Who is it?

The space, a vast network of stars, are constantly looming over us, looking as to see if we are doing everything we can. Once they go to bed the ever bright sun comes to take their day shift. I on the other hand, feel no use for either the moon or the stars, as the day just comes and goes and I just stay. Stay where I am weak and afraid. The tapping of the next victims’ head being smashed into the wall over and over again, only a brief reminder that I am indeed not alone.

I look again out of the vast space where the need for a roof arises, yet nothing has been done about it. I feel so empty inside without a purpose.

The people of the busy town square merely 5 km from where I’m captivated can be heard. It does not matter to me nor will it ever for I have tried over and over to get their reaction to save me, yet nothing have happen.

I hear a cough from the next cubicle of victims’.

The cold weather is near. I can sense it and hear it from the ever so present cough next cubicle.

I am lost merely a soul trapped in its own mind.

How did I end up here?

Was it my fault or were it merely like the constellations lined up after each other, my turn to die.

My breath smells terrible: like a new born puppy’s breath after it has fed. I don’t even bother looking at my own body, the cold sting of the weather only a reminder of how torn my clothes already are.

Mere days ago or so it seemed, I were happy , or as happy as any woman the age of 32 could be after finding out the news you have been promoted. That meant more money to upgrade my car, more money to attain the life I wish to attain, but that also meant that maybe I could adopt a child. The need for a child always yearned at me, but the doctor’s has deemed it impossible for me to conceive, due to my abuse and neglect as a child.

I always wondered how I would feel like to be able to hold your OWN baby for the first time and to love a child that is YOURS. The dream now felt more like a goal in my life. I felt as though I were getting closer to that goal that dream and then everything went south.

The memory of that day, I got the promotion and the happiness I have felt to be able to almost get what I really wanted in life, still brings tears to my eyes. Now as I think back to that day, that day must have also been when everything started: when everyone seemed to turn against me for getting the promotion, for leaving them on the lower level. 

As the days progressed and I got used to my new life living upper than the lower floor, I got excited to adopt the baby – my baby. I was having a conversation with my best friend Kate when the office gossip Malcolm overheard.

“Yes Kate I am going to adopt, yes I know but the baby will still technically be mine.”

“But Ruth, what if you met someone and the doctor said that he could try other methods.”

“Kate you know that isn’t possible for me.”

“Are you sure?”

News spread fast in the office off me going to adopt a baby and the guys only saw it fit to try their luck with me before as they say “I’m off the market”.

I blamed Kate for the nuisance of the situation and for neglecting me as a friend.

She knew how I felt about the situation yet she never stood up for me or even stayed at work late with me.

One evening when I were busy typing my last letter of Authority to a lawyer in Cape Town I heard strange noises. At first I thought it was just the girls of the office pulling my leg to get me to stop working, but I soon realised that it were indeed something else.

You see our offices income has decreased and I didn’t know about it, yet most people believed I had money because of the rumours that I wanted to adopt a baby.

That evening I were kidnapped by the one employee I thought would never hurt me.

Kate.

She sold me out, to men, to use for their own pleasure and then when she deemed it fit she would lock me up in this cubicle.

I cried days in and day out for merely according to my calculations a week. Then I just stopped crying.

I started getting depressed and soon my soul felt trapped inside its own shell.

You see I didn’t expect this from my only friend I thought she knew how I felt about the situation of having sex with any man. For I have been already abused as a child before, but she only saw the need for an opportunity to go up in the firm by making money from me and investing money into the firm.

I felt lost and out of sorts with my surroundings. I lived in a busy town yet no one cared where I have gone or so Kate would tell me. She told me everything what she does with the money and how it actually helped that I can’t get pregnant.

Then one day I heard someone call me by my name.

“Anne ….Anne where are you…”

At first I thought it was a trap a trap to lure me out, but then I thought I am already on my last so I might as well reply...”

‘Who is it?”

A familiar face unlocked my door and there stood Malcolm.

My face deterred in on itself and I started crying, crying for myself.

Crying for all the days I have sat here asking for help, crying for my only salvation now stood in the form as my enemy.

…

Weeks have passed Malcolm has stayed by my side the entire time going out occasionally to fetch me some water or food.

I have grown rather fond of him lately but once things gets too heated with us I tend to shy away from it.

My mind hasn’t wandered a lot more to adopting a baby as it used to instead it now wandered to my incapable self. Our firm has closed due to corruption and no one bothered to check on me anymore other than Malcolm of course...I have also learned that Malcolm wasn’t the one talking a lot of shit about everyone, but that it were indeed Kate all along. Kate were arrested along with all the other perverted men, yet I haven’t healed completely, I don’t think I will ever heal completely. With Malcolm by my side though I think things will get better, with time.

“Who is it” I call out just as someone knocks on the door.

"It’s Malcolm."

A smile creeps up on my face.It will absolutely get better.