The Month That Changed My Life

Friday night, Saturday and Sunday as well as every evening we drank. Friday after work, we stopped at the liquor store and stocked up for the weekend. Back then beer was still packaged in bottles by the twenty-four bottle case and we always bought a case. My husband bought a gallon of whisky and I usually chose a fifth of brandy and a fifth of vodka. Not that I especially liked vodka but no one could smell it on your breath so I could drink it and hide that I was drinking. By the time we went to bed on Sunday night there wasn’t a drop in the house. Of course, that doesn’t count the drinks we had from convenience stores, bars and other people’s houses.

This had been going on most of our married life but lately our marriage consisted of two drunks arguing most of the time. We had no problem holding down jobs for some reason but we seemed to be throwing away almost twenty years of marriage. I even was able to hold office as secretary of our neighborhood homeowners association thanks to my trusty little tape recorder. All I had to do was tape the meetings then transcribe the tape on a day I wasn’t so drunk or hung over and I could replay the tape until I had everything just the way it happened even with a pounding headache. Our never drinking until after dinner changed to drinking before and with dinner then a beer or two with lunch was fine until now we started drinking before ten in the morning for a little of “the hair of the dog” cure for our hangovers. His boss owned the company her worked for and always provided beer after work. He saw no problem with the guys drinking beer with lunch either. If fact, he always joined them. 

More and more I woke up on Sunday or Monday morning with a huge hang over and had no idea where we went or who we saw the night before. Some of our friends talked about something that had occurred at their house where we had partied the night before but neither of us had any idea what they were talking about even if it was about me getting sick and throwing up or him spilling his drink all over someone. Then there was the Saturday morning a woman stopped us on the street and said something about having a great time at their house the night before but we had no idea who she was and did not remember ever being at her house but we chalked it up to her having mistaken us for someone else. 

When the doctor put me on amphetamines to lose weight and my weight did not go down he asked me if I drank. My answer was “only socially” and he believed me. Though the drug didn’t make me lose weight it did make me see things through rose-colored glasses except for the jitters. I was already taking tranquilizers for high blood pressure that added to my laid back outlook. I stayed mellow as long as I had a drink in my hand. It’s a miracle I’m still alive.

My husband had been doing so work on the side with a local realtor/contractor. He helped build houses on weekends and installed the air conditioning systems for the houses. At that time you did not have to have a license to do air conditioning work as long as it passed inspection. He offered to build a house for us instead of paying for my husband’s work. We talked it over and decided it was a good deal. Now instead of being paid for all the hours he worked evenings and weekends, we were receiving credits toward our house. I helped install the air condition system, paint the walls, lay the tile and clean up after the other contractors with the understanding the credit for my work would be added to his. We picked out wall covering for the kitchen and installed it. He helped set trusses, do roofing, stud out the walls then help hang drywall, laid all the tile, helped hang windows, we furnished the air conditioning system we put in, so by the time it was ready to move into, we had invested the total of a down payment with enough left over to pay for the first six months payments. My husband continued to work on other projects earning more and more credits to pay for our house. With the savings on the house payments we were able to furnish our house. 

We loved having our own home but it was not a happy one. I did not drive and we were several miles outside of town with no public transportation so I could not hold a job. He worked and partied with his boss or worked for more credits on the house so barely came home for dinner then finished his beer and went to bed while I stayed up watching television and drinking. I woke him to go to work each morning and went back to bed as soon as he left. My days are a blur if I remember anything at all. I do remember money was a huge problem and our phone had been shut off for nonpayment. We barely had enough to keep the electric on and buy groceries.

Then the night that changed our lives arrived. It was a Friday in February and we went bar hopping as usual. I vaguely remember being in one of our favorite bars and an argument heating up hotter and hotter. I have no idea what we were arguing about but it did not stop even on the way home. When we were both through the door he said he had enough and was going to bed. Through the alcohol fog I remember thinking, “Well I’ll show him.” So told him to go on to bed. I stayed up watching television and drinking until I could barely stagger to the bedroom.

I expected him to be sound asleep so went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. As I got into bed, I heard a sound from him. I sounded like he was crying. I asked what was wrong only to hear words that shocked me sober real quick. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t go one this way. I’m going to kill myself.”

When I could gather my thoughts, I asked him why. His answer was that he couldn’t go on with the constant arguing and dodging bill collectors. He no longer thought I loved him. I couldn’t love him and keep fighting the way we did. I assured him I still loved him but I wasn’t sure he loved me for the same reasons. We talked for a long time about how we did nothing but drink now and how our marriage as well as our lives were falling apart at the seams. I still have no idea where the thought came from but Alcoholics Anonymous suddenly came to my mind. We agreed to call them as soon as we could get to a pay phone later that morning then finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When we awoke, we did not even eat breakfast before going to the nearest pay phone. I looked up the number in the phone book and called it right away. I told them what happened earlier this morning and that we needed to talk with someone about our drinking. Deep down I was actually thinking about his drinking and I was just going along so he would get sober. They took our address and told us to go back home. Someone would be there in a few hours. They instructed us not to drink in the meantime and to throw away anything containing alcohol but that was easy. We had nothing left to drink.

