These four walls...

"Roses are red, violets are blue.

Everything is falling apart and I'm here, stuck with you." Sutton wrote in her little black leather notebook which she kept on the little brown table that stood at the corner of the room. A room she shared with her boyfriend, Charles.

The year is 2020, February 12th and there's been a little gossip or rather some ''birds chirping'' in and out of town about a virus spreading, quite deadly if you ask me. There have been reported cases of infected patients however, no data as to where this virus is coming from or its causes. The cases have been rapidly increasing and so, a national lockdown of 3 weeks has been imposed by the president. This means that absolutely nobody is allowed to go out in public for whatsoever reason as the virus is rapidly spreading and risks are not to be taken especially when almost 3.1 million lives are at risk. People were advised to strictly wear masks when going out and get what they needed and head home immediately.

Outside was shooting with heat and you could tell by the way Sutton quickly moved away from the window metallic bars, that it was indeed hot outside. She couldn't help but drift away into thoughts and memories while staring out the window. Her mind was clouded with them and she wished she could somehow turn back time and relive them. Memories of her and Charles. They had a fight last night and she didn't know how to feel because for the first time, things actually seemed to be turning sour between them. You know that feeling when you drink lemonade and you feel a sudden citrus bolt of lightning in your jaw? Yes, things were definitely turning sour.

Her and Charles had been high school sweethearts and have been together ever since. It has been 3 years after high school now and they're both in their final years of university, graduating next year...fingers crossed! Back in high school, Charles and Sutton were the school ground's power couple. Everyone wanted to be them, everyone wanted what they had, oh you know: Rainbows, candy floss and unicorns. Everything was beautiful...then. After high school, they have since moved to western part of Cape Town in order to attend the same university, University of Western Cape Town. Furthermore, they hoped it would be good for their relationship. It has been a good three years, until recently. Before the lockdown, Charles was always busy. He was hardly at home, he never wanted to do anything with her and it was almost as if he resented her. Their fight yesterday wasn't verbal nor physical. It was silent. Like the dead night. Sutton had made Charles his favorite dinner. Mac and cheese, with chicken on the side. Charles hadn't touched it. It sat there on the table, covered and almost lonely looking. He said he wasn't hungry but hell, they lived together and she hadn't seen him eat anything all day, apart from cringle scrapes that might have been in the cupboard for who knows how long. Their apartment was big or rather comfortable. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and living room, which were kind of one room but, they most of the times made their room, their home. The extra room was being used as a storeroom and they enjoyed being together. It gave them a picture of how they'd actually be after graduation. A real home, a pet and in the far future maybe kids? They enjoyed the comfort of their small little room. They enjoyed each other. Two peas in a pod. A four walled pod. Recently however, today, now more than ever, there's nothing more that Sutton wanted than to be away from this man. This cold man that she no longer knew. It's almost as if Charles had become an old poem. A poem she thought she understood. A poem she thought she could analyze. She was wrong. She didn't understand him anymore and she couldn't read him either. In less than a month, Charles had become a stranger to her.

Charles fell for Sutton the moment she entered their commerce class in 11th grade. Which makes sense because they're both doing a bachelor's degree in Chartered Accounting. They were both honest and hardworking students so there was no surprise that they fell for each other, I mean who's not attracted to brains right? But that's not quite what attracted her to him. Sutton had a way of getting to him, and into his head. She was kind and understanding and was one of the few who knew how to tear down his walls. He was intrigued by her. Fascinated! Sutton has always been living in South Africa however, Charles originally was from Namibia. He moved to South Africa when he was 13 when his dad got a promotion and had to move here. He is part of a wine producing company. In their final year of high school, they decided to attend the same university as they feared losing each other. The thought of long distance? Charles couldn't stand it and he's sure Sutton couldn't either. They haven't really spoken thoroughly about it after high school but it seemed like a pretty good decision then, until now. Charles was starting to feel distant. From Sutton and himself. Maybe it was the lockdown getting to him, but as far as he was concerned, everything bored him. He was irritated! He wanted to go out. Out of this room. Out of this town. Out of South Africa!

