OUR SHORT STORY

A doctor took off the brain tumor x-ray image from the screen. What a reaction he got, only a sigh from the doctor who has treated him for years.

“Worsen.” The only word the doctor said.

“You should not postpone your surgery. I should have just forced you before.” This time, the doctor looked into his face with regret for the past.

“But, - man, is this the only way? I don’t want to live ‘here’ anymore. Don’t you get it?” He can only complain about his worsening condition as he has been kept warded for months. He was in despair. But, what is more hope other than that? He knew by himself. He was cleared with it.

“I know. I know, Dave. But, this surgery will give you more hope –”

“You ARE my friend. And all I want is just for you to be healthy like you used to. You should never put it aside again.” The doctor tried to coax him. As a doctor, he knew this is his responsibility to care for his patient until they are in good shape again. But as a friend, he is also in despair to make sure his friend’s wellness.

“And then, what? It is not sure if it can be cured. And it is not sure if I can make it. That’s what you’ve been telling me, doesn’t it?” He guessed his friend again for what he has been told. The doctor, who is also his friend, used to say, right after surgery, the worst thing he might end-ups is in a coma state.

Those conversations he had with his doctor still wondering in his cramped mind. He was in despair and the only thing he can think of was suicide. It was at night, in light rain when he was on the hospital rooftop, standing at the edge of the chest-level wall, with both arms wide open, only thinking of suicide. Those drizzle running down his face, looking down with his eyes for no longer hope for life, thinking again, is this the right decision he should take. He kept on feeling sorry and embarrassed for himself for being such a coward and weak. Knowing we are dying and have not much time left definitely disturbing. That was when he thought by himself to enjoy his last breathe while he still has.

He stepped down from the wall, slowly reaching the rooftop ground. Upon reaching, he stormed inside as he did not wish for suicide anymore. He ran until he was right in front of his doctor’s room only to plead for him to give time and permission to be discharged for that time. His doctor allowed it but under certain conditions where he should mind his health first.

The night after, he flew to a camp where people from a country at war seek refuge. He went with a group of volunteers in need of a non-government organization. Upon their arrival after almost 24 hours on a flight, they were welcomed with thin, small but energized children running around happily despite their hunger and sickness. He was appointed with a group of people where most of them, are youth, were said undergoing psychological treatment to help build their resilience.

There was a day when they had a conversation to share any wistful and hilarious memories they ever had. Laugh, smile, and scream in happiness can be heard all over the places lighting up that bereavement camp like a neon sign. But there was one girl he cannot take his eyes off. Not because of her beauty, but it reminded him of the day he wanted a suicide as he look at her standing on the cliff. She stood on a rock while holding her arms out as if attempting suicide instead of breathing that evening breeze. He knew by the time they arrived, she was one of the persons who dance happily with her peers.

The girl was said by people as she has no family members who had able to make it out alive. She was such a beautiful and lively girl. But, nobody can tell what she’s been endured and what had happened to her while she was captive as a hostage. Before she and her family held captive, their neighborhood was in a raid. Her house was blown up and neither of her parents saved her while her mom holding her tightly. She was, then, brutally tortured physically and mentally while watching one of her family killed alive right before her eyes with a gun just a meter from their head. She was captive almost of her teenage while one after another of her family getting killed in front of her eyes. She was one of them who still ongoing with her psychological treatment.

Thinking he might be needed around her, he snuck out from the chaos and met with her. Up the hill, he climbed slowly until he stood beside her unnoticed.

“Don’t you want to join the group? It's - it's not worth it if you jump,” he appeared from behind with soft, as gentle words as he can, as if he is trying to coax her.

“Bahaha!” She tried to suppress her giggling hiding her mouth with one hand but ended up bursting into loud laughter.

“I’m sorry. But I’m not trying to kill myself. I’m just taking some fresh air from here, can’t you see it?” She messed around with her hands showing the place she was inhaling.

“Ohh – umm… The air’s so refreshing, - isn’t it?” he asked rhetorically in awkwardness for his false accusation.

“Don’t you feel anything else?” her sparkling eyes look at his face with a little smile, guessed him back. Her arms back to the same position as he just arrived.

