Chernobyl Man

Mr. Black excused himself for a quick restroom break. When he returned, he took a sip of his coffee, hoping it would give him enough energy for his next class. Entertaining high school students as he did, took its toll. After a few gulps, Mr. Black stuck out his tongue and tossed the remainder of his coffee in the trash.

“Apparently the barista mistook mocha for dog shit.” He said, making the class laugh. “What are you smiling at?” he asked Elena a moment later.

“You’re still funny…sometimes.” She replied.

“I suppose only a person’s suffering would be considered humorous to you.” Mr. Black replied.

Elena rubbed her index finger and thumb together.

“Boo-hoo, first world problems. It’s coffee from Starbucks, what did you expect?” she chuckled.

“At least something that doesn’t taste like dog shit!”

After that everyone quieted down and worked on their assignments. Then, a rumbling sound suddenly caught everyone’s attention. When it happened again, a few students looked up and saw Mr. Black had grown pale. He grimaced but couldn’t prevent himself from ripping a loud one. Elena was the first to giggle, followed by others.

“Looks like I might need to have a conversation with that barista after all.” He said, beginning to stand.

“I have to ask, is flatulence a common side effect of Covid?” Elena asked.

Mr. Black turned and glared at her, realizing why she smiled earlier. But, before he could say anything, he felt his stomach rumble again, and he rushed out of the classroom. Elena smiled and turned back to the book on her desk and continued reading. It was a lesson learned for Mr. Black, never to leave an open cup of coffee unattended in a room full of students.

Elena’s phone vibrated and she took it out of her pocket and checked it. You didn’t really just… the text said. He decided his fate after poking fun at my dead dad. Elena replied. You really are a savage, I underestimated you. James texted back.

2

Mr. Black returned to work a week later. After he spent nearly two hours hugging the toilet in the teacher’s restroom, the school had quarantined him due to the reemerging Covid-19 panic going on in the U.S. The school administration was nothing but liberal cucks to him, who refused to listen to his pleas. It was simple. He was pranked by a student who put laxatives in his coffee.

The automotive class started at 9:00 A.M. Elena, as expected, showed up to class ten minutes late.

“Let me guess, was the short bus tardy again?” Mr. Black asked Elena, making the class crack up.

“I sure hope you packed some Imodium, so we don’t have to breathe in your radioactive flatulence!” Elena mocked, making the class laugh.

“You shut your potty mouth.” Mr. Black replied.

“I bet the janitor calls you Chernobyl man after the hazmat scene you left on the potty for him!” Elena giggled.

Now the class was laughing at Mr. Black instead of with him. Even Jazmine, who hated Elena, was laughing. Once the class settled down, Mr. Black put on an instructional video for everyone to watch, about manual transmissions and how to drive them. Elena yawned and put her head down.

3

After about fifteen minutes, Elena began to snore lightly. Mr. Black turned to Jazmine, giving her a thumbs up. Jazmine quietly opened her backpack and took out two bottles. She poured a bit of each onto Elena’s lap, which soaked into her jeans. Elena was in too deep of sleep however, to notice.

When Jazmine went back to her seat, Mr. Black paused the video and put a finger over his mouth, commanding the class to stay quiet. He walked over to Elena’s desk and stood over her. He knocked on her desk, startling her awake.

“What…?” Elena sighed in irritation.

“Time of the month?” Mr. Black asked.

Elena looked down, feeling the wetness in her jeans, and her face fumed red.

“Dawww…the sad widdle emo pissed herself too!” Jazmine teased.

Elena’s eyes grew wide, and she sheepishly turned to Jazmine. Why would you do this to me?? Her eyes said.

“Do us all a favor and use the little kiddie’s bathroom before you wee-wee anymore on my desk.” Mr. Black said.

Elena sheepishly stood up in silence as the class laughed at her. She glanced at James briefly before walking out to hallway.

“Make sure she doesn’t fall in, Jazmine.” Mr. Black said after Elena was gone.