Within the time period given us, two men showed up at the door. Both were named Bill. In AA everyone goes by their first name only so I never knew their last names. We referred to them as the Two Bills. They asked us some questions and told us about the program. We must have talked for hours then they invited us to attend a meeting that night but only with the condition we did not drink anything with alcohol in it before the meeting. They gave us the Big Book, the 24 Hour Book and some literature. We agreed then they left.

Neither of us knew what to do with ourselves that day. Withdrawal had not set in yet but it was not normal without having a can of beer at our fingertips. We were both restless but with almost no sleep last night we had no energy so we decided to take a nap until time to get ready to go to the meeting. His wonderful mom lived with us and woke us when dinner was ready. All through the meeting with the Two Bills she never said a word. At dinner she told us she was happy we had decided to quit drinking because she had seen what it was doing to us. She would support us all the way in getting rid of our drinking.

Nervously we entered the 24 Hour Club for the first time. The meeting room was almost filed but we found a couple of chairs in the back corner. We were offered coffee and cookies. Then the meeting began. This was an open meeting where those who had some sobriety under their belts volunteered to tell their stories as a lesson to other alcoholics. We heard stories that made our lives seem tame but at the same time we could identify with some of it. When the speakers were finished we started to leave but some of the attendees stopped us to tell us welcome and they hoped to see us more often. They gave us a schedule of all the meetings and invited us to attend our first closed meeting on Monday. They said it was named the 24 Hour Club because it was available to recovering alcoholics twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. If we felt the need for help that was the place to come. No one pushed the program on us or made us feel bad because we were there. Like the Two Bills, they offered help. Several told us to be sure to call the AA number before we took a drink and someone would be there for us to talk to. We left feeling their warmth but also feeling scared wondering if we could actually stop drinking. 

We went to the closed meeting on Monday and admitted we were alcoholics for the first time. I said it but I did not mean it. I was just there going through the motions to get him sober. Then he joined a closed men’s meeting and I joined a closed women’s meeting. I went through the motions and said all the right things but I was lying every time. We practically lived at the Club now. The urge to drink was stronger than we were so when we felt the weakness winning we went to the Club. We went every Saturday night and even convinced a friend we knew had a drinking problem to come with us. Unfortunately he admitted he had a drinking problem but wasn’t ready to quit. He later ended up in prison and we never heard from him again.

About three weeks into the program, I was sitting in the women’s meeting listening to others tell their stories and thinking, “Will this never end?” when one of the women said something that penetrated my mind. I really began listening and realized she was telling my life story. She had been raised in an alcoholic home. So was I. She had started drinking really young. So had I. The more she told us, the more it paralleled my life. When it became my turn to speak I truthfully admitted I was an alcoholic and shared my story for real. From that day forward my life changed. I no longer went to AA for my husband, I went for me. I did not say the program, I lived it. We ate, slept and lived the program at home to the extent my mother-in-law joined Al-Anon. 

Soon after we joined AA, we received a notice that we were being evicted. The man who promised all those credits for all the work and equipment we furnished went to court for not making payments on the house. According to our records we still had two or three months credit on the books but he lied in court and said we had failed to make a down payment or any house payments for the time we lived in the house so he was repossessing it. We had gotten nothing in writing so he got the house and we had nowhere to live. Later he tried it on someone else and they took him to court so he lost his real estate and contractor’s licenses. We were lucky to have friends that rented us their guest cottage until we could find somewhere else to live. Even better neither of wanted to take a drink. 

The program worked as long as we worked it. That month changed me to the extent I was keeping sober but something was missing. I stumbled across a program called Women For Sobriety so I sent for their literature. When I read the pamphlet and other papers I realized what was missing. I had no self-confidence. I was raised as an only child. I married when I was seventeen so relied on my husband just as I had with my parents. I had never really stood on my own two feet. Their program for sobriety was good but my AA was stronger. I used their program to find my own two feet and have confidence in myself. I was thirty-seven when I found sobriety but I was still a child leaning on others. 

Eight years ago my husband was diagnosed with dementia and I was suddenly faced with no one to lean on. Without the AA program and the confidence I gained from Women For Sobriety, I would not have made it through. I would not have stayed sober or had the tools to rely on me alone. I received my forty-two year sobriety chip on February 11, 2019. The last three years of his life would not only have destroyed him, it would have destroyed me. I lost him on November 29, 2019 finding myself with no family or friends so being completely alone. I lost my emotional support dog that had been here to love me every day I came home in tears, which was almost every day, four months later. Then came COVID isolation bringing loneliness and depression. I started thinking it would be better to be drunk than to face the isolation sober. But every time those thoughts came, my AA kicked in and stopped me. When I thought I could not go on alone my Women For Sobriety told me I could. I now have forty-three years sobriety which shows how one month can change your life.