The Golden Parachute on the 35th floor.

“Hey, are you going to this retirement thing?” Bill asked.

Steve took a sip of his coffee, “What retirement thing?”

Bill sighed, “Do you not read your emails?”

“No. Not really. Why would I? I’m in the mailroom. I’m like the lowest of the low. I hold up the ladder so all these corporate fat cats can walk all over me.”

“Everyone is going to this thing. It’s for Arnold Powers.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, “Arnold Powers is retiring?”

Bill nodded, “Yeah.”

“Who the hell is Arnold Powers?”

Bill sighed, “Dude, he’s in acquisitions. He’s been with the company for 30 years.”

“And?” Steve blinked. 

“Do you know what 30 years here means?”

“Not a clue. I don’t work on the 35th floor, Bill. Hell, my pass doesn’t let me on to the 35th floor. I have no idea what goes on up there. Probably orgies and sacrificing babies for the sake of half a billion dollars’ worth of company profit every year.”

“Hey… there hasn’t been an orgy all year,” Bill joked.

“Yeah, ok Mr 34. I bet you’ve never been there either. Anyway, no I’m not going. I don’t know the guy and I bet the cake will suck.”

Bill rolled his eyes as he drained his cup and put it in the sink.

“Are you going to wash that?” Steve called out as Bill walked off, giving him the middle finger as he rounded the corner.

“Such a dick,” Steve said, finishing his chocolate milk and washing out his cup.

He returned to the mailroom where his boss, Hayley was sorting through the days mail.

“Hey, did you know Arnold Powers in Acquisitions is leaving?”

Hayley didn’t look up from her desk, “He is?”

“Yep. 30 years.”

“That’s a nice golden parachute he’s going to get,” she said absently.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, picking up a stack of legal papers for photocopying.

“Rumour is that 30 years’ service gets you a big fat payout.”

“Oh yeah, how fat? A $100 debit card limited to McDonalds.”

“People say it’s over a million.

Steve almost dropped the papers, “A million?”

Hayley stood up, putting the letters in the carrier, “Yep.”

“How long have you been here?”

Hayley smiled at him, “Oh it’s not for us on the 33rd. Could you imagine, shit-kicking in the mailroom for 30 years, delivering mail and photocopying a forest's worth of trees every day and then getting a cool million when you leave.” She chuckled, “Would be worth staying in this hell hole just for that. No, Steve. It’s only for those on the 35th.”

“So you’ve never met him?”

“Nah, they don’t care about us down here,” she said and pushed the trolley out of the mailroom.

She took her usual route around the 33rd floor, delivering the mail to all the admins and shit kickers. She stopped at Sarah’s desk and dropped a stack of mail on her desk.

Sarah groaned, “God, not more invoices.”

Hayley nodded, “Never ending huh?”

“Gotta spend money to make money,” Sarah said absently, opening the first envelope.

“Hey,” Hayley leaned in conspiratorially, “did you hear Arnold Powers is leaving?”

Sarah’s eyes widened, “He is?”

Hayley nodded, “Yep. 30 years. Can you imagine what he’s going to do with that big fat paycheck?”

“Probably buy a boat and retire to the Bahamas. Lucky bastard.”

“What’s he like?” Hayley asked. “Single? Cute?”

Sarah laughed, “In that specific order?”

“Not necessarily. So… you’ve mingled with the gods of the 35th, what’s he like?”

“No idea. I never met him.”

“Shame. Guess I’ll have to get to know him for the both of us.” Hayley gave her a wicked smile and headed off, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sarah.”

Sarah nodded her goodbyes and continued searching through the mail. She found the one she was looking for. The one her boss, Andrew, was desperately waiting for.

Putting the other letters aside, Sarah got to her feet and with Andrew’s letter in hand, she headed to the bank of elevators on the other side of the building. The office was buzzing with talk of Arnold Powers retirement, wondering what he would do as he rode off into the sunset for the twilight of his life.

Reaching the elevators, Sarah pushed the button and the door opened. She pressed the button for 34 and the doors closed.

Moments later, the doors opened, and she emerged onto the 34th floor. The 34th floor was split between offices and meeting rooms. Sarah made her way past floor-to-ceiling windows looking into the rooms with opulent desks, chairs worth more than her yearly salary, 8k tv screens and paintings by Vermeer and Van Gogh and other artists starting with ‘V’.

She always marvelled at the extravagance of these rooms. The attempts at impressing and intimidating clients. To smother them with their covert power and riches. And these were just the meeting rooms, what did the 35th floor look like?

Probably made of gold and jewels to go along with the orgies and sacrificing virgins, she thought.

She did half a lap around the floor until she reached the bank of offices. Andrew’s office was the first one and she knocked and pushed the heavy glass door open.

Andrew looked up from his computer and smiled, “Hi Sarah,” he said in his smooth, middle-aged voice laced with wisdom and whiskey.

