How Sam Meets Someone Who Changes His Life

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a 9 year-0ld dude who answered to the name of Sam. Actually, half the dudes in Danville would answer to that name, the other half don’t answer at all. He was super-cool, in fact he couldn’t have been much cooler if they’d have put him in a freezer, except for one thing, he was constantly lying about many things that he lost all his credibility with everybody. Danville is such a huge metropolis and his daddy was the governor and his mother was the most highly esteemed nurse in the state of Virginia, which beat the last state he came from called Chaos. His mommy wanted to move there to get out of the state of Confusion. Yet thestate of Old Dominion was the greatest place for them to live, including his 4 year-old sister, Sue who was a walking disaster area. Everything she could reach, she pulled down. When Sam saw something come falling, he’d run to catch it, except it would hit the floor and brake. Then he would get the blame. He also lied about it each time he’d get caught.

Once when Sam was playing with his daddy’s hand-saw up on his desk ou0t boredom, he found sawed off one of the legs to see if it would really cut. When he found out it did, he put the table back where he got it. When his mom put dinner on it she’d worked on all afternoon, it broke, sending the delicious meal crashing to the floor, spilling it, his mom yelled, “Sam! I told you not to touch the saw!”

“I didn’t!” he lied, “See, when I opened the door hearing a knock, some bear tried to eat me so I gave him the table! It was either let him eat it or me! I had to let him do it! Then he got full and left!”

That’s when his daddy spanked him for ruining the table. When he stopped crying he spanked him again for lying. Then he locked him in his bedroom and let him cry until it was time for bed.

That night while Sam laid in bed, a tiny light floated into his room. As he stared at it, it spread out and formed a pretty girl with wings, smiling at him.

“No,” replied the hovering, winged-girl in front of him, “if you want a time-machine I would refer you to Jules Vurne, but I can keep you from getting in trouble again. The rest is entirely up to you.

“Gee, thank you, stranger!” said Sam, “I’ll do that from now on!” He extended his hands to hug the little pixie, but of course, his hands went right through her as if she was a vapor. “I’ve learned my lesson! I’ll always tell the truth from now on!” he said, “You’re right! Honesty is the best policy.”

“If you, ‘lie,’ then you’ll end up falling asleep.” replied the Heavenly creature, “Rather make that, ‘con-’fib’-ulation’ not even come out of your mouth, because that’s exactly what it is! Can you dig it?”

“I got it.” said Sam, “Hey! Maybe if I do that, I can become president of the United States the way Abraham Lincon did with that cherry tree! I have told my last lie, so I’m no longer a, ‘con-fib- ulator!’ Wait a minute now, wasn’t he the first president to get shot? On second thought, maybe honesty’s not,” That’s when he stopped mid-sentence and scowled at the pixie.

Later when Sam wanted to see out the window, he stacked some books in a chair to be high enough to look out the window when they slipped and he came crashing to the floor, spilling food everywhere. Then his mom yelled, “Why did you break all my good China, Sam?”

Although Sam was so slick he thought of a story quickly. “A bunch of monsters came through the house! They tried to breathe fire on me so I jumped out of the way or I’d be a Crispy-Critter! He tried to burn up the house, but I stabbed him with my magic sword! Then I ate him, or he’d eat me!”

“Wow!” said his daddy sarcastically, “He must have been a huge dragon! Yet you ate him up! I’m proud of you, son! Since you’re full of dragon-meat, I can give your food to Bruiser! He’s really go- ing to love your dinner! It sure beats his stinky, old dog-food he always eats!”

That’s when he poured the food off of Sam’s plate into Bruiser’s bowl, who smiled and wagged his tail like, “Wow! THankyou! This food beats my usual dinner!” he As Sam lay on his bed, he saw a bright light outside of his window. As he watched it, the light stopped in mid-air. Then it turned into a pixie. Her wings fluttered like a humming-bird’s.

Since Sam’s mouth was wide-open, it didn’t look like he could say anything intelligent, so the pixie said, “Hay, Sam. You can shut your mouth. You’re wondering what I’m doing here, huh.”

