up at the TV, the news was on, the headline read, Breaking News: Car crash 1 dead 2 injured… I closed my eyes just as I had to fall asleep that night hoping that when I woke up this would all be a dream. But it wasn’t. My thoughts danced around my mind, practically taunting me, begging me to forget what I saw, to deny what was happening. I kept saying to myself, Father is fine there must be someone else on that screen. But then I opened my eyes, my mother trembled as she reached for her phone still crying. She dialed the hospital, I couldn’t make out what she was saying but I knew it was bad. She dropped the phone. She turned around, and said softly, “Sweetie, take care of Eddy, Mommy is just going to take a trip, I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be right back.” Those four small words filled with pain. I remembered how my father had whispered those same words to me only this time the fear of losing another loved one surfaced.

 She kissed me on the forehead and I said goodbye. Goodbye. Why is it called a good-bye if I may never see that person or people again? But Mother returned. Tears filled her kind blue eyes as she ordered me and Eddy to get into the car. Still sleeping Eddy rested his small head against mine. We arrived at the hospital, room 317 D, that is where they had my father, that is where he died. I never knew the full story, all I knew is that a man killed my father that night, and I hated that man. He crashed into my father because he was drunk and that's all I know. I thought I could never forgive him.

2 weeks. It’s been 2 weeks since the death of my father and from that single moment, I knew my whole life was going to change and my presumptions were right, it did.

    I lie awake, restless. It was like my thoughts had consumed me and all that was left was my lifeless self. I closed my eyes and held them shut tight. I had hoped this would make me believe it was all a dream. After all isn’t life just one big dream? I don’t know just thoughts. Desperately trying to sleep I attempted to clear my mind, but couldn’t. I then heard a noise. A sound like tiny pitter-patters going up and down my hardwood hallway. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, nothing to be afraid of, it’s just my cat… But there were things to be afraid of. The world is a scary place, especially for a small vulnerable kid like me who still sleeps with that same slightly torn blue blanket. As I crept down the hall, my heart sank even deeper. I ended up in the living room, and sat down for just a moment. Tired, my eyes drifted off but I was quickly awakened by a cold hand. I felt it on my shoulder. I looked up and there he was, a tall shadow of a man that resembled my father. Then I realized that he was there. He was with me. He always will be with me. Forever.