“Good afternoon, Mr Fox. I just wanted to bring you this,” she said, holding up the envelope.

Andrew’s eyes lit up. “It arrived!”

Sarah nodded and crossed the space to his desk and handed it to him. As always, she checked his hand for a ring and, as always, found none. 

The fire still burned.

“I was hoping they’d arrive before today.” He looked at Sarah and noticed her inquisitive look. “They’re tickets to Twenty One Pilots.”

Sarah brightened, “You’re a fan of Twenty One Pilots?”

Andrew nodded, “I’m taking my partner.”

The fire didn’t just extinguish, it was smothered by a waterfall.

“Oh, your partner…” Sarah choked out.

The office fell into an awkward, heavy silence and Sarah wanted to say something to make it better. So she didn’t leave with the stench of disappointment, of another failed attempt at landing a man hanging between them. 

God I hope Arnold Powers is actually single.

“Did you hear Arnold Powers is leaving?” she said, breaking the silence.

Andrew nodded, “Yeah. I got the email. 30 years. Good effort, isn’t it?”

Sarah nodded, “Sure is. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the concert. If I don’t speak to you beforehand, I hope you have a good weekend.”

“You too, Sarah,” Andrew said with a warm smile, and it was all Sarah could do to get her wobbly legs out of the office.

Andrew picked up the two tickets and stared at them, the smile on his face growing as the promise of a night out sent a thrill through him.

Getting to his feet, he left his office with envelope in hand, and headed down to the last one. The nameplate on the door said ‘Hamish Watson, Corporate Services Manager’ which meant he was the head of IT. Knocking once, Andrew pushed the door open and entered.

The office was all window and on the left side he could see a bank of desks where the IT Support guys worked. They had their backs to them, their headsets on and heads down, working furiously to fix every IT-related issue, big or small.

“Hey,” Andrew said.

“Hey, what’s up?” Hamish greeted.

“Are you going to the Arnold Powers thing?”

Hamish nodded, “Yeah. Finally get to see Valhalla,” he said, looking up at the roof.

Andrew crossed to the desk and handed Hamish the envelope, “I got something for you,” he said coyly.

“What is this?” Hamish asked, taking the envelope and opening it. He pulled out the two tickets, read them, and gasped. “Oh my god, you didn’t!”

Andrew nodded, his smile widening, “I did.”

“Oh you are naughty Andrew Fox,” Hamish said slyly, “Very naughty.”

Hamish stood up, looked around to make sure no one was looking, and gave Andrew a quick peck on the cheek.

“Careful,” Andrew whispered, his desire warring with the logical mind, “We agreed no one can know about us. Not yet anyway.”

“I know,” Hamish sighed, sitting back on his seat. “But I can’t help it. I just see you and want to…” he sucked his teeth, “do naughty things to you.”

“I know babe,” Andrew said. “I know. Come over tonight, ok?”

Hamish nodded and watched Andrew leave his office. His mind was on the potential of tonight, and he couldn’t focus on his work.

An alert popped up on his calendar. 

2:30pm. It was time for the retirement gathering.

Feeling excited at seeing Andrew tonight and also the 35th floor, Hamish left his office and said to his two IT techs, “Alright, I’m heading up. Who won the coin toss?”

“Rachel,” Simon groaned.

Rachel gave Simon a shove and Hamish a youthful grin. She had just started and already got to see the 35th floor. Hamish had worked here for 8 years, and this would be his first time.

“Ready then?”

Rachel nodded and together they headed for the elevators.

“Have fun,” Simon called, his voice laced with sarcasm.

The line for the elevators was long so they decided to take the stairs where they joined a long line of other curious employees wanting their chance to enter Valhalla.

Hamish felt his excitement grow with each ascending step and wondered if this is what getting into heaven was like. They reached the landing, and the fire door was open, white light glowing like the gates of heaven.

Everyone who passed through seemed like they disappeared into the light and when it was finally his turn, he stepped across the threshold.

He expected to see bright blue skies, white clouds, golden gates, water fountains and St Peter guiding people to where they needed to go.

Instead he saw the 33rd and 34th floor. The same polish floorboards, the same floor-to-ceiling windows, paintings by famous painters, desks and chairs, offices and meeting rooms.

It was all so… mundane.

“Well this is disappointing,” Hamish said.

They followed the crowd into a large open space where banners hung from the roof saying, ‘Thank you and Good Luck Arnold Powers’ and ‘Happy Retirement’, and a long table set against the right wall was laden with cakes and sweets.

A stage was set up where Felicity Boyle stood before a microphone.

The space filled up with employees and the room was filled with the murmuring of conversation. 

Hamish took a spot next to Jessie Harwood from HR. “So this is the 35th,” he said to her.

Jessie nodded, “Not what I expected to be honest.”