“Naw,” said Sam psarchasticlly, “I see fluttering girls coming into my room all the time! It’s just that I’ve never seen any with red-hair before!”

The pixie laughed. “Comedians! I can’t stand comedians! I heard you make a wish so I’ve come from Fairy-Land to grant it to you! The first thing you need from me is to remove that lying tongue. ‘Life and death’s in the power of your tongue.’ That’s what the Bible says. It’s God’s Word.”

“Oh, great!” thought Sam, “I had to get stuck with a Bible nut! Now, I couldn’t get a normal pixie!”

“I’ve come from Fairy Land to grant you some wishes since you’re in a mess right now.” she said.

“Well, first of all, I wish you’d give me some money so I could help my folks. I hate by the name of Edger Allen, ‘Poe,’ is the drunk author of, ‘The Raven’ because I’m, ‘ravin’ ‘ mad since I’m, ‘Po’.”

The pixie sighted and said, “Yeah, that’s usually what most people want.” She raised her hands up over her head and there was a poof of smoke. When it cleared Sam was surrounded by several stacks of green papers with pictures of Woodrow Wilson on them. He’s on the $1,000.00 bill, which isn’t even made any more. Fred was flabbergasted that the pixie had granted him something he needed big-time. He wanted to be like a deer hunter so he could get big, “bucks” in his, “doe.” With- out ever saying after he had bought something that was kind of expensive, “Oh, ‘deer!’ ”

The pixie waved her wand and instantly Sam was surrounded by green pieces of paper with Woodrow Wilson’s picture on them. He’s on the $1,00,000.00 bill, which they don’t make any more.

“Cool!” said Sam, “You did a fantastic job of granting me that! Now, for my next wish, I’d like to be happy for the rest of my days on this old Earth!”

“Your wish is my command, Master,” the gini said again. That time he clapped his hands and Sam instantly felt happier than he’d ever felt in his life.

“What do you desire for your last wish, Master?” the gini asked with a huge smile on his face.

“Well, I’d like to save it for when I really need something if it’s cool.”

“Whatever you say,” the gini said, “Just use it wise, whatever you choose to use it for!”

Sam used his money wisely. He also wanted a special person in his life. The problem was most of the girls in town only loved him for the wealth he had, and not what he could offer them in love. He even moved to New York City where the girls are pretty, but all of them wanted him for what he could buy them. Those vultures were all ruthless.

Then when Sam was trying to find a good Christian Word-preaching Pentecostal Church, he met a girl named Amy in the Singles Sunday school class. The first time he saw her, she kept making eyes at him so he asked her if she’d like to go eat at an expensive restaurant in town. When she said, “Yeah,” he got excited. He never told her he had a lot of money. All they ever talked about was each other’s likes and problems, then they’d offer suggestions to them. By the second date they were kissing and the third he, “popped it” and she said, “Oh, yeah!” and kissed him, not knowing he had money to spend on her. Soon they were wed and the year after that, they blessed the world with a healthy, talented son. A few years later they had a daughter so everything was going perfect.

Then the girl he married contracted an incurable, fast-moving disease. Within 2 weeks she was gone. Sam was crushed. The girl he’d married was ironically named Samantha, but everybody called her Sam, so there were 2 Sams living in the same house until the wife, Sam went Home. He knew the Word. He didn’t want to cremate his lovely wife right away since she had friends and family far away, so he scheduled her, “celebration,” since he hated the, “f wor” for later on.

Meanwhile he kept praying and asking God to explain why He’d taken his wife Home so soon. He didn’t want to turn his beautiful wife’s body over to the crematory until everybody could see her during the viewing.

The day she was to be cremated, all her friends and family came to comfort her grieving husband who’d lost his wife so soon.

When the day arrived for her to be cremated, Sam insisted on lowering her body into the incinerator. He was weeping bitterly watching his wife’s lifeless body lowered into the grave.

As he lowered he, suddenly he heard banging on the inside part of the coffin. He screamed, “No! Don’t do it yet!” He said it so emphatically everybody listened to him, but they knew he was nuts.