“Can’t make any promises!” Jazmine replied before leaving the classroom.

Jazmine had gotten some pig blood from the agriculture department and a urine sample from the biology department. That seemed to be a fair payback for someone who put laxatives in their teacher’s coffee.

“Who would you happen to be texting, James?” Mr. Black asked.

“Your mom.” James replied.

“Oh…not a generic joke at all. The phone, if you please.” Mr. Black replied.

“She’s very disappointed her son doesn’t check in on her as often as I do.” James replied, bringing his phone up to Mr. Black.

“You visit the local cemetery often, you’re saying?” Mr. Black replied.

“Well, you like to dig up someone’s dead father sometimes so…” James said.

“Don’t forget who your job reference is for the local car dealership this summer. If you want to continue your little Jim and Pam prankster alliance, I’ll see to it that no dealership in this town hires you.” Mr. Black said.

“I was never involved in any pranks against you sir.” James replied.

“Ha! Also, the Earth is flat! And Jefferey Epstein killed himself!” Mr. Black sneered.

4

Inside the stall Elena got a text from James, which only read the word “Watch”. What was that about? Was he trying to warn her about something that was about to happen?

Jazmine quietly waited outside the stall as Elena cleaned up and got dressed into her gym shorts. When the stall opened, Jazmine lunged at her.

“Wait!” Elena squealed as Jazmine grabbed her by her shirt’s collar.

Jazmine yanked her towards the toilet and stuffed her face underwater. After a few seconds Jazmine pulled her up so she could breathe, then shoved her against the corner of the stall.

“Are you done running your potty mouth in class, bitch? Cuz if not, I can take a shit right now and give you a taste of that.” Jazmine hissed.

Elena looked up at her with puppy eyes, pleading for mercy. She swallowed her fear.

“Did you seriously just swallow toilet water, potty mouth!?” Jazmine piled on.

“No!” Elena yelped sheepishly.

She winced when Jazmine took hold of her by the shirt again.

“Yes! I-I’ll leave him alone! I swear!” Elena cried.

“As I thought. All bark, no bite. That’s a good girl.” Jazmine said, pinching her cheek.

Elena whimpered and pulled away.

“Andale puta!” Jazmine snapped, startling her to her feet.

Elena quickly washed her hands, but Jazmine did not allow her to dry her hair. She didn’t know if she would ever live this down.

5

“I only make jokes in class because I used to get bullied for being too quiet.” Elena confessed.

“Putting laxatives in your teacher’s coffee isn’t a little harmless joke, puta.” Jazmine replied.

“Well neither was his joke about my dead father!” Elena replied.

“I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing.” Jazmine snapped, paraphrasing Samuel Jackson.

Elena gulped and turned away. She could feel her eyes start to sting.

“Are you seriously crying right now??”

“No…” Elena sniffled, wiping the tears off her face.

“For fuck’s sake, stop trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for you. It’s pathetic. Actions have consequences, so grow the fuck up.” Jazmine replied.

Elena choked back a sob and swallowed hard, trying to keep herself composed. The last thing she wanted was to break down in front of other classmates.

6

“And you were supposed to keep her from falling in Jazmine. Shame, shame.” Mr. Black said.

“As I said before, I couldn’t make any promises!” Jazmine replied.

“Appears so. Now take a seat potty mouth.” Mr. Black said to Elena.

Elena quietly went back to her seat as the class cracked up around her. She had a clever comeback on the edge of her tongue, but she knew she would have her ass handed to her in front of everyone if she said it. Now, the teacher that made fun of her father getting executed in prison, would have her wrapped around his finger for the rest of the year if she hoped to graduate.

7

Elena sat next to James on the school bus the next day, trembling as if she contracted Parkinson’s.

“What’s wrong?” James asked.

“N-nothing.” Elena replied.

“Your tremoring demeanor says otherwise.” He replied.