“Ahaha” His cheek flushed red by the look in her eyes, he can only let a gleeful chuckle to a question he didn’t even know what does it means.

“Of course, you should.” She let out glare in a soft smile, putting down her arms. She swept her flower dress, sweeping the dust away, and she sat on a rock.

“What do you mean?” In confusion, he asked her back but in awkwardness way.

She softly chuckled to his obvious clueless face, “just feel it, you’ll know.” Her words mean persuasion into her previous action but her face showed differently.

Seeing she sat down, he searched for a good spot to sit. Only a silence remain between them while he took a quick and shy peek at her.

The atmosphere between them, in which actually he was the one who is getting more and more awkward in silence, so he made his first move, asked anything about her and how she is so lively, free from any conflict she had. Then, they started the talk between them about why she was all alone on a hill taking fresh air on a hill, facing the refugee camp. They chatted, laughed, and even make a joke with each other about the crowd and yet full of misery camp.

For them when they were together, time slowed to a stop as they had their time together. Wherever she went, he was there. So, she was. She must be present whenever he was. Eventually, they developed a feeling for each other which was something he would never expect. He tried to force the feeling out of him, he even said to her he will not stay for any longer time. But, once one’s falls in love, what can stop the feeling. The girl expressed her feeling toward him that she never had before, insisted on him staying, and refused that they couldn’t be any happier than this.

The drama between them started. Once the first rays of sunlight lit up, as every day that passed, he was so delighted to meet her. However, that day, he couldn’t meet the girl. He scouted for her from a tent to tent, not include the privacy tent for a family, foraged for her from every nook but left to found the girl nowhere to be seen. Not even her shadow. He, then, moved to the youth tent where they always held any occasion and classes, asked around them for her. They said the girl was held into care at a refugee hospital after she collapsed one day while standing on the cliff.

With help of one of his group members, he went to the only refugee hospital presented, met with her appointed doctor, who also came from the same organization as he is, and dug information he can get about her condition. The doctor said she had a terminal disease where she cannot remember any memories she used to have, in which the disease has no scientific proof yet to be cured; amnesia. She was in the worst state where she may not be able to regain all of her memory anymore. She also might ended-up in a soulless state after one day she tried to kill herself for loss of her ability to regain any memories.

He met her but she was no longer the same. She couldn’t remember him anymore. All of their memories together were told, but she was never interested as before. She even looked at him as a complete stranger. He asked for permission to care for her while he was there. The permission granted and his days started to care for her every day. He tried to help her to retrieve her memory by showing pictures and videos of them together. But, the girl only gave a clueless stare and blank view. Deep down, all he can do was pray for her and gave a promise she could not understand, to never take for granted her.

Unexpectedly things happened that one day, he did not awake from his sleep, from a chair by the bedside of the girls he dozed himself off last night and ended up unconscious. The girl, in another way, was still not able to recognize anyone familiar, which is called, face blindness. She screamed for help as she found him unconscious with his head on the edge of her hospital bed, not breathing or maybe dead, she thought. Doctors and nurses rushed off to her room, took him into the intensive care unit (ICU) upon his condition was diagnosed to have a brain tumor, and was getting worse.

As every belonging of him was prepared and under the supervision of one doctor, he was then flown back home in order to receive further treatment at his place. He had to undergo surgery right back there and he ended-up unconscious for weeks.

In the scene back at the refugee hospital, someone found a letter inside one of the bed-side drawer where she was admitted before he was flown back. The handwritten letter he wrote with a hope to give to her by his hand only to found someone else hands. Some letters written smudged with teardrop traces, reflecting his sincerity for the girl when he was cared for her, only to say his thanks for the whole memories they shared together. He knew by the time, he may not have the chance to say it himself. She, unintentionally, showed him what life is and what it is supposed to be. He also said, she may be the last person he was expected to fall in love with or maybe for her too. He also wrote how she might not find the letter nor read them, and they may not be able to meet again but he indeed found his purpose in life and how much he cherishes their moment together. He ended the letter by cherishing their short story together with a love symbol at the end of his words, lots of love from him.