Ocean's Light

Blake slowly walked through the water, pushing his way through the pull of the tide to the sand of the beach in front of him. Every step he took in the murky water, feeling his feet dig into the wet sand beneath, took every ounce of strength he could muster. He wanted to sprint the last few steps out of the water but found he could find the energy to lift his knees up high enough, and so just slowly took each step one at a time until he finally made it through into the shallow part of the water that only reached his ankles.

               Finally breaking free of the ocean’s grasp, Blake carried himself a few more steps into the sand before finally collapsing to his knees and rolling onto his back, grateful to finally be back on land. He laid there silently, feeling his chest rise and sink as he took one deep breath after another, trying to control his heart rate. He rolled slightly to his side and looked back to where the condo was he had rented for the week with his family as they took their yearly vacation. It was funny to Blake because his brother had actually wanted to go to the mountains this year, but Blake had voted for a trip to the Bahamas, which had been the winning vote.

               He continued to look towards the condo, looking at the lights inside from the distance, just making out the shapes of various members of his family moving around inside. Opening his mouth he attempted to call out to them but found that his energy and strength had been sapped from the fight to escape the water to the land. He rested his forehead on his left arm, trying once more to control his breathing, building up deep from within to try once more. As he looked back up at the condo he opened his and cried out, only to have it die in defeat to the sounds of the ocean, of the wind, of the music from within.

               Blake put his forehead on his arm again and felt the wetness run down his arm onto the sand. He realized he was crying and could feel the motion of the tears as they disappeared into the sand beneath. He rolled onto his back again and continued to breathe slowly, hoping to reserve his strength and energy in case somebody happened to come by. Never really being one for religious thought he was surprised to find himself in that moment actually saying every prayer he could remember from his the times his mother had taken the family to church. He also in that moment realized he finally understood the saying that there is no atheists in a foxhole. It made him chuckle to himself.

               Laying there silently Blake found himself thinking of his family, of their times together, both good and bad. He silently asked for forgiveness for times in the past when he and his brother ever had an argument, or he disappointed his parents. He remembered the time he had lied once in high school about studying but had been out drinking with his friends and the look of disappointment on his parent’s faces. He always promised himself he would never bring that look to them again. He wondered what it would have been like when he graduated college next year, start a career, maybe have a family. He felt a new wave of tears as these thoughts passed by him.

               Slowly Blake breathed, feeling as his chest moved up and down in a calm rhythm, but also feeling the quick thumping of his heart trying to control its beating against the rush of blood movement. He knew he had to look but it was something he feared, something he was not ready to confront. Using what strength he still had Blake leaned himself up slightly with his hand, looking down at his thigh, at the crimson pool developing around it, at the glistening exposed muscle. He whimpered to himself before collapsing on his back again.

               Laying there he began to curse the ocean, to curse the monster within it that had made that fresh hole in his leg, but mostly he cursed himself for feeling the desire to have a late swim alone.

               Time seemed to almost stop in that moment. Blake wondered if that was how it was for most people that realized they were coming to their end. Did your body slow down to the point everything else around you did to? Does it cause everything around you to become enhanced because you realize this would be your last moment to take it all in? The sound of the wind, the smell of the sea carried with it, the sensation of touch as hands worked frantically around your leg, voices distorted all around you as they slowly became muffled.

               Blake closed his eyes and took in these final thoughts, took in these sensations. Around him he slowly felt the warming embrace of darkness as the stars above him slowly began to shrink away. He was finally calm and accepting of the moment. He did not even feel anymore the pain within his leg. He did not feel anymore the fear of the light burning out. He did not even feel the motion of his body as was lifted into the air almost weightless and placed gently down onto a soft surface. The only thing Blake felt in this moment was the peace of allowing himself to accept the warm embrace of the ocean air.

               The voices began to mix together. He wasn’t sure if that was his mother he was hearing alongside that of his brother. Was that his father too? Blake no longer knew. The only thing he did know was that the stars in front of him shone brighter than he had ever experienced them in his life before now. The stars shone brighter than the sun at dawn, until they merged into one light, before the doors finally closed shut.