Thank You For The Pain

Dear whoever's reading this: I know this looks long and boring, but please bear with me, because here is my life story and it is most definitely the last time I write about this, since time has come for letting go and for saying goodbye to everything I used to know.

Thanksgiving. I was never really familiar with that word, considering that people from my hometown don't celebrate it. It almost seemed kinda dumb, to be honest. I mean, a day that is strictly reserved to demonstrate how thankful you are for the things you have? Aren't we all taught since kids that we should always be thankful? Why would we need a day to celebrate and do what we should always do?

But, on second thought, we do have a day to celebrate the reborn of a so-called savior, so I guess that thanksgiving seems kind of decent.

I obviously don't mean to offend anyone who this letter gets to, since I know that I probably won't be open by the people I expect this to be opened by.

If it actually happens, it's kind of your fault, so you don't get to feel offended.

And in case it doesn't happen... sorry if you get offended, it's just that I've always had a tense relationship with religion and I'm not writing from my most happy place right now.

And on that note... actually I am in my happy place, physically speaking. I'm at home, with my family. My new family. My true family.

Yeah, that's right. I used to have a different one, but that is where religion comes in. Apparently my "family" couldn't choose me over their beloved religion. And I thought family was always the most important thing...

Actually, it is. It is and I have just now learned that. Back then, I didn't actually know what having a family meant. I thought it was just having these people who I shared blood, genes, and relatives with. Having people coming over in the holidays or the birthday parties who only appeared to give you a present or congratulate you and then disappeared for like another year.

But that is not what having a family means. What having a family really means is always having someone nearby who is willing to check on you or help you, if needed. Is always having someone to speak to. Always having someone who you know will have your back. Who will protect you or help you heal. Who will hold you while you cry (fun fact: I'm crying as I'm writing this and my family IS actually here. More proof that you weren't actually my family, I guess.) and who will laugh with you when you're happy or bring you some tea when you're stressed and just want to lay there and disappear. Unlike you, they wouldn't let me disappear...

Do you want to know what my actually family looks like? Of course, you don't. But, you know what? I don't care about what you do or don't want. Not anymore. This time is my turn to tell the story, and not only that, this time I'm also writing my own damn story, I'm not sticking to pleasing you all anymore. Or anyone else apart from me, for that matter.

For the first time, I am thankful. Thankful for getting the opportunity to have a place to call home and people to call family. Thankful for every single kid that comes in here just as hopeless as I was some time ago and that smiles when they see how amazing this place is. Thankful for every person here that helps me understand that things do get better and that I am truly not alone. Thankful for all those people who come here and finally feel like what they feel is valid, and that they're loved for once.

Maybe our lives aren't perfect right now. We may not share blood, genes or relatives. Maybe we don't know each other's names. Maybe we haven't even seen each other before. But every person is a story. And every story here is valuable and unique. Sure, maybe our stories have some similarities, maybe we share the same triggers or hate the same people. But still, we are not the same. And, as long as everyone is their own person, everyone is their own story. And that is what I'm thankful for.

And, want to know the best part? You don't get to take this away from me this time. No one does. That's the thing here, no one tries to steal, erase or manipulate your story. You are who you are, you went through what you went through and that's it. All people do here is listen and offer their support. A family has to be healthy, and that's why I don't consider you my family anymore.

If you're someone who felt called out in this, I'm surprised you read this. But don't worry, this is the last time you'll hear from me. I won't try to reach out again. So I guess this is goodbye. I'm sorry I ever met you.

If you're someone else, I'm sorry about this mess. But my life is a mess per se, so.

By the way, welcome to my life, I guess. Hope you understood what happened. If you even got to this part, that is.

And if you are wondering why am I so sure that this won't end up in any of my relatives' hands... read this letter again. Do you really think that after all that they would accept a letter from me? Because I honestly don't think so.

So: Dear whoever is reading this, you're probably not related to me and you probably don't even know me, but if you have read all this, you already have done more for me than the people I talked about in here, so thank you. Thank you for taking the time and for caring, even if it was only for a minute or two.