Imaginary Big Sister

“Meredith,” Her mother called through her daughter's closed bedroom door, “I have a meeting this morning and we're having company over this evening so I need some help around the house. Will you please change out the bathroom towels?”

Meredith had to pause in the middle of getting dressed, take a deep breath in, and let it out as smoothly as she could. “...sure,” she answered, keeping her protestations to herself, and dutifully went about the task.

She brought the dirty laundry downstairs and headed into the kitchen to have her breakfast.

“Meredith,” Her mother called, following her into the room while putting on a pair of earrings. “Will you unload the dishwasher and take out the trash when you're done, please?”

Isn't it obvious I'm getting ready too? Meredith thought to herself. “Sure thing, Mom,” was the correct answer though.

She was in the middle of the dishwasher when four-year-old feet came padding down the stairs, followed by her mother's voice from the top of them.

“I need to get dressed. Will you give Bailey some breakfast please?”

“Will you let me get to school, please?”

“Mewdith! Mewdith!” Her sister came running in, thrusting a half-dressed doll at her, before she could protest. “Will you help me dress my Barbie?”

“You need to eat breakfast first, though.” Meredith politely took the doll, satisfied Bailey's request, and made her a bowl of cereal.

Meredith finally got out the door but school was no better. She was a quiet, average student but today she felt like all her teachers called on her for the tough questions.

“What do you think, Meredith, was Boo Radley a villain, a victim, or a hero?” in English class.

“Meredith, would you show us how to find the quotient with these exponents, please?” in Math class.

“Meredith, what is one difference between the presidential office and the British prime minister's?” in History class.

“únete al Club Español! Join Spanish Club!” The Spanish teacher exclaimed to no one in particular at a hallway booth during lunch while Meredith happened to be in earshot. She wasn't even in Spanish class.

She stopped at a bulletin board hawking various club meetings, event postings, and announcements. She was looking for a specific one: a poster promoting a Taylor Swift club she was trying to start. It was underneath a pile of cheerleading fliers. The culprits passed by while she was clearing away the obstruction.

“The party this weekend is going to be wild!” Gwen, the head cheerleader, said loud enough to get Meredith's attention. “Too bad your parents don't let you out after dark, Meredith,” She snided to her, eliciting laughter from her two cronies.

“What's the deal this time?” she continued, “Babysitting your baby sister or knitting with your grandma?”

The laughter continued. The grandma dig was too far and Gwen knew it.

“Aren't you late for making out with the quarterback or something?” Meredith's best friend, Yasmin, cut in just in time. The cheerleaders snide-eyed them and sashayed off. Successful dig returned for a dig. All week the rumor mill had been gossiping about fights and a breakup between Gwen and the quarterback and Gwen hated that there was dirt on her now.

“How is your grandma?” Yasmin asked.

“Her memory lapses are getting longer and she's getting crankier. She barely remembers anybody and they're giving her a couple more years at best.” Meredith teared up. “My parents are helping get her affairs in order.”

“I'm sorry,” Yasmin hugged her. “I know you were close to her.”

“Thank you,” Meredith dried her eyes and carried on, tired of her own name by the end of the day. She walked a long route home for some solitude, wishing she could just disappear. Not permanently or by some scary kidnapping or accident or anything. Just maybe invisible. For a day or two at least. She stopped to pick up a penny and then by the fountain in the park where she thoughtlessly tossed it.

Her next stop was right outside of her house. She was confused. Mom said they were having company over, but her family's cars weren't in the driveway. Maybe they took them somewhere or picked them up? She shrugged and started inside for more shock. Another random teenage girl was playing with her sister.

“Hey, do I know you?” Meredith tried to get their attention. “Hey! Bailey!”

They just continued to mind their business, acting out their own stories with the dolls and toys. Nothing in the room was loud enough to drown out normal conversation. She called, whistled, and shouted to them again with no more avail. Giving up, Meredith turned towards her room. Ascending the stairs, she noticed something else odd: the family photos on the wall were different, fewer on display and showing fewer people. There was a familiar picture from her parents' wedding, a normal portrait of the two of them, and a shot of her parents with Bailey as a newborn, but nothing with Meredith. She was there for a family picture after her sister was born. She continued looking around the hall upstairs at the other displays but found nothing of herself; no school photos, no photos of her as a kid, not even family snapshots including her. Her perplexity grew. Where is she? What happened to her pictures?

