Handshakes

 I cried out in pain, louder than I ever had before, and blood poured out of me, along with my organs, my veins, my bones, my skin. The lightning coursed across my remaining body, and the last thing I saw was the smile of Him. 

Why had he done this? He was supposed to be my lover. But I didn't have time to think any more thoughts, as the rest of my body had fully exploded, and I felt nothing.

My essence was lost in a void. I could feel nothing, see nothing. 

Be nothing.

I just floated through the darkness. I didn’t care where I was, and it didn’t matter anymore. I was dead, even though only just 24 hours ago I was just any other angel. I don't know how long I stayed in this state, but what did I know? I wasn't getting out any time soon. 

But then, I felt a tug. I felt something. A rush of pain filled my body, and I was jolted downwards. I screamed, and I felt my body hit the floor. Wait, body? What is happening now?

“Finally,” a disembodied voice came around my surroundings, and I sucked in a tight breath. Now I was breathing again, too? “A new…playmate.”

I was breathing heavily now and my eyes were searching around the darkness, looking for some kind of sign of who or what was talking. “Who-who are you?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“Shhh. You need your strength. And speech…only delays the progress.” I heard what sounded like thunder in the distance, but ignored, as I was too transfixed by the voice that was surrounding me. 

“Str-strength for what?” My voice quivered, and I felt my arms going around my body and I shivered, too. 

The thunder got closer. So close it seemed to be behind me. I looked behind me to see purple clouds right behind me, and I jumped up and tried to stand, but fell to the ground and had to resort to crawling on my back like a worm.

A humorless laugh came from the cloud. “Such a jumpy girl. But, we’ll fix that. If you…say yes of course.”

“Y-yes to what,” I asked the cloud. I shook, my whole body filled to the brim with an overly large bag of chills. It was like someone had just unfroze me and I was heating back up. Except there was no fire, only cold mountain winds. 

“To revenge.” The cloud bowed down to me so it could get to my height, and I backed up more. “To the power that I can give you to punish the ones who have wronged you.”

“What are you talking about? I have no grudges against anyone. I am-was an angel. I don’t hold grudges. Especially ones so deep that I-I try to make a deal with the Devil!”

“Wow. Not everyone figures it out so quickly.” He began to 'walk' around me. “Goes to show you really are the special one that everyone was talking about.”

My head was reeling and my body was just going through more chills everytime the Devil got closer to me. I prayed and prayed that not one of those black clouds he was made out of would touch me.

“And everyone has grudges. Even puny little angels like you were not too long ago.” He stopped circling me and bent down. “Tell me. How does the mention of your mother make you feel, hm?” He tilted his ‘head’ and narrowed his purple eyes at me.

I felt myself take in a strong and deep breath, and my throat began to get tighter. My eyes felt watery, and I lifted my head up, my hands clenching as to poke my fingernails into my hands to make me focus on something else other than the thoughts swirling in my head now.

A cloud reached out and dragged down my head so I had to look at him. I gasped, a giant amount of air coming into my lungs, and tears fell down my cheek as the only thing I could think of was how cold the cloud was. It was colder than the void itself. 

“Don’t hold back. Sadness leads to anger. And anger leads to energy.”

“How-how do you know my mother,” I stuttered, and the tears were still going down my cheeks, the wetness quickly feeling like icicles on my skin thanks to the cold from the cloud touching my face.

“I know everything that goes on in everyone’s life. I don’t like to be…oh how do you say it,” He pretended to ponder the question deeply. “Ah yes. Stay out of the loop.” 

I shook my head, getting rid of the cloud hand and it absorbed back into itself. “Listen, I don’t know what you want with me, but what I do know is that you’re trying to manipulate me into…into…well it doesn't matter. What matters is that you. are. the Devil. And I don’t listen to demons.”

He laughed again. “Oh so you don’t like that? Well,” he tapped his ‘chin.’ “I suppose if that doesn't affect you, then perhaps this will.” A sudden image appeared in front of me, and it was Him.

Beno.

I covered my mouth in shock and instead of feeling the heartache I thought I was going to feel, instead a new emotion I had barely felt in years filled my stomach and it felt like the stomach acid in my stomach had come to life and was trying to break through. 

Rage. Rage, the emotion of pure and utter hatred. And I was feeling it for someone I was supposed to love. And they killed me. 

My fists went down to my sides and clenched harder now. And this time I wasn't trying to distract myself from the truth. It was because of anger.

“Yes, let the anger consume you. Let it be you.”

I started to breathe heavily, staring at Beno’s picture, and I got up and suddenly punched it, and then fell face down, as I had forgotten that it was just a plume of cloud smoke that the Devil had created.

I got up on my knees and clenched and unclenched my hands over and over again in shock as the Devil laughed behind me. “I guess some angels do have anger.” He chuckled. “And you said you didn’t have any grudges.” 

I turned around and got up, wobbly on my feet. “No, listen, please. It’s just a misunderstanding. I never meant to do that.”

