The Kiss.

Todays the day. I have to do it. I promised myself that I would. I slowly breathed out knowing that I had to do the hardest thing ever. I rolled over in my bed and looked at my phone. Nothing new, no one texted besides David. It was from last night before I fell asleep on him once again. It doesn’t matter anymore its all about to change today.

“ Haha that’s actually funny” 

“Elizabeth? Did you fall asleep again?” 

“ Oh, my lordly lou you did! Well, I love you, let me know when you wake up” I read the texts slowly just to make sure I was reading them right. I reread it about 15 times before I texted back 

“ lol yea, classic me falling asleep. Also, I think we should talk. Meet me later?” I rolled over in bed pushing my face into a pillow and silently yelling. I never thought this day would come, I don't want to do this. So I call Alyssa so she can hopefully talk me out of it. I tap her name and its ringing and ringing. I whisper to myself  “ she better answer its like 11.” 

“ Hello?” she said, she must have been drinking last night she sounded hungover. 

“ Hey, did I wake you up” 

“ Of course you did, you always wake me up” she laughed as she said it. 

“ well, I am guessing you went out partying last night” in my mean mom voice.

“ wow you caught me once again, so why did you call I know it wasn’t to give me a lector because you’ve given up on those” 

“ your right I did give up on those. But do you know what today is?” 

“ uhh, March 20th why?” she took a breath “ its the first day of spring isn’t it ?”  she knew where this was going to go, I knew this because her voice got lower and just a tad stressed. 

“ yea, it is. But how am I supposed to tell David? I mean I really love him, I do and what happened over winter break it didn’t mean anything.” the worry in my voice really came out. The tears in my eyes started to well up. 

“ Lizzy, take a breath” she blew in and blew out again, she knows when I get super stressed it gets hard for me to breathe. “ You need to tell him, he needs to know. He loves you back, you’re his world. He will forgive you.” 

I couldn’t breathe, tears flowing out of my eyes like a rainfall. “ I can’t, I just can’t what if he asks to break up? What if he says he can’t forgive me? What if Matt already told him and he wanted to see how long it would take me to fess up? So many things could go wrong I can’t.” 

“ Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, Calm down.” as her voice gets slower and slower. She waits a couple of seconds for me to catch my breath and calm down. “ Now listen, David loves you, more than anything, you know that right?”

A few seconds later I push out “ yea I do”. 

“ ok good, and you kissed Matt, it’s not like you slept with his best friend or anything. You were shitfaced. My fault I should say. You and David had just been in a fight where he said he was over it all, but didn’t call it off. It’s not like you were 100% sober and you guys were fine and dandy. No, it was a jumble night takes were made. You wouldn’t have even known that you kissed Matt if he hadn’t been a little shit and called you the next day.”  I was too busy fighting the tears to respond. “ Lizzy if you want I can come with you when you tell him, I know this is hard for you with everything that happened with Joseph.” Joseph, I almost forgot about him. Joe had cheated on me with my close friend and neither of them told me until I walked in on them sleeping together after he canceled plans because he was “sick”. He was my first love, that one left me broken for a long time. 

“ No this is nothing like that Sandra knew what she was doing and so did Joseph. They didn’t care about me and I don't care about them… anymore.” 

Alyssa sighed “ Sandra cared, she just didn’t want to be alone and she seemed to care. But she got her karma. 

“ wait what? What are you talking about?” I hadn’t talked to either of them since I told them I was done with both of them and didn’t want anything to do with them. 

“ You didn’t hear?” a moment later. “ Sandra and him broke up like 2 weeks ago and then he started sleeping with some senior and accidentally a video of them you know getting it on the same night they broke up ” 

My jaw dropped. “ Your kidding right? He sent Sand a video of him and some girl having sex the same night they broke up?” 

“ Oh hell yeah, I guess he meant to send it to the group chat he had with a bunch of guys but sent it to her. I mean she did post it on Instagram for a while but it got reported.” 

“ Your kidding, that’s messed up, how long were they dating? Almost a year right?” I said still in shock. 

“ 11 months. I mean karmas really a bitch” 

“ hell yeah she is, and a bad bitch too, but no I need to tell David by myself and I know it wasn’t my fault but still. I waited a long time to tell him” 

“ Yeah I mean you kinda did, but better sooner than later, but I have to go my sibling are fighting again.” she pulled away from the phone and yelled something at them “ but call me after and tell me what happened.” 

“ ok I will good-” she hung up before I could finish saying bye. I noticed all my laundry in the corner and deiced to wash it all. 

  About 2 hours later all my laundry is done and David and I  deiced to meet at our favorite Italian place on the main street for dinner then go down by the water and talk. I start was scared so what do I do when I get scared? I write and rewrite what I am going to say over and over again so I did. I wrote and rewrote what I was going to say over and over again about a hundred times. I looked up at the clock and it was about 3:30 and David was picking me up around 4:30. So I started getting ready. I had just gotten in the shower. Then my mom came in and asked if we could talk while I was showering and I said that was fine. 

“ Lizzy how are you today? “ she said.

Confused I said “ I am ok, just going to go have dinner with David and talk about a couple of things. If that is ok” 

“ of course it is. I just wanted to make sure because of what is this week and all” 

“ wait whats this week,” I said even more confused than before. 