But more still was opening her bedroom door and not seeing her room. Her Taylor Swift and Harry Styles posters were replaced by abstract art pieces. Her plush comforter and colorful pillows were traded for subtler counterparts. The dresser was clean and sparsely filled; her clothes and personal items removed. The closet empty save for linens and toiletries a guest might need.

A crazy thought dawned on her as she plopped on the bed but she refused to entertain it. Determined, She shot off the bed to search the family records and keepsakes, determined to find the punchline in this joke. She searched the house all evening only to come up dry. No birth record for her, no old report cards or art projects, no ribbons or trophies from her grade-level achievements. No baby things that Grandma would've made her. All the while, everything she seemed to find was for, about, or by Bailey.

Come to think of it, Bailey seemed to have more toys than Meredith remembered. Peeking in her room while the sitter got her ready for bed, the room was definitely a lot more fun than how it was this morning: pink walls with Bailey's in wooden letters, colorful bedding, and toys everywhere. One would think she was an only child. Meredith couldn't remember Bailey ever getting a Kidkraft Mansion Dollhouse and so many Melissa & Doug toys. The Barbie Dreamhouse she grew up with happened to be a sturdy hand-me-down for her sister that eluded Goodwill donation for ten years but now that was nowhere to be found either. Giving up, Meredith returned to the dull bedroom to sleep and try again in the morning. Surely people at school aren't in on this too.

Not hearing her name during roll calls felt weird and while yesterday she was all for being a more silent participant in class, today of all days entailed surprise Kahoot quizzes in all her classes. Every announcement about it made her groan. Of all days to be seen!

Meanwhile, she couldn't greet her favorite lunch lady serving in the cafeteria buffet line and couldn't find Yasmin in any of their usual hangouts before it occurred to her to check the library. She forgot Yasmin always had more niche interests, but she embraced and respected them if nobody else did.

“Yasmin!” Meredith called to her, “I'm having the weirdest day--” As happy as she was to see her friend, Meredith suddenly remembered she was talking loudly in the library and more so that she couldn't be seen or heard. Helpless, she watched her friend, sitting at a table by herself with her back to her, eating lunch from home while reading fantasy novels. Today she seemed to be the minority. Meredith wanted so much to remind her she was there, but it seemed she wasn't.

It really was like she was never here. The thought started to make Meredith ache. She was physically and consciously in this world but the world didn't seem to know her. How can that even be?

Quietly, she left school before lunch was over—no one would know she was gone anyways. She wandered her way toward the park. The weather was spring-like even though the calendar still said winter: blue skies, sunshine, fifty to sixty degrees, and a little breeze, so the place was busy. Pet families walked their dogs, though none barked at her. Balls and frisbees came her way but their owners wouldn't have seen her helping them. The people-watchers on the park benches wouldn't pay her any mind either, she thought.

“Meredith?” That is until a familiar elderly voice crooned her name. It stopped her in her tracks, scanning around for the source, she spotted her grandma sitting nearby with a caregiver. Meredith couldn't believe it though. Her grandmother was forgetting her own name, much less the names of her loved ones.

“Meredith!” Her grandmother started waving to her, the recognition registering in her voice and in the sparkle of her eyes.

“Grandma!” Meredith ran to her, bewildered but more so grateful for the first recognition she experienced today.

“But your dementia...” Meredith started while embracing her, “It's like you recognized me right away. And you see me!”

“My mind is going further away than my eyesight, dear.” Grandma clucked.

“No, not in that sense. I seemed to have made a crazy wish to disappear and now it's like I never existed! Nobody else knows I'm around...or not around...”

“Oh, child,” Grandmother consoled. “You'll have many wishes in life, but your heart never forgets what's important. You and your family aren't always in my mind, but you're always in my heart. That must be how I can see you.”

A tear ran down Meredith's cheek. It was the most touching thing anyone had said to her and also the most coherent conversation she had had with her Grandma in a while.

“I love you, Meredith,” Grandma thumbed the tear away and kissed her granddaughter on the forehead. “I'd like you to meet my nurse,” she started to turn to make introductions, but at the same time, the nurse turned to her, taking her arm.

“It's time to be heading back home, ma'am,” the nurse declared.

“Oh, it is?” The elder was surprised, her memory seeming to relapse again. Meredith watched as she was led away.

Leaving the park, she struggled with what Grandma said. It almost stung to imagine not being in anyone else's heart right now. Yet, they didn't know she did—or didn't—exist. What was important enough to be in hers right now anyways? School? Yasmin? Grandma? Her hometown?