Yet when he ordered the people to give him a crowbar, he began frantically pulling them out. Every- body shook their heads, but didn’t say anything. Then he screamed at the top of his lungs. As the people watched, shaking their heads for the crazy man trying to get another glimpse of his deceased wife’s body, screams of terror turned into screams of jubilance. “She’s alive! She’s alive! She’s alive! Praise God!”

The Church elders took his hands in theirs and patted them saying, “There, there, friend.”

Instead he juked away and continued pulling the nails out of the casket.

Yet a few seconds later his shouts for help turned into screams of ecstasy. He grabbed his wife’s so-called, “dead” body and pulled her face up, continuing to yell like she could hear him. “That man’s crazy!” people said. Some people went to take his hands in theirs before he hurt himself. Meanwhile, he continued screaming, “I’m coming, sweetheart! I’m trying to reach you!”

That’s when the man pulled out the last nail from the wooden box and opened it. To his jubilance and everybody else’s horror, a woman’s head came out of the coffin. It belonged to his wife. Then they saw 2 hands reach around the so-called, “crazy man’s” head. That’s when the elders went up to him and said, “There, there, my brother. You’ll see her again some day,” then they saw the eyes on that body which had was about to be put in the ground crying tears of joy, although hers could never even come close to the tears of joy her husband was shedding as he picked her up so she could stand up on her own. Everybody gasped in disbelief at the horror of what they were about to do, which was lower that alive women into the flames. That was when the Pastor stood up and raised his hands to quiet the crowd, who was going berserk over the myracle they were actually witnessing with their own eyes.

After Sam’s wife had recovered from her terrible, nearly-cremated experience, Fred later went to a Seminary which started that same afternoon. He wanted to become a Pastor and spread the good news of what the greatest Miracle-Worker of all time could do, even today. That just proves Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. He did many miracles back when He was here on Earth in the flesh and He can still do them now, even though He’s not still here on Earth in the flesh, but praise God, because of one man’s faith in an awesome prayer answering God, he’d received one of the most terrific blessings of all time, and that was being able to have the privilege of spending several more extremely fun-filled years to spend here on this old planet Earth, along with the privilege of being able to spend it with his newlywed wife. A few years later they gave birth to a beautiful 9 pound baby girl, who would later grow up being able to do many super-colossal things which would change a lot of people’s lives, including her family’s and her own. 2 years after that they blessed the entire planet Earth with 2 twin boys who would later grow up to be the best basket- ball brother-duo in the history of The N. B. A.. Later not only did Sam and his wife each win the Virginia Lottery, but all of their children did as well in just a few years when they were old enough to buy several tickets for them. Yes, things were really beginning to look up quite a bit for that entire family of whom the good Lord had been so gracious about blessing them all with so many special talents and all kinds of commercial blessings which only the wealthy could afford to buy, more than most, “normal” people would ever even dream about possessing in their entire lifetimes, and so anyway, as the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

“THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!”

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The end. By, Cuz Roye. Now, please call me sometime, or call me, “Cuz.” Thank you very much, and MAY THE LORD RICHiLY BLESS YOU FOR DOING ALL THOSE THINGS LISTED ABOVE IN THIS PARAGRAPH!!! Please call me sometime, or call me Cuz. Now, just give me a ring when you can, but I’m not proposing, rather make my phone do that. Call me sometime, or call me, “Cuz.” Praise God for Alexander Graham Bellsky, the first, “telephone, ‘Pole.’ “ Now, the best ways to spread news across the whole planet are by telephone, telegraph and, “tell-a-woman.” Give me a ring when you can, but I’m not proposing, just make my phone play that lovely one-note melody which would be pure music-to-my-ears. Dial, ....1-434-849-8268. Thank you for doing all these things which have been mentioned above in this last paragraph you’ve just finished reading.

Sincerely, your soon-to–be favorite, author-poet-comedian, brain-damaged, Spirit-filled Christian, red-haired, blue-eyed, author-poet-comedian you’ll ever be affiliated with in this lifetime, Cuz Roye.