A Yarn about a Crafty Momma

I woke with a start, dang it, it’s already 5:30 am, the baby must have let me sleep. It only took me until 3:00 a.m. to get him to go to sleep. Next thing I know, Precious is up and in the bathroom. Good, I don’t have to wake that girl up. I may have to remind her not to use up all the hot water in the house. Lord knows, living with this many children I have to stay on my toes.

I go into the kitchen to start breakfast; Frosted cereal for Brady, Mandy, and Mike. Oatmeal for Louis. Scrambled eggs for Fiona and myself. Baby carrots for Benny. Yep, that’s all my children. All seven of them.

“Precious, are you having anything for breakfast, girl?” I yell through the bathroom door, “Precious! Are you listening to me at all? Come on now, girl, don’t hog up all the hot water, I got dishes to do.”

“No mamma, I’m just gonna grab a breakfast bar all right?”

Man, that girl is so sassy. She’s sixteen and attitude is her middle name. Good thing she can take care of herself mostly though. I do have my hands full.

“Mamma, I don’t want scrambled eggs this morning, I really wanted fried eggs.” Fiona, who is six, whines at the table.

“Fiona, since when don’t you like scrambled eggs, I make you scrambled eggs since you could walk and talk. I don’t have time to make you fried eggs, you gonna be late to school. Now just shush and eat your scrambled eggs like a good girl, and if you really want, I can make you fried eggs tomorrow, okay?” I prayed this tactic would work. Fiona sighed loudly and ate the rest of her eggs.

“Mamma, did you know that the Big Boy 44 TEEN has been re-released?! I saw it on YouTube! So exciting!” Louis was twelve and quite the train enthusiast. I smiled as he ate his oatmeal. He was my special child, the only one that had autism. It was mild but noticeable. Still, he was unbelievably super smart.

“Louis, you and your stupid trains!” Mike was older by a year, and was starting to show traits of being a bully.

“Louis, you listen to me, and listen to me good. You leave your brother alone, you hear me? I don’t want to hear any more sass from you, and if I do, I will most certainly put you over my knee. Don’t think I won’t! My daddy wouldn’t have put up with that, and I certainly will not!” I put on my biggest meanest mamma voice I could.

“Bus!” Mandy, Mike and Fiona all shouted at once.

Benny started to cry loudly. “All right, you know the drill. Precious, you best be done in that shower, I ain’t got time to take you to school today.”

I gathered up all the backpacks and made sure each lunch I had made the night before were in each of them. Precious finally came out of the shower wearing a very short skirt.

“Oh no, girl, I don’t think so. You best be putting on some leggings under that skirt. I don’t want the school calling me again, telling me you ain’t dressed properly. This is now High School, you can’t be dressing like some trollop.”

“Yeah, who are you dressing for anyway, some boy?” Mandy teased her big sister. Mandy was ten going on twenty-two.

“Oh all right, Mamma. But it will take me longer to put on tights, and I have to catch the bus, so I guess it’s up to you whether or not I miss the bus again.”

Man, this girl has got sass up her a...”WAAAAAH” Benny started screaming loudly now. I don’t have time for this.

“Bye mamma, love you.” Louis kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to cry. He was one of my good kids.

“You have a good day, and stick to your routine, and don’t be talking about trains all day, okay Louis?”

“Mamma, may I have a cookie at school, the school is having some kind of fundraiser thing.” Mike age eleven tells me now as he’s walking out the door.

“If you got the money, sure, if not, no.” I shrugged, “Now scoot, you don’t want to miss the bus.”

All the kids left the house, including Precious who was still in her short skirt. “If the school calls me, I ain’t coming to get you.”

“Don’t worry Mamma, my boyfriend might drive me home.”

“Boyfriend? What boyfriend, you never mentioned no boyfriend before now.”

“I don’t have time, Mamma, I need to go.”

“We’ll discuss this later, young lady!”

“Whatever, Mamma, I gotta go.”

I sighed audibly as my oldest left the house. I went back to a screaming, crying baby.

“Oh Benny, don’t worry baby, Mamma’s here. You hungry? Let me change your diaper first and then I’ll give you some food.”

Benny’s eyes were open now, and they were a bright blue-gray. He must have the same genes as my grandma had. She had blue eyes too, which were unusual for an African-American at that time.

“Oh my God, Benny!” I had to hold my nose. Lord, the smell was just awful. I changed his diaper quickly and then set him down to eat some baby carrot food.

“You kept me up all night now, didn’t you.” I sing-sang to him, I knew it wasn’t his fault, after all, he’s only a baby. “Let’s try some baby carrots. Looks yummy. Come on now, open your mouth, here comes a big plane.”

I made the motion of a plane coming in for a landing and Benny’s eyes got big and wide. That was his favorite game to play. Dribbles out of his little mouth. I wiped it up with a cloth. Good, he ate most of it.

“Come on, let me put on your favorite show and then Mamma can do the dishes.” I was glad we were able to have a small TV in the kitchen. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it at least got some cartoons on first thing and the news.

After breakfast, washing the dishes and cleaning up the smaller kids rooms, I went to the couch with Benny sitting next to me. He was still sleepy from being up all night. I felt his little head, slightly warm to the touch, but nothing to really worry about. His eyes drooping closed, I finally was able to take out my knitting that I had been working on.

“RING, RING.” Oh man, I just started counting off my stitches too. “Yes, hello? Schue residence, Mrs. Schue here.” I paused, damn it, I really needed to get that caller ID thing.

“Hello, Mrs. Schue, I was wondering if you have time to donate some money today? It’s for the Fireman’s Association.”