“Thanks Captain Obvious.” Elena replied, then felt her face flush when he looked at her. “Sorry.” She whimpered.

“Scared of going back to class?”

“No…maybe.”

“Would you like something to help you relax? I don’t want you to crash out at school today.” He replied.

“I’d like that very much.” Elena replied.

He handed her a small tablet of valium, and she took it gratefully. She rested her head on his shoulder for the rest of the bus ride.

James arrived in Mr. Black’s class first, then Elena arrived four minutes later. She kept to herself, and felt a nice warm and mellow feeling rush over her when the valium kicked in. Her face flushed and her pupils dilated a little.

Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. A text read. She unintentionally giggled, breaking the silence, and quickly stuffed her phone beneath her desk.

“What’s so funny, Elena?” Mr. Black spoke.

“Nothing.” Elena replied.

“Why don’t you walk on up here and empty your pockets.” Mr. Black said.

“Okay officer.” Elena said, standing up and dropping her small wallet and a pack of gum on his desk.

“Turn your pockets inside-out.” Mr. Black said. “Your back pockets too.”

“You want to look at my butt?” She asked, making the class crack up.

“Ha! Don’t flatter yourself.” Mr. Black replied.

“This seems a little extreme if you’re trying to cure your erectile dysfunction.” Elena said.

James spit out the water he was drinking, and the class erupted with laughter.

“Why don’t you escort her to the principal’s office, Jazmine.” Mr. Black said.

The classroom went quiet after that. Elena felt her heart rate jump as Jazmine stood up and opened the door for her. Even with the valium, she couldn’t help the fear rising in her throat.

“Don’t fall in this time, sweetheart.” Mr. Black said.

She swallowed hard and reluctantly walked to the doorway.

8

Elena felt a hand on her shoulder as soon as the restroom came into view.

“Let’s go.” Jazmine urged and dragged her inside.

She shoved Elena into a stall. Elena face-planted with the wall and fell to the floor. She reached into her bra and sprayed Jazmine with it. A small bottle of pepper spray she had bought with groceries yesterday.

“Bitch!” Jazmine cried, collapsing to the floor and covering her face.

Elena’s eyes stung immediately, and she gagged, feeling her lungs fill with fire. Jazmine’s phone had slid across the floor, and Elena scrambled after it before running out of the restroom. She coughed and hacked in the hallway, trying to get a grip of herself. Her lungs forced her to slow her pace. The black dots in her vision were enough of a warning as is.

9

Elena barged into the administration office, startling the receptionist.

“My teacher convinced another student to assault me! I-I have proof!” Elena cried, digging Jazmine’s phone out of her pocket.

“Woah, woah, woah. Okay. Have a seat. I will get the nurse for you.” The receptionist replied, quickly leaving the room.

Elena took a seat, then winced when she touched the right side of her forehead. She was bleeding alright. What a magnificent wall, stopped the little Latin girl right in her tracks! She was no match for its magnificence! Elena imagined the Cheeto man in office speaking and giggled to herself. Perhaps the nurse would need to check her for a concussion as well.

The nurse arrived with rubbing alcohol, some cotton balls, and band-aids.

“Is the principal here?” Elena asked.

“Shh. Hold still hun.” The nurse said, dabbing a few cotton balls over her forehead.

She winced and the nurse took hold of her hand. Elena held her hand tight, distracting herself from the pain.

“There, not as bad as I thought.” The nurse said after cleaning her wound.

She placed a band-aid over the scar.

“How did this happen?” The nurse asked.

“Someone shoved me into a wall.” Elena replied.

The door to the principal’s office opened, cutting their conversation short.

“Help her into my office please.” The principal said.

10

“I should start with this.” Elena said, then placed Jazmine’s phone on his desk.

“I would like you to tell me what happened first.” The principal replied.

He wrote down what she told him, then called the nurse to find Jazmine after Elena admitted to pepper spraying her. After that he confiscated the pepper spray from Elena and scrolled through the messages on Jazmine’s phone.

