A Phone Call For Anton

A Phone Call for Anton

At the end of the day, Anton Moleno closed his shop and went up a long flight of stairs to his apartment. "Whew. Too many stairs for an old man. Let's see, what shall I eat?" He thought. "Well, I'm not really hungry. Maybe I'll think of something to eat later. For now, I'll just sit here and watch television." He turned on the television and sat down. "Ah, a mystery story." As he watched, there was a knock on the door." He turned off the television and went to the door. "Father Amato. What a nice surprise. Come in.” They went to a couch and sat down.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Anton."  

"Not at all. So, Father, what brings you to my home?"          

"You, Anton. You're not ill, are you?"

"No, Father, I'm not ill. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was curious to know why you've stopped coming to church? 

Anton paused. "I'll tell you. I came to this country almost sixty years ago with my father. When my father and I left the old country to come to America, he told me that we would become wealthy. He told me that everyone in America was wealthy. Father, do I look wealthy? No, I'm just a poor, old man. Father, every Sunday, I went to church and I prayed for a little wealth. I didn't ask for much. Just enough so that I can stop working and find a nice house somewhere. But God has not answered my prayers, so why should I go to church, Father?"

"Anton, sometime we don't get everything we want in life. What is important is how we live our lives. Church helps us to understand the meaning of love and the value of giving to others who are less fortunate."

"Father, what is wrong with wanting something for myself? Is it a sin to want to sit in the sun, to be warm, so my arthritis won't hurt so much? I have prayed and prayed for years, but my prayers have not been answered. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Father, but God doesn't listen to the people who go to your church."

"Anton, I’m sorry you are so unhappy.  If you change your mind, you will always be welcome at   my church," he said and left. 

Anton returned to his television. "Let's see what's on television, now." He changed channels. "Ah. Magicians. I like Magicians. Hmm.  How do they do that?"

The phone rang, and he answered it.

"Hello, Anton, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you, and, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"That's good. Uh, excuse me, but who is this?"

"Anton, this is God."

"God?"

"Yes, Anton, this is God."

        "God is calling me? Shame on you. It's not nice to make phone calls and say you're God. Don't ever do it again," he said angrily and hung up. "Imagine, someone calling and saying he's God"

The phone rang again.

"Could this be the same prankster?”

The phone kept ringing.

"I'd better answer it. It might not be the prankster." He answered it. "Hello?"

"Anton, why did you hang up on me?

"Look, God wouldn't like you to call people and say you are God. You should be ashamed," he growled and hung up. The phone rang again, and he answered it. "Now, look, you--

"You hung up on me, again, Anton."

"Of course, I hung up."

"Anton, this is God. I know you think this is a prank, but it isn't. I am God, and I am calling you. I will give you proof."

"Okay, give me proof."

"Okay, Anton. Father Amato visited you a little while ago. He wanted to know why you haven't been to church."

“Father Amato wouldn’t play a trick like this on me.” He paused. Oh, my God, it is God."

"That's right, Anton, it is God.

"Say, uh, God, I, uh, I, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but, uh, do you know you sound like a woman?"

"Do you know why I sound like a woman, Anton?"

"No, I don't."

"It's because I am a woman."

"A woman? God's a woman? Oh, my God, I didn't know you were a woman."

"Does it bother you that God is a woman, Anton?"

"No. No. If you want to be a woman, that's fine with me."   

"Good, Anton, I'm happy you approve." 

"Uh, God, uh, can you hold on for a minute?”

"Sure, Anton."

"Good. I'll be right back." He put the phone on the chair and ran out of his apartment to Mrs. O'Ryan's apartment, pounded on her door, and Mr. O’Ryan finally opened the door.

"What's all the noise, Moleno?"

"Mrs. O'Ryan! Come quick. Hurry.”

"Mr. Moleno, what do you want?"

"Mrs. O'Ryan, please come with me," as he pulled her to his apartment. 

"What are you doing to me? Stop pulling me. Let go. You'll be sorry. I'll call the police. Stop pulling me," she yelled as he pulled her into his apartment, sat her down on the couch, and took the phone to her.

"Mrs. O'Ryan, please. Take the phone. Say, Hello," he said as he put the phone to her ear.

"And what am I supposed to say?"

"Just say, "Hello."

"Oh, alright. Hello? Hello, is anybody there? Hello? She handed the phone to Anton.

"Anton, you're daft. There's no one there. I ought to call the police and tell them there's a lunatic loose in the building," she mumbled and rushed out of his apartment. 

Anton picked up the phone. "Hello? God. Are you there?"

"Yes, Anton, I'm here."

"Why didn't you talk to Mrs. O'Ryan?"

"I didn't call to speak to Mrs. O'Ryan. I called to speak to you, Anton. You need to have faith. You didn't need Mrs. O'Ryan to prove I called you.

"Forgive me, God. It's just so hard to believe that God would call me. Why me?"

"I called you, Anton, because you have been trying to reach me for a long time, and I haven't had a chance to get back to you."

"Forgive me, God, but I've been trying to reach you for over ten years."

"I know, Anton, but I've been very busy. Believe me, Anton, I haven't been ignoring you. I have some free time, now, so let's get to it. Just let me check my notes. Ah, here we are. You have been praying for wealth. Oh, excuse me, Anton. It's my secretary."