“Yep. Very much same-same.” Hamish didn’t know her very well. She’d only been with the company for only a year. 

The murmuring of conversation was broken up by the tapping of the microphone and Felicity Boyle, CEO of the company, cleared her throat.

Jessie had her phone out, recorder on so she could note down what was said for the employee newsletter. The one she proposed as an idea when she first started to keep employees informed. The one she spearheaded. The one she knew no one read. The one she stubbornly wouldn’t let go when it was obvious no one, including her boss, cared if it existed or not.

She also wanted to get a photo of Arnold Powers for the newsletter. Maybe that would get people interested.

She turned to Hamish to say something, but he was talking quietly to Andrew Fox.

“Thank you all for coming to celebrate Arnold Powers 30 wonderful years. Arnold has been a mainstay with us, and we appreciate all his efforts and hard work. Now…” Felicity paused. Jessie knew she was adlibbing, and her eyes shifted uncomfortably.

She didn't know what to say, Jessie realised. After 30 years of screwing other companies over and earning them billions couldn’t get even a half heartfelt from the CEO.

What would I get? A $10 voucher to Wendy’s?

Felicity Boyle continued, “Now, I won’t go through all your accolades,” she emphasised the word all as if the list was as long as a child's list to Santa. “Not when there is so much delicious food waiting but suffice to say that without your dedication and effort we wouldn’t be where we are today.

“Now, please join me in inviting Arnold Powers up for one final goodbye.”

Felicity clapped and stepped back, and the room broke out into a smattering of applause. Jessie leaned forward and realised the rest of the room had as well. The applause died down quickly and it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room as everyone waited, watching as a tall gentleman approached the podium.

Arnold Powers.

Jessie realised she’d never seen him around the office before. He had slightly greying dark hair, bright eyes crinkled in the corners. He wore a charcoal suit with a black shirt and dark blue tie. He exuded power and commanded attention.

He’s younger than I thought he would be. He must have started in his 20s.

Arnold Powers gave a wave, and spoke with a strong voice, like the voice of every father, “Thanks you, Ms B-” he paused, “Boyle. I can’t thank you enough for all the support I’ve received over the years. 

“Working here has been a pleasure, a dream, and with that comes the following…”

Jessie zoned out as Arnold Powers talked about accomplishments and what he will miss the most about working here. She turned to Hamish and said, “Can you please organise cancellation of his accounts as soon as his speech has finished?”

Hamish nodded and pulled out his phone.

“...And finally, to all the friends I’ve made, thank you. Thank you for all your companionship, and after work drinks, and late-night texts. It means more to me than you could ever know.”

Arnold Powers gave one final wave and Felicity Boyle stepped back to the microphone. This was the moment everyone was waiting for. The golden parachute. The rumoured million-dollar payout for all his hard work.

Hamish felt the room tense as Felicity said, “Thank you for that beautiful speech, Arnold. I’m sorry we never got a chance to work much together. In fact, I don’t really recognise you…,” she said with a laugh.

Some people broke out in an awkward laugh while others, Hamish could feel their awkwardness at such a comment.

“...but that’s because you were hard at work, no doubt. And for that hard work, and as a token of our appreciation, I would like to give you this parting gift.”

She handed him a small check and from the front people were whispering. The whispers flowed back like a wave until it hit Hamish and he heard ‘5 million dollars!’

Son of a lucky bitch, Hamish thought bitterly. On his phone he typed out a quick message to Simon: Can you deactivate Arnold Powers account as per usual IT policy.

Sure can, came the quick reply.

Arnold Powers accepted the check and shook Felicity Boyles hand.

With a final wave, he left the podium and made his way through the crowd, people parting before him like the Red Sea.

Hamish’s phone pinged. It was Simon.

S: Ahh…boss. There’s no Arnold Powers in the system.

H: What? Say again?

S: I checked AD, there is no Arnold Powers.

H: He should be under apowers.

S: I know. I checked apowers, arnold.powers and all other variations I could think of. I checked disabled users in case he was already deactivated. But no. He’s not there. He never had an account.

Hamish frowned, “That’s not right,” he said.

“Something wrong?” Andrew asked.

“Surely not…” Hamish murmured, then turned to Jessie. “Can you access the HR system right now?”

Jessie nodded, “Yeah, it’s all in the cloud.”

“Look up Arnold Powers please.”

“Why?”

“Checking something.” 

Jessie opened her phone and logged in. She opened up the users tab and typed in ‘Arnold’.

No results.

She tried ‘Powers’.

No results.

She tried ‘APowers’.

No result.

She tried searching under terminated employees but returned no results.

“That’s impossible,” she said.

“Right?” Hamish said.

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asked.

“Arnold Powers isn’t in the system. He was never in the system,” Jessie said.

“What do you mean?” Andrew said, confused.

“I mean, we just gave 5 million dollars to a guy who never worked here.”