Silences by the Red Oak

Dusk settled over the valley, after a long and sticky afternoon. It was the firefly season and that time when the humidity of the afternoon can feel unbearable. 

Dinner was being prepared, after a bounty of heirloom tomatoes had been harvested in the nearby vegetable sanctuary. Watermelons had been served for tea break in-between the hottest working hours of the afternoon, and the lake had been a welcome respite for sweaty, muddy bodies when the working day had ended. 

Josh made his way from the lake to the terracotta house on the edge of the forest; hair still wet from the swim. As he climbed the familiar stone stairs up to the side entrance, a feeling of well-being washed over him as a cooling breeze lightly danced over him. 

The door was open as usual, and Josh made his way into Jibril’s room. Friendly smiles and a brief check-in about both their days. His partner had been deep in journaling. 

 “Shall we go for a walk?” Josh suggested. Jibril paused for a moment, surveyed his journal and, looking up to Josh, he nodded. The pair made their way out the side door, down the other adjacent stone steps which led to the gap in the fence by the large hedge and into the field beyond. The cows were not there at this time and the evening glow lit up the grasses which carpeted the field. The pair walked mostly in silence until they had climbed the hill leading to the red oak tree. They sat, leaning against the trunk of the tree and surveyed their kingdom. “I have been thinking about what you said the other night,” began Josh. Silence. “I wanted to thank you because, well, in all honesty I… I have never had someone show so much... so much care for me in the way you did.” They locked eyes for a moment in the silence and his partner’s lips moved into the slightest of smiles. For a good minute they stayed looking into each other’s eyes. “This is heaven” sighed Josh, slightly dismayed at the non-response but also leaning into the knowledge that silence speaks. Jibril was silent and turned away, biting his lip and looking out at the tree line. 

 “Earlier today, after lunch, I went to bed and had this strange dream” he began.

“I was back home in Lebanon and making out with this girl from my school. It reminded me of the last time I went back and there was this girl who caught my attention, but her sister was friends with my sister, and it felt kinda weird but anyway, in the dream it was not the same girl but it reminded me of her” Another breeze washed over the two as the bell could be heard for dinner.

“How did the dream make you feel?” Asked Josh, his full attention on his partner. There was a pause and his partner gazed at the ground. 

 “I dunno” he responded. Josh readjusted his position so that he was now leaning back onto his partners chest. That familiar smell from Jibril’s perfume tingled through him as he closed his eyes and felt his partners heart beating. “You still been thinking of going back there this winter?” Josh almost muttered with his eyes half closed.
“Umm… maybe. I dunno” replied his partner shifting his position a little. “Can we go back now, please?” Coming back to his senses, Josh turned around to face his partner. He wanted to lean in for a kiss, but Jibril just stared blankly at him. They both got up and began to walk back. Josh noticed that his partner was walking faster than usual ahead of him and he stayed back, leaving space and thinking over the last few weeks. When Josh had met Jibril, it had been a pretty instant recognition of some kind of deep connection. Josh had held back his interest as Jibril was six years younger and had seemed flirty with one of the girls who had also been at the bonfire where they had first met. Although Jibril was Lebanese, his father owned a multi-billion-dollar company in the city, and he had spent most of his life here in America. As the two approached Jibril’s house, Josh skipped to join Jibril as they entered the house. As they approached the doorway, Jibril stood in the doorway facing Josh. They stared at each other for a moment and suddenly Josh felt icy daggers coming from Jibril. “I know something is up,” began Josh. “Can I, can I please come in and get my jacket?”
Jibril disappeared into the room, reappeared with the jacket, and handed it over to Josh. “Leave now” said Jibril with a coldness so cruel that it felt like a punch in the stomach. Gathering himself together, Josh breathed a deep breath and felt a wash of relief begin to alleviate the pain in his stomach. He was beginning to feel shaky. “This… this right here is why I’m here. We need to be able to process some of these feelings together and move through—”

“Get out of my house!” Jibril practically yelled. A thousand more icy daggers flying. The door had slammed, and the force from the slam stunned Josh. This had never happened in the brief two weeks of bliss they had spent together. The exit ahead was clear. Josh was practically shaking. As he made his way down the hall, shellshocked, the neighbor from Lilac house came towards him with her bubbly, joyous face, knee length hair and her long floral dress. Both her hair and dress billowed behind her as she walked softly with her bare feet on the newly varnished floor. 

  “Are you going to come with us to the ballroom tonight for the dance?” She smiled, totally not reading where Josh was at. Somehow, her sunny kindness stirred something in him that made him feel nauseas and so all he could do in that moment was to run out, down the stone steps, holding back tears but, just before he had ran, he began, “I’m sorry I—- I must…”