The Lamp

I never should have decided to clean out the attic. No one ever cleans out the attic before they move. It’s a thing, like, and unspoken ritual that everyone just decides to ignore the fact that the attic is probably full of old junk when they buy a house. I know I never asked if the previous owner cleared out the attic before I bought the place. The inspectors said the roof was in good shape, so why would I care what was in the attic?

But for some reason — some stupid, stupid reason — I decided that I would break the cycle of the hand-me-down attic. I mean, I probably would’ve at least gone up to get the Christmas ornaments and other decorations, but those were right by the trap door. Why did I venture all the way in? For six years all that old, dusty stuff just sat there, but then I decided to go poking around three days before the move.

Oh well, what’s done is done. I can’t unfind the lamp.

I found the lamp in an old wooden crate by the round attic window. I stubbed my toe on the crate as I moved a musty old mattress out of the way. The mid-morning sun shined across the crate and caught a glimmer of the faded brass of the lamp. That’s how I saw it. It was shiny, and the magpie in me shouted “ooh! Take it!” I couldn’t help myself. I had to take it.

It was made of dirty brass and I immediately thought I knew just what it was. So I picked up as carefully and quickly as I could and rubbed it with my sleeve. I don’t think I have to tell you what I thought was going to happen, but I will anyway. I thought that all of my dreams — three of them at least — were about to come true. It looked like a Genie lamp. It really, really looked like a Genie lamp.

I closed my eyes and waited. But nothing happened. I rubbed it again, but still nothing. I held the lamp in my hands and looked at it, really looked at it. There had to be something special about it, there just had to be. It was a small, brass lamp that looked exactly like a Genie lamp. It looked like it could’ve been a Disney prop, but it was real. It wasn’t a cartoon.

I clutched the lamp close to me and headed for the stairs. Maybe, I thought, maybe I just wasn’t cleaning it properly. In the stories, they always rub the lamp just a little bit and the genie comes to life and pops out in a cloud of smoke. But this wasn’t a story. This was my life, and nothing in my life has ever been quite as magical as books and TV would have me believe.

It was heavier than I had expected. And it was warm. Maybe the heat was just from the sparse rays of sunshine, but I really hoped that the warmth was from the genie who lived inside. With each step I took the lamp got heavier until I was dragging it along the floor to the bathroom. I heaved with all my might and it thudded into the bathtub. I ran the tap, and the hot water began to pool up around the little brass lamp.

I grabbed soap and a sponge and started scrubbing at it tirelessly. The years of dust and grime that tarnished the brass fell away into the water. The lamp shined so brightly, so cleanly. I could see my face shining back at me in its reflection. If it wasn’t clean, nothing could make it clean. But somehow there was still no Genie. I didn’t understand.

I turned off the water. I grabbed the lamp and pulled myself towards it. “Come out!” I yelled. “Come out here, I know you’re in there!”

Finally, little plumes of blue and gray smoke came from the spout of the little, incredibly heavy brass lamp. I sat back and watched, smiling. My mind was already racing to figure out what I was going to wish for:

1. to be the richest man on Earth
2. A unicorn
3. A swimming pool full of jell-o

The Genie formed out of the smoke, their arms folded in front of them and a grim expression on their face. “You again?” the Genie asked, their voice booming and echoing around the small bathroom. Their voice was so loud that I had to clutch my ears to stop them from ringing. “Leave me in peace!”

“I would like my three wishes, please!” I shouted above the echo and the ringing in my ears.

“You only get three,” replied the Genie.

“Yes, yes,” I said, “I know how it works. Three wishes, can’t wish for more wishes, have to rub the lamp. Well, I rubbed the lamp so make with the wishes!”

The Genie broke their regal stance and rubbed the bridge of their nose between their eyes in frustration. “I really, really hate that no one ever remembers,” they said — mostly to their self I assume, but their voice was so... overpowering that of course I heard.

“Wait,” I said. “What are you talking about? I just found your lamp. Just now.”

“No,” the Genie replied. “We’ve talked many times now. We’re well acquainted.” The Genie glared down at me as though I was incredibly dull and boring to them. “Once again, just because you can’t remember doesn’t mean you get three more wishes.”

“I already got three wishes?” I asked. “I don’t understand. Wouldn’t I remember?”

“Nobody ever remembers,” they said with a heavy sigh. “Please just put my lamp back and leave me be. This is the third time this week you’ve dragged me out for this idle chatter. I have a life too you know.”

“What did I wish for?”

“I can’t tell you that,” they replied.

All I could do was blink at the giant blue Genie who was crammed into my tiny little bathroom. None of it made any sense to me. Why wouldn’t they be able to tell me what I wished for? “Is it against the rules?” I asked finally. Clarifying, I added, “the Genie code?”

The Genie laughed at me. “No, it’s not against the ‘Genie code’. It’s against your third wish. I’ve said too much,” they frowned. “Put me back now and go about your life.”

“What?”

The air went hot around me and somehow the Genie grew even large, despite the fact that they were already too large for such a small space. “Put me back, mortal!” Their voice shook the walls.

I cowered from their wrath. Finally I found the words I needed. “Go back, Genie! Back into your lamp!” I yelled.

Suddenly the Genie shrunk down to a reasonable size and the air returned to normal. “Thank you,” they said in a quiet calm voice. “Enjoy your prizes and please don’t bother me again.”

In a poof of smoke they were gone and the lamp returned to its dull, tarnished color. I didn’t then understand what had happened and I still don’t. But as I sat there against the wall of the bathroom staring at such a bizarre object, I heard something else. A horse whinnying.

I rushed outside and that’s when I saw it: a unicorn. It was grazing in my backyard as though everything was very, very normal. How had I not noticed it before?