“I’m sorry, but with seven children, I’m kind of in a bind. I wish I could. Maybe next time.” Click. I don’t have time for that, especially today.

Back to counting my stitches, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26. “RING, RING.” Gads, now what.

“Mrs. Schue? This is Nurse Bradley over at the Middle School.”

“Oh hi, Nurse Bradley, what can I do for you.”

“It’s Louis. He forgot to wear his deodorant again, and he smells bad.” I was trying not to seethe with anger.

“Look, Nurse Bradley, we went over this. He takes a shower like you requested every morning. I made sure he put on deodorant this morning. I’m sorry if he smells funny to you, but he’s perfectly fine, and to be honest, I don’t have time to deal with this right now. So, if it’s not urgent, can you please just give him some extra deodorant and I’ll talk to him again when he gets home.”

“I know you must be stressed out with so many children, maybe you can use some help, now and again?” Nurse Bradley was just trying to be friendly, a little too friendly in my opinion.

“Nurse Bradley, I will kindly remind you that I’m a grown woman and I can handle seven children all on my own. I’ve been doing this now for sixteen years. Again, I say good day to you. Good luck with Luis, and if I hear any more slack from you, you can be sure I will write a letter to the Head of the Board of the school. I did go to school with him, you know.”

I hung up the phone. I was so mad. It wasn’t any of her business. Where was I again? Oh right, 26 stitches. Benny started crying again. I leaned down and pressed my palm on his little forehead. Shoot, feels like it’s really warm. Where is my thermometer? Oh yes, in the cupboard. I put it in his mouth and it beeps at me. I take it out and crap, it looks like it’s 101 degrees. Poor thing, that’s probably why he was so cranky last night.

I look up Dr. Schroeder's phone number, how in the world will I get there, my car is still in the shop. I guess I have to call my neighbor again, Charlie, he’s been so good to me.

“Hello, Dr. Schroeder? Oh, yes, this is Mrs. Schue, my little one has a fever. Yes, 101 degrees. Oh, all right. I’ll keep an eye on it. Should I call you tomorrow if it goes up? Yes, all right. I’ll keep him cool with the damp cloth. I know. I just get worried, I can’t help it.”

Benny looked at me with his bright gray-blue eyes again. “I know sweetie, but let mamma give you some baby Tylenol, okay? It will help. Come on now, let mamma give you some medicine.” The baby took the medicine with ease and I set him down in his crib again. Maybe the Tylenol would work it’s magic and quickly.

Sure enough, the baby was sound asleep in no time and I got back to my knitting project and turned the TV to a show I’d prefer to watch. “Oh yes girl, you work it.” I said to myself as the model turned her body to the audience in her little black dress that was showing to sell. “I wouldn’t be able to fit into that even if I lost 20 pounds!” I chuckled to myself.

Finally 32 stitches, I can now make this pretty scarf I’ve been wanting to make for a few weeks now. The yarn was on sale last week too and I took out my grandma’s old knitting needles. Good thing she taught me when I was little. The yarn was so bright, so vibrant. I knew it was an easy stitch, but I wanted it to look nice. Maybe I could sell it? Nah, who would buy this, I’ll just keep it for myself.

“RING, RING” crap, I didn’t even make it to the end of the row.

“Yes, Mrs. Schue here.” I paused for a breath.

“Good day Mrs. Schue, this is Principal Linus of the High School, did you know your daughter was wearing a very short skirt to school today?”

“Yes, I informed her that it was a bit short, she gave me back some sass. What do you want me to do?”

“Well, it’s highly inappropriate, but we’ll give her one more warning and then she’ll be expelled.”

“I certainly will speak to her again, Principal Linus, I appreciate it.”

“Good, you’ll have to sign her slip when she gets home, don’t forget please.”

“Yes, sure, no problem. Is that all Principal Linus?”

“For now, yes. Thank you Mrs. Schue.”

I went back to the TV and watched the rest of my show. I finally finished one more row when another “RING RING”

What in heavens name is it now, I thought to myself, this phone will not stop ringing today.

“Hello, Mrs. Schue, this is Mrs. Van Pelt, I’m the teacher of your twins, Mandy and Fiona?”

“Yes, how can I help you.”

“Well, I hate to bother you, but I think they should be doing the spelling contest this year, they just won the school spelling bee.”

“How much is that going to cost me, I don’t have a lot of money to spend.”

“Oh. Um, well, I don’t know, I can find out if you like.”

“You do that, but if it’s over $100.00, then I’m sorry, but my answer is no.”

“All right, we’ll discuss this another time.”

“Yes, let’s do that.” Click.

“WAAH” Oh no, not again. Benny must be up. I go over to his crib and he’s just wailing like a mad man. “Come on baby, hush now, Mamma’s here.” I pick him up, poor thing is hot to the touch. “Hold on, I know. Shh Shh. I can’t give you more medicine right now. Are you teething too? Let me see your mouth, come on, open up for Mamma.” Sure enough some little teeth are trying to poke through. I go to the freezer and dig out one of Mike’s old teething rings, good thing I never threw that away. I rinse it off and give it to Benny. Benny takes it and gnaws on it.

“That’s a good boy. You’re gonna be the death of me today boy, but you are being so good right now, Mamma appreciates it.”

Finally, Benny calms down and back into the crib he goes with the teething ring.

I get back on the couch and pick up my knitting. Once again, click clack go my needles and I’m on row 4.

I must have nodded off, when I hear the door open wide, “Mamma, we’re home!”

THE END