“It’s you know. Almost a year since you and Joseph broke up and I just wanted to make sure you were ok and that you’re not going to make any irrational decisions with David or anything.” Wow, she not the only person to bring that up today. I thought “ no mom I am good with that, I’ve made my peace with that. I just told myself that I had to tell him something awhile back and today’s the day.” I took a breath trying to stay calm and not freak out. “ But I need to finish getting ready and get out of the shower but we can finish this conversation tomorrow.” I poked my head out and she looked at me with these big worried eyes. 

“ Ok, just don't do anything that you will regret ok.” I nodded my head as she left. I got out of the shower and got back into my room to find something to wear. I mean what do you even wear to tell your boyfriend that you kinda you know cheated on him, without really cheating on him. I sat on my bed and reread my recent “speech” that I wrote and then looked back at my clothes and decided on a purple shirt. His favorite color. I washed my face and put a thin amount of makeup on. I mean I was going to cry it off later, didn’t want to waste it if I was going to waste it anyway. Then I look and it almost 4:30, so I text him to let him know I am ready and ill meet him outside. I am waiting outside tapping my yellow vans, noticing that it doesn’t really match with the purple but I loved my yellow vans so I kept it anyway. I reached in my pocket to make sure my “speech” was still there and it was.  He pulled up shortly after, he only lived a couple of streets away so he was fast. I got in the car and he leaned in for a kiss but I hugged him instead. He knew right then that something was wrong but knew not to say anything. 

We made a small conversation in the car, trying to keep it as normal as possible without letting him know that I was right about to kill him with the worst news of his life. We pulled up and he looked at me and said “ I want to do something else. You want to go to a party for a little bit just see what’s going on and then I promise we can take that walk.” 

I looked over at him worried but I said “If that’s what you want to do I am always down for a party” He smiled and then kissed me and this time I didn’t pull away because I had come up with a new plan. I reached in my pocket making sure the note was still there. I pulled it out and took a quick look and then put it back. We pulled up and I had figured out the whole thing. I was going to get drunk once again and give him the paper. We walked in and that’s when I realized where we were. Matts house. I thought I was going to throw up, but I grabbed a shot and took it. David looked at me shocked. 

“ When was the last time you drank? I haven’t seen you drink in a long time” he said. 

I looked at him and said, “it been a while but why not, I am young live life right” and grabbed another shot. He looked at me as I took the shot and he smiled a weird smile. He probably thought he was gonna get lucky and ask me to crash at his house. Which is wrong, well maybe, depending on how he takes the note. 

About an hour passes of me drinking and drinking. I was finally drunk and all over David. I leaned “ Heyy cutiee I need to tell you something. ” I said with a slurry speech. 

David smiled and looked me in the eyes “ Yeah, and what is that” 

I pulled the note out of my hand and looked at it. It seemed as if I was sober just for a moment. But then I looked at him and tried to hand it to him but slipped and fell right on to, you guessed it, Matt. I looked at him while David was helping me back up. I was frozen and while I was just standing there David was already reading the note and I was trying to find Matt before David finished reading it but it was too late Matt was right there and David was angry not at me but at him. I was trying my best to stay on my feet and try to keep David away from Matt. I looked at David and said, “ Babe don’t hurt him it was my fault lets just leave and talk about it in the car.” 

I could see the angry in his eyes as he said “ no Elizabeth he took advantage of you, Matt doesn’t drink ever. His dads-” 

“ Stop don't say anything David” Matt interpreted David before he could finish saying anything. “ I didn’t realize you guys were still together she walked in crying that night and was drinking and drinking a lot. So I asked Alyssa what happened and she said that you guys broke up and she wanted to take the edge off. I am sorry I didn’t know until the next day when she said you guys were still together.” David started walking towards him and whispered something in his ear and then he came to me. He looked at me and said, “let’s go you can crash at my house and I’ll call your mom and make sure it’s ok.” I looked at him with tears in my eyes and grabbed his hand and let him walk me to the car. I got in the car and looked at him and he looked back at me. 

“ I am really sorry, I didn’t know when or even if I should tell you about this but I know that if it was you that I would want you to tell me. Even if it wasn’t that night I would have wanted you to tell me at some point.” Tears flowing down my face “ Please don't be mad. I can’t lose you too.” He looked at me and grabbed my face. 

“ I would never leave you. No matter what. I love you Lizzy and that wasn’t your fault and it would be the same thing if I were to do anything to you tonight. Honey, I see you trying your hardest to think about what you’re saying and stay wake, you just lay back and fall asleep I’ll carry you in when we get home. I’ll stop by your house and get your clothes and talk to your mom. Just try to take care of yourself.” Its moments like these that I knew he wasn’t like Joseph. I grabbed his hand that was on my face and just held it as I fell asleep. I woke up in Davids’s bed and in his sweatshirt. I couldn’t stop thinking if he put me in the sweatshirt or if it was me. I didn’t know where he was, but before I could think too much of it, he was standing at the doorway starring at me. 

“ How are you feeling honey?” he said 

“ I am ok, but can we talk about last night?” I looked him in the eyes. 

“ No, no, we were good. I am good. It wasn’t your fault. Just like I told you last night, I love you and nothing can change that.” he pointed to the bed asking without his words if he can come to sit next to you me. I nodded at him. He slowly walked up and sat next to me. I felt the tears coming and without even saying a word he grabbed me and just hugged me and I cried. And Cried and cried. He just held me and I knew at that moment that he loved me and loved me more than anything. I was his world and he was mine. There was nothing more that I wanted than to be right here in his arms.