“But what if that punch was more powerful? What if your little angel boy was actually here? Would you have held back?” He got closer and bent down again in front of me. 

I opened my mouth to shout, ‘Yes, of course I would’ve held back!’ but nothing came out. I thought and thought, waiting over and over again for a different answer to come into my head, but my eyes widened as I realized the truth. “...no. I wouldn’t hold back.” 

I turned around and looked down at the ‘floor’ and closed my eyes, trying to wish this was some kind of weird nightmare and it was never real. God, I wish I was still in the void.

“I knew you would say that.” He came around and got down so he was under my face. The sudden burst of cold air I got from him being nearby shocked me into opening my eyes and I stumbled back a bit. He moved back up to where I had to look up to see his face. “Y’know, I can very easily give you the capabilities to give you that power.”

“P-power,” I stuttered. “What-why would I need power?”

“Well, it’s hard to get revenge without the appropriate tools, y’know.”

My eyes widened and my breath hitched when I realized what he was implying. “You would turn me into a demon?” He nodded, and I immediately started to shake my head. “No, no, no. I-I can’t do that.”

“Actually, you very much can. It’s either that, or you can go and spend eternity in the void as an empty shell, devoid of any emotions. At least if you become one of us, you can still feel.”

I looked down at the floor, not knowing what to say, and I kept trying to come up with excuses of why I should say no. But while I hated to admit it, I could come up with only one, and I shouted it out immediately. 

“What about holy objects? The second I get hit with one of those weapons, I’ll be right back here in the void with no chance of escape.”

“You don’t think I’ve already thought of this possibility? I will make you immune to anything and everything holy.” 

I stared at the Devil and was speechless. He let out his hand, making it outstretched towards me. “C’mon. What’s the harm? Besides, it’ll only be the people you hate. No one else.”

I stared down at his hand and my head swarmed in all the responses I could give, all the possible excuses I could come up with. But all my thoughts lead back to this: I would go into the void again.

“We don’t have all day. Make up your mind. Now.” His body began to create lightning that poked out at all sides towards me. 

I jumped back, not wanting to get shocked. I took in a deep breath and slowly outstretched my hand. “I’ll do it.”

His hand circled around my arm and then he pulled away, but not before saying, “This is gonna hurt. A lot.” Hysterical laughter came from him, and he floated backwards, away from me. 

{SERIOUS TW FOR THIS PART! CONTINUE WITH GREAT CAUTION!}

I looked down at my hand as it felt like something was worming around under my skin, and I saw black and purple skin covering my arms and swarming to the rest of my body. I began backing up quickly, hoping it would just peel off as I walked backwards, but it never came off. It just kept spreading. 

I breathed heavily before feeling blood start coming out of my mouth. I fell to the floor on my knees, and suddenly sharp objects began to appear in my mouth, like daggers. I put my hands over my mouth as I began to gag, but eventually I couldn’t hold back any longer, and I threw up a large amount of blood. But it wasn't sliver like it usually was.

It was purple. 

I cried out, and instead of a scream, it came out as a roar. I felt pushing on my skull, and held my head with my now clawed fingers. Ram horns began to curl around my ears, that were not becoming pointed like an elf.

I looked around my body, and I saw feathers coming off me. I realized that it was from my wings. They were becoming like skin, but I could feel them tear as they came out of my back, along with a scorpion-like tail that was now extending from my tailbone.  

I felt my skin tear as two new arms began to grow from my sides, and they were, too, clawed.

I draped my hair down in front of my face and I saw it becoming black, along with purple highlights coming around in seemingly random streaks. I screamed, or at least tried to make it sound like a scream, before suddenly being jolted into the air and through the void.

My senses violently fluctuated through my body over and over again as I went through the void again in hyper-speed, and I went through the floor of a room. 

I looked around the room I was in to see that it was none other than the room I had entered the void from not too long ago. I stood up shakily, and my head hit the ceiling. I looked down to see that I was much taller than before.

I bent down and got out of the room, trying to find any sign of life. A glimpse of light caught my eyes and I walked towards it, transfixed, barely registering the fact that I could see the Devil following me in the corner of my eye. And that’s when I saw that the light source was a mirror.

I went in front of it and froze. That wasn't me. That wasn't me. I had white wings, white hair. I didn’t have a tail, horns, or fangs. And my eyes…

There was no white sclera or blue iris. Instead they were black with purple dots just floating around and moving where I looked. 

But y’know what? I liked this new body. I feel powerful in it, like I could end so many lives in a single second with little effort. And what if I could? Who says I shouldn’t? There are so many people out there. A few hundred wouldn’t be missed. 

I let my forked tongue out and turned towards the door, and my entire brain was filled with primal urges to hunt and kill the angels out there. All of them. Especially Him.

I saw purple flashes come from my body, but I barely noticed as I let myself be covered in rage. My human consciousness now only came in blips, and I heard in one of those blips, from the Devil, “Now go, child.”

“And end everything and everyone.”