Waiting

My entire life, I've always been waiting for something. In kindergarten, I was waiting for recess. In second grade, I was waiting to go to 3rd grade. In 5th grade, I was waiting to be a middle schooler. In 7th grade, I was waiting to get my period. In 8th grade, I was waiting to become a high schooler. 

In sophomore year, I was waiting to drive. In junior year, I was waiting for the SATs to be over. In senior year, I was waiting for prom and going to college. And then I waited to become an adult, vote, get a tattoo, drink when I'm 21, a car, a house, a job. But this is so much bigger. 

I’ve waited so long my entire life. But I’ve really not known what I was waiting for. Waiting for all those moments in my life, celebrating my tiny successes, or milestones, I was always looking for something. And I didn't know what that something was. So I just waited. Hoping to find something along the way. 

And now I finally know what that something is. And it's driving me crazy to wait for it! I honestly don’t even know if you’re supposed to even wait for anything your whole life. You just live, right? But then you realize that there’s so much that you can do to live your life. There are so many things in life that you can’t just get right away. So you either just wait your whole life, like me, or you can live in the moment. 

Choosing to wait, means that you’ve established that you’re missing something in your life. Whether it’s a family, marriage, friends. And because you know that you’re missing something, you can never enjoy anything with your full joy. There’s always that one part of your soul that will never accept the moment without that missing thing. 

So it sucks. Waiting for something that’s not promised. But it’s too scary to imagine life without it. So you just hang on to that thread of hope, or should i say wait, and just… well… wait. 

And because you sometimes don’t know what that something is, you have nothing to do but wait. So you wait for these moments that might show you what you were missing your entire life. Or you just wait for the thing to show up. But if you’re just standing at an empty road, a car won’t just stop to pick you up and take you right to your destination. It doesn’t work that way. 

And the thing that we’re waiting for, or at least what i was waiting for, you have no idea what it is. It could be a certain feeling or emotion, person, change of lifestyle? See, I don't even know what are a few things that I might be waiting for. 

But this is the one thing that I think might really be the thing I was waiting for my entire life. It could be my entire life. And that’s saying a lot. Because i’ve tried almost everything to find that missing thing. Whether it’s working at a zoo, or a hospital, or even a McDonalds’, though I doubt that McDonald fries are what I'm missing. 

I’ve even moved through one house to another, thinking that maybe one of these houses will make me feel at home enough. And I've rummaged through the library, trying to find the right book that might take me on a different path. I’ve moved to different cities, jobs, cars, and so many more things that I can't even begin to name. I was more desperate to find that missing thing, and I've gotten to the point where I can barely live without it. Because this is the only other thing I'm waiting for. After this, I don’t even know what to do, I've moved around so much. 

And this world is so big. Whoever says it's a small world is lying. There is so much to search when you don’t even have the slightest clue of what you’re looking for. After a while, I was getting pretty sick of it.  I wasn’t going to feel whole again. So you just quit searching.

And I just kept myself busy. Whenever i’m busy, i don’t think much of anything else, except to get a few more hours of sleep. Before, I used to keep myself busy by looking for the missing part of my soul, and now I just gave up on that quest.

So I began creating new make-up. Opened a new business. A lot of people really liked it, so I just created a whole new make-up line. And it exploded! In a good way. My customers were loving my make-up. 

I mean, obviously I worked really hard on this make-up line for more than 3 years, so this success didn’t just randomly appear. I had to work really hard for it.

When I stopped searching and started to accept my life just the way it was, I tried things that I thought would make me happy. Just lived my life.

And now I might collaborate with Kylie Cosmetics! Things are going to change a lot more, not just with the public, but within my soul. I’m going to be living a different life than what I grew up with. 

All these years of waiting, and I finally found my missing part. And the ironic part about this is that it almost just came to me. I just had to work for it, and I created this new world with new make-up. 

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I can’t wait any longer. I burst out of my bubble and opened the emails. The most recent one, from Kylie Cosmetics. I opened the email. 

Ms. Green, 

We have been amazed with your new make-up line, and we would love to collaborate with you to create even more make-up for our consumers. We would love to hear back from you as soon as possible as you take our offer into consideration. 

                                                                              Kylie Cosmetics.

I quickly opened a new draft and began typing.