Never Again

Trigger warning: suicide ideaton/attempt

Never again will I ever attend a high school reunion, never. Those revolting memories of my high school days and the last time I went to a reunion will haunt me forever. I have never ever slept comfortably since the first day of high school and the doctor says that my insomnia is in the worst condition possible. I don't even know when I will be able to sleep properly again. I am tired of taking sleeping pills and crying myself to sleep. I hope I can escape my dark past and live happily and normally again. I have scars on my wrist from when I tried to kill myself because I couldn't take it anymore. I cant stand myself being so weak but there isn't anything I can do about it. I wish that one day I will be able to find light and escape from this darkness. I hope that one day I will get my happy ending too. It all started on my first day of high school. Being from a low class family with hardly any money I was determined to make sure nobody found out about my societal status. But just as I entered my class, I saw someone who I never expected to see ever again, not even in my dreams. It was my cousin sister, Celestina. We went to the same Middle school and we were best friends until I betrayed her. It wasn't my choice. I was forced to do it to raise my academic score. The teacher hated her so, she asked me to get her expelled and I had done it. Celestina stared back at me with a smirk and said, " Oh look we have a new student!" I ignored her and went to take a seat. I simply couldn't apologize, because if she didn't accept it then I would feel even more guilt for the rest of my life than I already did. Just before I took my seat, Celestina blocked my way and said," Hang on a second. We need to know your societal status first. Then we decide where you sit." My hand started to to shake and I could feel a lump in my throat. "Middle - Class..." I replied with a shaky, low voice. " DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT, YOU PATHETIC LIAR!" Celestina screamed. I flinched and said, my voice cracking, " Please Celestina..." "This girl is my cousin and she comes from a low - class family," she said lodly so that everyone could hear. "She probably has the lowest societal status in this class." Many students looked at me with a disgusted expression, like I was a disease. Celestina suddenly pushed me hard and I fell right in the middle of the class. I heard a lot of laughing. A tear escaped my eye but I couldn't even defend myself because of the guilt I felt. "Oh look, the baby is crying, " Celestina said with a sarcastic voice. "Listen up loser, this is your seat from now on. Its right in the middle of the class and you will be getting all the attention. Ain't you happy?" I just stared at the floor, not being able to say anything. Celestina grabbed me by the hair, made me stand up and sit on that seat. That seat just felt wrong, like everything bad would happen to me over there and I was right. The worst of the worst happened to me on that seat throughout my high school years. I was made to get higher class students homework done, run to the cafeteria and get them what they want within three minutes, let them beat me up whenever they felt like it and draw on my desk and do as they please with my chair. They threw liqiud on my back which resulted on my blazer always smelling wierd.I couldnt tell the teacher because of the fear they created in my heart. I even had suicidal thoughts quite a few times. All this bullying left a deep scar in my heart. I did apologize to Celestina sincerely but my fears came true and she didn't accept it. Three years later we had our first high school reunion. I was a quite successful doctor by then and I thought that since my societal status was among the higher ones I would be treated nicely. But I was wrong. I was bullied even worse during our reunion and this left another deep scar in my heart. When I arrived, they made me sit on a chair on which juice was spilled. Then Celestina spilled water on my pants saying it was an accident and didn't even let me go to the restroom. They ordered seafood purposefully because they knew that I was allergic to it and made me eat it. They even made me pay the money of the food they ate all by myself. That wasn't the end of the bullying. Later we went to an amusement park and they made me ride alone on Rollercoasters despite knowing that I fear heights. They even made me bungee jump. I ended up puking and all they did was laugh and make disgusted faces at me. They then left me alone at the amusement park and I had to find my way out of the amusement park all by myself. My classmates have already contacted me for our second reunion but I plan not to go. I have changed my number and my address so that that they cant threaten me into coming either. My feelings have been hurt in such a way that I can't even trust or love people like I used to. I feel sorry for myself but I still want to keep living. Because even if we want life to stop it just keeps on going on and on. It won't stop for us. Wanting to live is not a sin. But never again will I ever attend a high school reunion or meet up with any of my classmates. Never again.