He took out his own phone and took pictures of the messages, then turned his attention back to Elena.

“If I recall correctly, Mr. Black was recently quarantined for a week after becoming ill in class. We didn’t think much of it at first, but he claimed a student in his first-period class put laxatives in his coffee. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you Elena?” The principal asked.

“No sir.” Elena replied without a tremor. Thank God for the valium.

“I see. Here’s what I’m going to do. Jazmine will be expelled for the remainder of this week. You will be given a final grade of a seventy in Mr. Black’s automotive class. And you will not step foot in his classroom for the remainder of this year. Is that understood?” The principal said.

“Wait, what happens with Mr. Black then? And just a C? Why am I the only one being punished here?” Elena asked.

“Firstly, a C is a passing grade. And second, if you were truly being punished, I would find camera footage of what happened in Mr. Black’s class on the day he grew ill. Or I would call for personal witnesses. You as well as I know how your reputation has changed this year, Elena. So, I will only ask you once more. Will you accept a seventy in his class, or will I need to investigate this matter further?” The principal replied.

Elena gulped and cleared her throat.

“Okay. I accept.” She sighed.

“Excellent.” The principal replied.

. That was it. Mr. Black was really getting away with this.

“My backpack and cell phone are still in his classroom.” Elena said.

“I will have Mr. Black bring them to me.” The principal said.

“I wouldn’t trust him to do that.” Elena replied.

“Mr. Raymond, the counselor, is waiting for you Elena. NOW.” The principal replied.

Elena tensed up and left without another word. The principal made a call once she was out of the room.

“Ah Elena, I’ve been expecting you.” Mr. Raymond spoke when she arrived. “Whom from your class would you trust to collect your things?”

“James.” Elena replied.

“Alright, give me a moment.” Mr. Raymond said, then made a call. “He will be here shortly. In the meantime, why don’t we discuss what happened today.” He said after the phone call.

11

James arrived several minutes later with her things.

“Have a seat, James. Elena would feel more comfortable with you present for our discussion.” Mr. Raymond said.

James saw the band-aid she had on and sat down immediately.

“Did Jazmine do this?” James asked.

“Yes. I pepper sprayed her before she could do anything else.” Elena replied.

“Did you now?” Mr. Raymond spoke. “I take it the principal confiscated your pepper spray?”

They were interrupted by shouting in the principal’s office before Elena could reply.

12

“Are you fuckin’ shitting me!? Like hell I’m passing her with a seventy! If anything, that little runt should be expelled till next year!” Mr. Black snapped.

“Care to explain this?” The principal asked, sliding Jazmine’s phone across the table.

Mr. Black’s face drained of color. A rare sight.

“You realize, not only could I fire you, but I could also have you arrested for conspiring to assault a student. Pass her for the year and you’ll keep your job and avoid a lawsuit. I would also advise you to tell your friend to keep her mouth shut.” The principal replied.

“What other choice did I have!? That liberal cuck of a superintendent makes it impossible for anyone to discipline students! Instead, we award the little dipshits for bad behavior!” Mr. Black snapped.

“If you feel this is an unfair compromise, I can go through with punishing you to the full extent of the law. I would prefer not to go through with the headache of making that happen, but I will do what’s necessary to ensure neither of you step foot on school grounds again if you want to play hardball.” The principal replied.

“Compromise accepted.” Mr. Black said, then slammed the door on his way out. “Snowflakes.” He muttered as he passed Mr. Raymond’s office.

13

On graduation day, a loud boo echoed from the crowd when Elena walked on stage to accept her diploma.

“Your boos mean nothing Chernobyl man!” Elena shouted back at Mr. Black, leading to a roar of laughter from the crowd.

That sealed her fate in his eyes. He would return into her life soon enough and make the potty mouth brat squeal for mercy. A depraved grin shown across his face. The vacant glare in his eyes unsettled Elena, even in her temporary moment of triumph.