First comes love...

"We are running out of TIME!"

Jazmine's father had never been a patient man, but I never thought I'd live to see him reach the end of his rope. And I never thought I'd be wearing a bright purple bridesmaid's dress while doing it.

"Is it his baby or not!?" he shouted.

"It is! It is!" Jazmine was in hysterics; The wedding dress they'd had to alter five times in the last week to accommodate her rapidly growing stomach was straining to contain her in all her vastly pregnant glory. 

"Honey I am a gynecologist, PLEASE don't lie to me. You met this man a month ago, there is no way this" he gestured to her stomach, "is his." There was silence. I could hear the first few notes of 'here comes the bride' start up outside. Jasmine rolled her eyes. "Fine. It's not his." "Well who's is it!?" Her mother screeched.

Ah, so that's where Jasmine got her vocals.

"I don't KNOW." Jasmine turned to each of them. "It happened in Bora Bora-" "Bora Bora!?"

"Bora Bora!" She screwed up her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple. "It was in Bora Bora, and my friends and I, well I had just met them but they were very friendly and one of them, oh she's a drummer and she's just so-"

"Jasmine THE BABY." Her father sounded like he was going to pass out. I don't know why he was even listening to another one of Jasmine's fantastical tales- I stopped years ago.

"Right! So we all got together on the beach one night and they offered me this PIPE!" She paused, but no one stopped her or seemed surprised in the least. "And daddy you KNOW I NEVER do ANYTHING like this, but I took it and it tasted like, like burnt tires! But then it tasted like lavender, and ROSES-"

"JASMINE." Her dad stopped her. Outside the music started up again.

"Jasmine." He was keeping his words steady, hands pressed together like a lawyer begging their client to plead guilty so they could all go home.

 "I'm going to ask you one more time. Who's. Baby. Is. It?" 

Jasmine went quiet. She clutched her bouquet in one hand and twisted her ring with the other. She looked at the floor. She muttered softly.

"Speak UP Jasmine for god's sake we don't have TIME-"

"IT'S AN ALIEN PRINCE'S BABY." 

Silence. 

I. Will. Not. Laugh, I silently promised myself. I gripped my own flowers, trying to hold back the absolute hysterics that were bubbling inside me, but it didn't do me any favors when I saw Jasmine's mother. Her jaw had dropped so hard I was sure there was lipstick on the carpet.

 I think a snort escaped.  

Jasmine's dad just stared at her. the poor guy was about to either pass out or blow an artery. Neither of them had probably heard her scream before, let alone about something this loony.

Lucky bastards. 

Finally her dad found his voice. "Jasmine this is serious..." "I'm being serious! Why does no one believe me!? He came to me in Bora Bora and he said I was the perfect queen!" She growled and threw her bouquet to the ground, ripping her dress sleeves. "Oh now look!" Her mother scolded her. 

The music was still going, but, catching on, the orchestra had started playing what I think was the intro to Jurassic Park. 

Huh. Fitting.

Like a good bridesmaid I stuck my head through the double doors and gave an apologetic smile. "Just nerves! She'll be out in a minute!" 

The wedding planner looked like she wanted to murder me. That's fine, I thought, because I would only be caught dead in this outfit again. 

Ducking back inside, Jasmine was loosing her last marble.

"Why doesn't anyone believe me!? I'm being serious!"

She started to cry, and her mascara was NOT waterproof. Her mother and I exchanged glances that clearly said "Why didn't we plan for a meltdown?" While her dad held his head in his hands. 

"If you didn't want to marry Reginald why didn't you just SAY that and save all of us the trouble!?" 

That stopped the waterworks. It was like a switch had been flipped; her back straightened and a dreamy smile plastered itself across her bright red lips. "No... I want to marry him, Daddy!" Her dad beamed at her, he was pleased, if not a little confused. "If I don't, who's body will my prince inhabit?" she continued under her breath, but I think he pretended not to hear her. Next thing I know I'm being hustled out the door by a small well dressed woman, the layers of my dress nearly swallowing her. "Did you not hear what she just said? We have to get her some help!" I protest as I'm pushed up the aisle. Her mother shakes her head.

"Nope. Sooner she gets married, the sooner she's out of my house. She can marry Bigfoot for all I care." She took her seat and when I got to the altar she mimed I should smile bigger. I felt I was baring my teeth at the groom. He's actually a very nice man, if a little boring, and I felt bad for him. Someone should tell him what, sorry, WHO, he's signed up to marry. 

For the third time the wedding march played and finally Jasmine came through the doors. Despite everything, she did look beautiful. You could barely see the mascara trails down her cheeks, which where only slightly blotched from her latest hormone-induced-hysterics. 

She was walking down the aisle when all hell broke loose. 

At first I thought she had tripped on her dress, the way she collapsed on the red velvet carpet. Her dad hurried to help her up, but jumped back. I would guess it had to do with the smell of rotten eggs coming from his daughter, or maybe it was the bright red splotch that had appeared on the front of her dress. She was screaming in pain, fighting to get back to her feet, clawing at anyone and anything close. "I told you!!" She screamed, purple slime oozed down her legs. "The baby's coming! We're out of time!"

I think that was when Reginald passed out; I hate to admit was jealous of him at that moment. 

I didn't know what to do, so I did what Jazmine had been training me to do for weeks now; I ran to her aide. "Breathe!! You have to keep breathing!" I screamed at her to be heard over the cries of the wedding guests abandoning ship as fast as they could. "It's going to kill me!"

"Oh my god it's horrible!" Her mother, bless her heart, was trying to help her daughter, but every time she got close her pre-wedding appetizers made a reappearance and she had to retreat.

There was one time when we were in college, that Jasmine made me stick UTI medication up...there...because she was too afraid to touch it after a particularly rowdy night with Delta Delta Pi. It was then and there I decided I would never look down in the locker rooms again. How I wish I could unsee what was in front of me now. 

Purple ooze and blood mixed into a slimy brown that spurted over me while I crouched between Jasmine's legs. Whatever this thing was, it was huge and it was coming out one way or another. 

"Push, Jasmine! You can do this!" "I can't do it!" She screamed, her face pale with fear and exhaustion. "You have to! Think of your alien prince! Think of your parents!" But she cried and thrashed her head around, moaning and groaning. Then I tried the one thing I could think of. "Jasmine! Think of Sandra Jones!" 

That did it. At the thought of the girl who had stolen her favorite pair of heels, Jasmine roared to life- She pushed so hard that the....baby...flew out and smacked into me like a comet. All I remember seeing was huge green eyes, purple scales and a tail.

It was the tail that pushed me over the line. 

And THAT'S when I passed out.