No More Cheese!

Detective Robert Burdock strolled into the candle lit interrogation room, burnt coffee in one hand and an empty notepad in the other. Bill Sherman sat in a little steel chair across the table twiddling his thumbs nervously and studying his ghostly reflection in the one way glass to his right. Robert sighed and sat down, sliding the coffee to Bill.

“Bill, why are you here?”

Bill took a sip of the coffee, grimaced, and sighed just as Robert had. 

“Well Rob, pal, I have a crime to confess to.”

“Oh?” said Rob, glancing at the blank notepad. “And what crime would that be, Bill?”

“Oh well Rob, you remember when the power to the town shut off yesterday? Well that was me, Rob. I turned off the power to the town.” Bill looked down at the burnt coffee, ashamed, and took another sip. He grimaced, then sighed.

Rob looked up from the blank paper. “You cut the power? Now why would you do that?”

“Well I couldn’t think of any other way to get the alarm to the jewelry store to turn off!”

Rob thought for a little bit before taking out his pen. “Why did you want the alarm to the jewelry store to turn off? You live clear on the other side of town, the noise couldn’t be that big of a bother.”

Bill shook his head. “But it was! I was at the jewelry store and the alarm was just deafening!”

“Now Bill, why were you at the jewelry store when the alarm was going off? I remember this clearly, it was in the middle of the night when the police got the call!”

“Well Rob, I had to get a diamond ring but there was no one there to open up the case for me so I had to help myself.”

Rob’s eyes widened and he jotted down a few notes. “So you stole a diamond ring, then the alarm went off, so you cut the power to the town?” He fiddled with his pen. “Why didn’t you just wait until the jewelry store opened to go buy the ring?”

Bill sighed. “Well Rob, I had to get that ring so that I could propose to Mrs. McCourtney as quickly as possible.”

One of the candles spat in indignation.

“Mrs. McCourtney? I hate to tell you this Bill, but she’s already married.”

“Well, no, not anymore because her husband is dead.”

“Mr. McCourtney is dead? How so?”

“Well Rob, we got in a bit of a tussle and I think I slugged him a bit too hard.”

Rob stared at Bill. “What were you two fighting about?”

“Well Rob, you know that Mr. McCourtney owns the used car dealership here in town? Well I went to go buy a car from him and he sold me a hunk of junk that didn’t even make it out of the lot! I wanted my money back and he said no-can-do, and so I slugged him.”

Rob dragged his eyes from Bill back down to his notes. “So, Mr. McCourtney wouldn’t give you a refund on a bad car he sold you, so you slugged him hard enough that he died, so you then decided to propose to Mrs. McCourtney since she is now single and you stole a ring from the jewelry store, but then the alarm went off so you went to the power station and cut the power to the town?” Rob shook his head. “Why were you even buying a car in the first place? You already have one don’t you? And a real beauty at that, if I recall.”

Bill looked down into his now cold coffee, sorrow across his brow. “No, not anymore Rob. She’s currently at the bottom of the lake.”

“Bill, why in the world is your car at the bottom of the lake?”

“Well Rob, I lost control while running from the police and she slid into the lake. I made it out alright, but alas, she did not.”

“What reason did you have to be running from the police?”

“Well Rob, I had to borrow from the grocery store but I don’t think they took too kindly to that and they sicced the cops on me.”

“Bill, why in the world were you “borrowing” from the grocery store? If you needed help buying groceries all you had to do was ask.”

“Oh no, Rob, I’ve got plenty enough money. I just left my wallet at home in my rush to get to the store. I told them I would be back in a bit to pay them their due, but I’m not sure they believed me.”

“What on earth was important enough that you were in such a hurry?”

“Well Rob, all of a sudden I got this hankering for a grilled cheese but when I looked in my fridge I was all out of cheese!”

Rob looked down at his tangle of notes and the picture they painted. He cleared his throat. “Let me get this straight. You ran out of cheese so you went to the grocery store, but in your hurry you forgot your wallet so you decided to “borrow” from the grocery store, but they called the police and you ran, but in your hurry your car ended up at the bottom of the lake, so you went to buy another one from Mr. McCourtney but it was a real piece of junk and he wouldn’t give you your money back, so you slugged him and he died, so you decided to propose to Mrs. McCourtney now that she was single, so you went to the jewelry store but no one was there to open the case, so you opened it yourself, but the alarm went off and so you cut the power to the town in order for the alarm to be silent once more.” Rob cleared his throat again, a bit lightheaded from the whole ordeal. “Am I missing anything?”

“No, Rob, you got it word for word.” Bill looked down at his twiddling thumbs, a furrow in his brow. The occasional sizzle of the candle wicks was the only sound as the two men looked down at the objects in front of them. Finally, Bill spoke.

“So Rob,” he asked. “What kind of trouble am I in for cutting the power?”