The Care and Feeding of Your Pet

“La-la, stop it, now!”

“What’s wrong?”

I laughed. “Oh, it’s just La-la. Every time I open my laptop to work, she plops right in the middle of it!”

“Well, she’s jealous for attention, that’s all. Just put her into the spare room, and close the door. You’ll have some peace to do your work, then.”

“Oh, I hate to do that.”

“Why? The spare room has plenty of light and windows. She does like looking out the windows.”

“ Yes, but she’d really love to actually go outside. “

“ You know we can‘t let La- la do that. It’s far too dangerous.”

“I know. I know. I wouldn’t let her out, but when the weather gets really warm, I kind of feel sorry for her. “

“Feel sorry for La-la? Are you kidding. She has the life!”

Just then, as if on cue, La-la jumped off the laptop. She decided to sit on one of the easy chairs, stretched out, and soon was fast asleep.

“They’re adorable when they’re sleeping, aren’t they?” I had to agree. As a child, my parents never allowed me to have a pet except for a fish, which I did love, but it was never quite the same. Now that I had a pet I really wanted, it didn’t bother me that she would interrupt my process at times. La-la was far too precious to me, both of us in fact, to mind that much, even where work was concerned.

Thinking of work made me realize I only had four more hours to submit my report. The boss was adamant that it be done on time. He could be a pain, but, in all honesty, I wouldn’t say that I blamed him. Workers were getting lazy of late. It happened every year at this time, with the warmer temperatures, and everyone wanting to go to the beach. I had to admit that I was one of those people. I sighed. I just would have to force myself to buckle down and get this report done. My partner would be working in another room, so that made it easier for me. I locked La- la in the spare room, as suggested, then got started. I opened my laptop to the information I had saved, with all the graphs and charts. I was glad I was finished with that part; I enjoyed straight- up writing far more than the technical stuff, although I realized the technical visual aids were important, too. My boss was impressed by bells and whistles; the more the better. He once gathered us all into the auditorium to deliver a presentation he had written himself, about concentrations of salinity in different bodies of water, and he used five charts and three graphs to explain something that really could have been done in one short paragraph. Anyway, I digress. I could hear La-la in the spare room, wanting to come out, but I ignored her. I was determined to get my work done without further ado- or interruptions. Let’s see, now, I said to myself. Oh, yes, here I am. Title of Paper: The Effect of Taking Human Pets Onto the Moon Europa:

One year ago, on a mission to the planet Earth, my partner Pynard and I adopted a human as a pet, which we determined through examination to be female, and named La- la. The choice of the name was merely whimsical. La- la screeched in her native tongue when we took her, but has since become acclimated. She enjoys sitting on different chairs and the sofa, and looking out the window. I’d like to let her out in good weather, but, of course, that would kill her, since the atmosphere on Earth is quite different than it is here.Of course, she wears a breathing device over her nose at all times, which simulates the atmosphere on Earth, but this does not work reliably outdoors. I think La-la is content enough, but I wish I could make her even happier. Perhaps when Pynard and I go on another mission to Earth next year, we could capture a second human to be a companion to La- la.

As far as intelligence is concerned. I really have nothing to compare her with. She makes quite a variety of noises, and sometimes water emerges from her eyes. Pynard and I can’t figure out why she does this, but it seems to do her no permanent damage. She seems to have a rudimentary understanding of our language, and even elementary mathematics, but doesn’t have a hope of comprehending the simplest mechanisms of black holes or time travel through myriad dimensions.

When La-la first got here, she lost a lot of weight, but Pynard and I finally were able to concoct a formula of local foods for her, and, in time, she gained weight and began to thrive. This is an encouraging sign, and I hope La-la can live in our environment for at least ten more years.

La-la likes to interrupt Pynard and me when we are at work. For instance, when I took out my laptop to write this report, she sat right in the center of it! She also interrupts Pynard in his duties. The other day, he was working on a new, improved time/ space machine for his company, Viandarex, and La- la was playing with his tools! (Actually, I blame Pynard, since he had left his tools all over the floor). She had to be locked up on that occasion as well, or I shudder to think what might have happened! I guess that means humans need quite a bit of attention. Pynard and I pet her often. She seems to especially like being lightly tickled under the chin.

As far as elimination is concerned, we give La-la her own person-litter filled with coarse sand, where she does her business. It is a little apart from her food and water bowls. Either Pynard or I change her litter box twice a week, and we also keep her food and water bowls clean.

Well, I’ll have to sign off for now. La-la is really yelling to be let out. I wonder if they’ll be water coming out of her eyes again? Somehow, I hate to see that happen, yet I don’t know why. Well, no matter. She’ll soon be free to once again stroll the living room. I’ll report again tomorrow if anything new occurs. Goodbye and good health till then!

Baltuna