Coital Drought

TW: Swearing and sexual frustration.

“Hello, Darkness, my old friend,” said Shawn the illusionist.

            “Please don’t,” Darkness replied. “The number of people who’ve said that in the night. I cringe every time.”

            “I wanted to ask you for some advice,” said the blue-eyed mortal.

            The chalk white entity dressed in a sequined suit leaned closer to Shawn in the deck chair on the hotel balcony. Brilliant teeth glittered as the embodiment of shadow looked into Shawn’s eyes. “Yes, little friend. How can I help?”

            “You see everything that happens in the shadows?”

            “I do,” smiled the flamboyant immortal.

            “Is there any way you’ve ever known to get over a dry spell in a relationship?” Sculpted muscles stretched down the illusionist’s arms as he leaned on the balcony overlooking the swimming pool.

            “Dry?”

            “We’ve not been having-” Shawn bit his lip.

            “Coitus?” Darkness’ smile was audible when it said the word, teasing.

            “Sex.” Said the young man in swim trunks. “We’ve not had sex in ages.”

            “Easy there, historian. Throwing out words like ages as hyperbole is a great way to initiate or prolong sexual drought.” Glittering elbows of the flashy god intruded upon the mortal’s peripheral vision as they gazed down at palm tree silhouettes on the horizon.

            Playful waves danced, grinding against the sand of the beach. For them, thrusting and caressing never ended.

            “You, you can help me?”

            “I have some advice,” said the immortal. Pearly teeth were still grinning when the magician looked at his eternal companion. “I know that you can’t fix it by ignoring it. You can’t hope that things will go back to ‘normal’.” He used air quotations with flair that Eddie Izzard would envy. “Talk to her. It might be that she’s been feeling uncomfortable and hiding it from you. She might not be feeling attractive. She might need change to liven up the act. You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

            But you must be careful. I’ve seen endless relationships end because a partner blamed their better half for ‘denying them’ or accusing them of infidelity. You are partners, it’s a thing happening to both of you. You need to work out if you can find a solution that works for you both, or if the initial lust in the relationship has burnt out. If the connection you had isn’t enough without it.” An ethereal hand, snow white, touched Shawn’s shoulder.

            The illusionist buried his face in tanned hands.

            “What if it is the end? I don’t want what we have to be over.”

             “Then tell her that. If she feels the same way, then you’re halfway to victory. If not, then you’re only prolonging your torment. Ask her.”

            The illusionist nodded. “Thank you, Darkness.”

            “I’m always here when you need me. And when you don’t need me, whether you like it, or not.” The eternal being tipped an imaginary hat to the young man and vanished.

Billowing white curtains beckoned Shawn and brushed him away. He pushed through the flailing cotton to the bedroom of bamboo and broken wet dreams.

            On the bed lay his lady love, Rayelle. Electric blue hair was strewn across four pillows as her long legs wrapped around a fifth. Diamonds glittered on the platinum band around her wedding finger.

            Tattoos peeked from beneath the sheets. Waring instincts told him to wake her with a kiss or to lie there with her and wait for the dawn. Their room had the best view on the island.

            “Are you going to stand there watching me sleep all night like a creep, or join me like my husband?” Her voice was muffled by the pillow. She smacked another with her hand.

            “Rayelle, do you love me?”

            “Duh,” she said, wiggling the diamond ring.

            “Do you still feel the same way about me that you did when we first met?”

            “No. Of course not. That was years ago.” Her words were a brick to the face, icy water hitting him from nowhere.

            “But-”

            “Change happens, dumbass. Come to bed.” She looked up.

            “Things haven’t been the same recently,” he said. Being delicate wasn’t their thing.

            “You mean we haven’t fucked in a while?” She said. Drool stuck blue strands of hair together on her ear.

            “Em, yeah.”

            “We’ve been on the run, keeping our heads down. Which is bullshit since we basically saved the world.” She pushed herself into a sitting position. Without looking her long fingers found the grip of the gun he’d stolen.

            The laser gun spun in her hand. “I always feel hornier when I’m killing, Shawn. You know that.”

            “Yeah, but if we do, we’ll be found.”

            “True, but we might be found having incredible sex.”

            Weighing up the pros and cons, Shawn found that he would let her murder just about anyone if it meant their sex life returned to its previously steamy heights. “We need to find a new job then. A hit.”

            Rayelle’s smile was serial killer sexy to him. She had the gleam in her eyes.

            “Where will we go?” She asked.

            “Where do you want to kill people next?” He asked, crawling into the bed with her.

            The gun was gone as she rolled on top of him. “Austrailia? New Zealand? Somewhere colder?”

            “No. I think I definitely prefer it hot,” she said, kissing him. “Hot and screaming. Wet, chunks flying everywhere when I shoot them.”

            “We just need to be careful.” He kissed her neck, realising she’d frozen still as a statue. “What?”

            “CAREFUL? What’s sexy about being careful? You had to ruin it, didn’t you.” She pushed off him and stood up. Her body compounded his mixed feelings as she threw on her clothes. “I’m going to the bar. Feel free not to join me. Don’t worry though. I’ll be careful to spend all of our money.”

            Sweeping from the room in a flowery dress, she slammed the door. Shawn clawed at his cheeks, then slammed his fists into the mattress. Smothering his face with a pillow, he screamed into it.

            “You were this close,” said Darkness. The immortal was sitting on the end of the bed, holding two chalk white fingers millimetres apart.