We're just too different

           From the time the two of them were old enough to pick out their own clothes to wear on a given day, and didn’t have to wear the clothes their mother laid out for them, they would make a point of dressing as differently as they could. That even included wearing different colour socks and underwear.  Both Rob and Roy did not want people to think of them as twins, but as the two distinct individuals they truly believed they were, even though they were identical twins that sometimes their parents couldn’t tell apart, something that they found hard to believe. They fooled no one with this, of course, as even in different clothes they looked very much like twins, mirror images of one another.

           When they went out to dinner with their parents and their sarcastic sister Rita, they would each ask what the others was ordering, so they would be sure not to order the same thing. One of them would have to change the order that he first wanted. They took turns doing that: Rob’s turn, then Roy’s turn to declare choice first. Their parents did not even notice what was going on, and their sister suspected but did not want to pursue the matter. She had other signs of their imagining that they were different that she could more readily mock.

The Twins and Hockey

           Being good Canadian boys, they both loved playing hockey and were quite good at it. They both had amazingly fast reflexes, so they both became goalies. This was okay as long as they played on different terms in the house league. A problem arose when they both were good enough to make the local rep team, so that they had to alternate who was in goal. What none of the other players or the coach saw or even suspected was that whenever the opposing team scored a goal on one of the twins, the goalie brother on the bench would give a small but intense fist pump, hoping that this would lead to a change in goaltenders during the course of the game. It never happened, but each hoped that he could replace his brother in some game, thus becoming goalie number one, different from his brother in being better.

Insulting with a Compliment

           All the way through school, both of the twins scored their best marks in mathematics. One day their grade 12 math teacher ‘insulted’ both of them, in their way of seeing things. The math teacher was handing back to the class their marked examination grades. Much to the twins’ disgust, she made a point of saying. ‘And of course, Rob and Roy both achieved the highest results in the exam and in their final marks of 94 each. They share talent in that area of course, as they are the math twins. Stand up boys, so that the other students can see what excellence looks like in this subject.”

           The twins felt insulted, but they stood up slowly and reluctantly, heads down as if they had just been caught cheating on an exam. Neither of them went to the Awards Night that Friday, not wishing to repeat the degrading experience of being called the ‘math twins’ in front of a larger audience. Their sister Lita would hear of it, and use it as a weapon.

Who Can Go the Longest Without

           Possibly the pettiest of Rob and Roy’s attempts to prove that they were different from each other was the ongoing series of ‘who can go the longest without having to pee’ or ‘I’m different from you because I have a stronger bladder’ unspoken contests. They would go to their favourite bar, and drink a good number of two different brands of beer (of course). Then they would both of them hold back the urge to pee as long as they could. They should have had a chalk board beside the darts chalk board with Rob and Roy written on it, keeping score of who held back the longest most often and by how long. The score was very close to even, no matter how hard each one tried to exhibit their alleged better bladder.

Speed Dating With the Intent of Having a Very Different Mate

           After they both graduated with degrees (with honours) in accountancy, at different universities, they got essentially the same jobs, but were employed by competing firms. After working for a few weeks, fitting admirably into their new jobs, they decided it was time that they sought out their future mates. They both decided that it would be a good idea to find their special someone through speed dating. Their sarcastic sister Lita had said to them that they should go to two different speed dating sites, or they would end up trying to win over the same woman, making her the object of yet another twins’ contest. Rob said, “No Way” and Ron said “That would never happen. We have very different tastes in women, and we appeal to different sorts of women.”

           Still, after she left the room they both stated their agreement with their sister’s suggestion. They were going to go to two different sites. Neither of them said why they thought it was a good idea to do that, for that would be admitting too much similarity.

           Both of them were successful in finding someone that appealed to them, and who found them appealing. Plans were made for Friday night, and they were going to go on their first date at their favourite bar.

           As they sat at the bar, downing their second beers, not even thinking of who had the better bladder, a lovely young Mexican woman with long black hair walked in through the front door. At the exact same time, Rob and Ron uttered the same words, “There’s my girl now”, a phrase that they would repeat when an identical woman walked in a few seconds later. They would discover that night that the two women were also twins. Rob stated his opinion on the matter as the two women approached them, “I don’t know how this could have happened. We couldn’t possibly have the exactly the same taste in women. They must have different tastes in men, and did the choosing based on that.” Roy concurred, “We’re just too different to have picked identical women.”

           The two women thought the same way.