"God has a secretary?" he whispered.

"God, there's a call from Brooklyn on line 2," her secretary said.

"Okay, I'll be right there. I'll be right back, Anton. Talk to Ralph while I'm gone. Say hello to Anton, Ralph."

"Hello, Anton, how are you?"

"Uh, I'm...I'm fine...I think. Say, are you really God's secretary?"

"Yes. I've been her secretary for, oh, 2 or 3 thousand years."

"Really. Say, could you hold on for a moment?"

"Sure, Anton."

"Okay, I'll be right back." Anton rushed to Mrs.

O'Ryan's apartment, knocked on the door, and yelled.

"Mrs. O'Ryan! Mrs. O'Ryan, come quick."

Mrs. O'Ryan opened the door. "Not again. You're a nut case." 

"Please, Mrs. O'Ryan, come quick."

"Come where? Hey, stop pulling me. Leave me alone. Help!"

"Please, Mrs. O'Ryan. You have to talk to someone."

"Not again. We did this already, you nut. Leave me alone."

Anton grabbed her, pulled her into his apartment, sat her down, and put the phone to her ear.

"Please, Mrs. O'Ryan. Say hello. It's God's secretary. His name is Ralph."

"Oh, my God, you've finally lost it. God's secretary?"

"Please talk."

"Okay, okay. Hello? Hello? Ralph? Are you there? That’s it Moleno,” she said as she thrust the phone at Anton. "Anton, you need help 'cause you're hearing things. I'm getting out of here before I catch whatever you've got that's making you crazy," she growled as she ran back to her apartment.

Anton put the phone to his ear. "Hello? Ralph? Are you there?"

"Yes, Anton, I'm here."

"Why didn't you talk to Mrs. O'Ryan?"

"God called you, so only you can hear God and me. It's a rule."

"But she thinks I'm a nut."

"I'm sorry. It's a rule. Hang on. God’s back.”

"Okay, Ralph, I'll take over now."

"Was it an important call, God?"

"No. Somebody in Brooklyn prayed that some baseball team would beat some other baseball team. I told him that I don't do baseball teams. You may go, Ralph."

"I'll be at my desk if you need me."

"Now, Anton, where were we? Oh, yes. You want..."

"Excuse me for interrupting, God,” Ralph said, “but UPS delivered a big box. Should I open it?"

"Certainly, Ralph. It's for you. It's a computer."

"Gee, thanks, God. I needed a new computer."

"UPS? UPS? I didn't know UPS delivered up...you know, where you are," Anton said.

"Oh, yes. They deliver everywhere. Now, back to your prayers, Anton. You want..."

"God,” Ralph said sounding out of breath. “There's an urgent call from the parents of a little girl who was injured in an automobile accident. Line 3."

"Okay, Ralph. Excuse me, Anton, I'll be right back."

"A secretary, UPS, line 3...maybe I am going crazy."

"I’m back. Sorry, Anton, but it was an emergency. Oh, excuse me for a moment Anton, a call is coming in on my cell phone. Hold on, Anton."

"She has a cell phone?" 

"Okay, Anton, I'm back...oh, there's another call. Be patient, Anton. I'll be right back."

"I didn't know she was so busy."

"Sorry for the interruptions, Anton. That was a call from a very poor man. He called to ask for food for his family. It's very sad. Well, back to you."

"God, I've worked hard all my life. Now, I'm old, and I have nothing. Why can't I have...?”

"I'm sorry I took so long getting to your prayers. My job gets pretty hectic, Anton. There were so many people ahead of you. There are so many children suffering from terrible diseases, and they need me, and there are so many people all over the world, who are starving, and they need me, and there are so many very old, lonely people, and they need me. Anyway, let’s get to you. Now, you would like to be wealthy." 

"Oh, yes, God, it would be wonderful if I could have..."

"Anton, you'll have to excuse me. A fax is coming in. I'll be right back."

"A cell phone? A fax machine? I still don't believe it."

"I'm back, Anton. Some prayers just came in. Several people are being evicted from their building, and they don't have any place to go. It's very cold where they are, and they need my help. I'll get to them after I answer your prayers.”

"God, if you could arrange it, I would like to have..."

"There goes my cell phone again, Anton. Hold on. I'll be right back."

"Who would believe this is happening? I don't believe this is happening." 

"I'm back, Anton. That was a call from a family in Wisconsin. Their little girl just went into surgery for a heart transplant. They will need me, too. A lot of people need me. People all over the world are always calling me. Ah, but let's not forget you. Tell me, do you want cash, jewels..."

"God. You know. I was thinking. You're pretty busy with some very serious problems. A lot of people need you. Actually, I'm doing okay. I have my little apartment. I have plenty of food. I have my health. You go ahead and take care of those other people who need you."

"Are you sure, Anton? You've been waiting a long time."

"It's okay, God, I'm fine."

"Anton, you're a kind and generous man. I wish there were more people like you. Thank you, Anton. I have to go now, but I'll be here when you need me. Just call. Good-bye, Anton."

Anton hung up, sat back, and smiled.

The End