It was now June, and as expected the pandemic wasn't getting any better especially because it was winter and the virus spread even faster than before. Restrictions became more intense and borders were closed, meaning no travelling into or out of the country. Charles cleaned out the storeroom and was now sleeping there. Sutton wasn't at all happy about it, but she didn't have a say. They spoke less and every time they did, it always sounded so formal. No good morning kiss, Sutton no longer prepared food for Charles and everyone minded their own business and focused on their school work. School was a bit hectic this year because everything migrated online, which meant no face to face learning. This was frustrating, especially for Sutton. She was used to being on campus. The air there felt different. It smelled of independence and educational tranquility which is weird because this course was very stressful and challenging but Sutton preferred it to this air. The air in that room. Colder than the air outside. This air...inside, was dead. It was angry and it had no love. This air was filled with resentment and she was tired of breathing it. She wanted to go outside. She wanted to be free of this air inside. It was a beautiful winter morning outside. It was snow white and quiet. You could hear yourself breathing and thoughts were three dimensional. You could hear yourself think and there was no escaping it. Charles came into the room and took the charger which they shared. Sutton's charger had broke and due to the pandemic, it was taking time for a new one to be delivered. She had ordered it online. Charles had taken the charger from the socket, removing her phone. It was fully charged and he abruptly placed it at her table. Without even looking at her, he walked out of the room. Sutton's heart sank. She couldn't believe it, but it has been like this for almost five months now and it was almost as if Charles hated her. But what had she done? During the past months, Sutton tried to create small talk with Charles. She'd try with jokes but the energy he returned was always sour and cold like the winter outside. They'd greet each other and maybe talk about formal things like how many toilet rolls were needed and that's it. Charles wondered why he was so cold towards Sutton. Why he was so distant. Why he was so tired of everything. This made him even more angry with himself because he was being this monster to this woman that he loved so much. The only person who understood him. His best friend. His girlfriend. What was going on? What was the problem?

Sutton was seated outside on the stairs and next to her, brown autumn leaves were falling. The cases have decreased and people sort of started to embrace the pandemic. This was their new normal. Inside, Charles was glued to his laptop screen reading through some summary slides. He wondered why Sutton was sitting outside for so long as if they didn't have a test scheduled for tomorrow. She hasn't been studying- Yes he's been secretly watching her, I mean what else was he supposed to do when not busy studying? It was only the two of them in the house so it was only normal that he noticed everything she did. Like how all of a sudden she'd become shy when walking back to her bedroom after a shower. She'd hurriedly trot from the bathroom, almost as if she were afraid for her towel to fall in front of him, even though he has seen her naked before, so he didn't see any reasons for her to be shy.

''Do you want to end this?'' Sutton's voice whimpered from the stairs.

"I assume we've both been thinking about it and it was only a matter of time before one of us brought it up. Us. This. What is this, Charles? " Asked Sutton.

"What have I done to you? For the past few months, the energy has been off in these walls. You don't talk to me, you look at me with resentment in your eyes and you've even moved out of the room...our room, Charles." Her voice was breaking now.

"I can't do this anymore. In fact, I don't want to do this anymore."

Charles was quiet and shocked. Perhaps he didn't expect her to be the one to say this? He couldn't say. The room filled with silence and Charles stood there, eyes white, wide and open. His throat was dry. He didn't know what to say. Assuming she wasn't going to get a reply from Charles, Sutton was ready to walk away until he finally said something... ''Being in here, for almost a year, stuck inside this place made me realize. It made me realize that I miss home. My real home. I miss Namibia and I think I want to go back. I am going back.'' Charles exclaimed. "What-" Sutton interfered. "No, let me finish. Being stuck in this room, it made me realize how caged I've been feeling ever since I moved here and I want to break down those walls. I want to be free. I want to be at home. This is not home for me. It never was. I'm sorry." Charles said quietly. Sutton was frozen at this point. Her whole world was shattering in front of her and she didn't know what to do. Charles was her world and now he was saying all these things that came out of nowhere. "I'm sorry for taking it out on you. At some point, I blamed you for what I was going through. That it was your fault I moved here. That I'm studying this course, but the truth is, we both played a part in making the decision to come live here and I'm deciding to change it, for my sake. I don't know who I am here. Its been almost 8 years since I've been here and I still have no idea who the real Charles is...I'm sorry." Charles said. Sutton was quiet, standing pale and still. She didn't know what she was feeling, but it wasn't a bad feeling. She was feeling...free, liberated and lighter at heart. She slowly moved closer to Charles. She stood in front of him, so close she could smell his after shave. She gave him a long, tight hug. "I forgive you. Maybe a bit too fast, but I forgive you. I have immense love for you and I want you to be happy. That feeling of confinement you've been feeling? I've been feeling it too. You're all I've ever known, and I think its better we separate and continue this journey on our own. We deserve it. Once his pandemic is over, I too will travel the world and just...you know, explore things!" Sutton said. "Are you sure? You're okay with this? you agree?" Charles asked. "Yes, I think its for the best. You and I are one and the same person so trust me when I say, I understand you." Sutton said, smiling. For the first time since February, the year almost being over, the tension in the house was gone. The air in the room felt lighter. Like a summer's breeze. The pandemic was still here, but the toxicity was gone, finally!

By December, the lockdown restrictions were changed and the borders were opened. Exams were finished and Charles had left for Namibia two weeks ago. Sutton was now at her Dad's in Johannesburg for the holidays. She too has moved out of the apartment that she had shared with Charles and was ready for new beginnings. Charles was home now and there was no better feeling. He and Sutton still kept in touch here and there and he was busy job hunting, trying to keep himself busy. He was able to reconnect with his mother and the rest of the family that side in Namibia. He promised to visit his father back in South Africa at least thrice a year, or whenever time allowed. Life was indeed beautiful. Namibia was experiencing a lockdown as well, but now it was different. He didn't feel trapped anymore. He wanted to be here. He was free. He was home.