The spring-like winter day was ending with gray clouds, harder wind, and a drastic temperature drop. She had to hurry home and arrived to a storm of another kind.

Before even walking through the door she heard Bailey wailing. Meredith burst in, finding the living room looking like an aftermath of a tornado. Toys were strewn everywhere and not in a playful way.

Bailey stood in the middle of the room, her face scrunched and skyward while she bawled. Mom knelt at her side, to be on level with her to soothe and attempt reasoning. But the toddler fists at her side holding a board book one moment suddenly launched it across the room the next.

“Bailey Louise! No, ma'am!” Mom gave a stern warning but looked battle-worn. Disciplining the tantrum and preparing dinner were getting in the way of each other and Mother had to hurry to the kitchen to catch something boiling over. Bailey continued howling.

Meredith was appalled by this Bailey. The sister she knew never threw tantrums this drastic. The mother she knew had practice...and an older daughter to assist at times. Meredith started to see value in what she always saw as motherly nagging to do chores or to babysit. Her involvement helped keep peace and order. More still, her sister was her other best friend. Meredith was starting to realize what was in her heart.

“Bailey-bee!” Meredith cooed her sister's pet name while crossing the room into the eye of the storm, not caring whether or not she was seen. She wanted to help. Incidentally, Bailey's crying decreased.

“Sing with me, Bailey-bee!” Meredith encouraged while starting to clean up her mess. “Our song is the slammin' screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window...”

Bleary toddler eyes stared at her, emotions lowered to whimpering now.

“How about this one?” Meredith changed the song, “Some day I'll be livin' in a big old city and all you're ever gonna be is mean...can you see me?” She stopped, making eye contact with her. Bailey just nodded.

“Can you sing with me?” Meredith encouraged with a smile while picking up more toys. “You love this one! 'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play, and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake....shake....”

Bailey just shook her head no. Meredith put her hands to her hips and stared back at the child. The Bailey she knew loved those songs. The Bailey she knew was one of Taylor Swift's biggest little fans because of her. She forgot this wasn't the Bailey who knew a big sister though.

Just then, Mom returned, having dinner under control and a little more fortitude regained to address her existing daughter's behavior.

“Are you ready to talk like a big girl now, Ms. Bailey?” Mom asked, getting back down on the floor.

“Behind you,” The toddler innocently blurted.

“Behind me? What's behind me?” Mom was taken aback. Meredith suddenly realized Bailey was referring to her. She thought quickly.

“Your imaginary big sister!” Meredith spouted back.

“My imaginawy big sister,”

“You have an imaginary big sister now?” Mom responded.

“Uh-huh...” Their conversation continued as Mom got to the bottom of Bailey's thoughts and feelings that evening. Meredith slipped away upstairs to reminisce on sharing Taylor Swift music with the sister she knew. She wondered if she'd have to fill her role as an imaginary sister from now on? Most kids had an imaginary friend for a couple years. Would it be the same between her and this Bailey or would this Bailey always see her?

Meanwhile, the outside was black, save for outside lights and headlights. The wind now howled, shaking anything outside, and rain pelted everything. Altogether too nasty to return to the fountain to make a new wish, Meredith thought.

She lay in bed, listening to the nature storm when the door creaked open. Slipping through the crack was little Bailey, dressed in her pj's and dragging a blanket.

“Imaginawy big sister?” Bailey asked as she entered.

“You can call me Meredith,” she sat up.

“Big sister Mewdith,” the toddler restarted, “Can I sleep with you? The storm is scawy.”

“Of course!” Big sister welcomed, appreciating the opportunity.

“You have a pwetty singing voice,” Bailey complimented as she settled into bed, “Can you sing another song, pwease?”

“There's somethin' bout the way,” Meredith started “the street looks when it's just rained. There's a glow off the pavement. You walk me to the car and you know I wanna ask you to dance right there in the middle of the parking lot. Yeah...And I don't know how it gets better than this. You take my hand and drag me head first fearless...and I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless....”

Meredith dozed off around eleven-eleven as the storm subsided.

At dawn, she woke with a start, sitting up in Bailey's room. The room she recognized, her old Barbie Dreamhouse on a shelf in the corner. Tiptoeing out of the room, she opened the door to the next one, revealing her room, full of her posters and belongings. She shuffled down the hall and down the stairs, noticing herself in every family photo again. She existed once more and wouldn't take her purpose for granted.