Season of Change

Lyddie leaned her forehead against the cool window. It was a moonless night with the rain running in rivulets down the glass. This was the third night she’d woken up restless and worried. It was 3:00 am and she had to get up in 3 hours, but she was wide awake. The wind moved through the trees, splaying the branches like long, reaching arms. Normally the ping of the rain soothed her but not tonight, even her deep breathing exercises weren’t helping. School bills were going to be due soon. How was she going to pay for it all?

           Braide would be leaving for college in the fall, and she would be an empty nester. The house was going to be so quiet without her. How was she going to fill the emptiness? Lyddie would miss her constant chatter and her things scattered around the house. Braide brought life to their home.

           Maybe it was time to downsize. After the divorce, Lyddie didn’t want to disrupt Braide’s life even more by moving, so they’d stayed in her childhood home.

           Lyddie gazed around her room. She was surrounded by all her favorite mementos and family photos. Braide at three in the bathtub, in pigtails, riding her first bike, and later roller skating. Their life was measured within these walls.

           It wasn’t that she was afraid to be alone. There were plenty of nights when her daughter was at a friend’s, or her dad’s. Lyddie would often enjoy the quiet, but it was so much easier when it was temporary.

           And cooking? Who would she cook for? It was hard to summon up her culinary skills for just one. Cereal for dinner would be more likely.

           Life was about to change, and there’d be no going back.

           Lyddie headed back to bed with these thoughts, trying to catch a little sleep before her alarm went off.

           By 10:00 am the next morning her restless night was catching up with her, so she headed to the breakroom at work for sustenance.

           “Hey, Lyddie,” her co-worker said, as she opened the candy drawer.

           “Hi, Jan. How are you?” Lyddie said, pouring a cup of coffee.

           “Not great. I am stress eating as you can see.”

           “I could join you,” Lyddie told her, wistfully eyeing the candy.

           “Dave and I are trying to find a place for my mother-in-law,” Jan continued.

           “You should call A Place for Mom. I hear they’re really helpful,” Lyddie suggested.

           “That’s not a bad idea, but she’s still really independent. She drives, but her place is too much for her now.”

           “I’ve been thinking of downsizing myself,” Lyddie mentioned. “Braide is off to school in a couple of months.”

           “How exciting for her,” Jan gushed. “So, you’ll be footloose and fancy free. I can’t wait for my house to be empty. I’m already planning to move my craft room.”

           “But it’ll be so quiet,” Lyddie said, with a frown.

           “You don’t understand. I have two boys,” Jen pointed out. “They make a lot of noise, and they are messy.”

           “Braide can be messy too, but we’ve always been close.”

           “I think daughters are different. For one they’re not as loud.”

           “True,” Lyddie laughed. “Well, good luck with your mother-in-law.”

           “Thanks,” Jan said, reaching for another piece of candy before heading back to her desk.

           Wanting to cherish these last normal months with Braide, Lyddie decided to make her favorite dinner, baked ziti, and garlic bread. As the hot, Italian sausage sizzled in the pan, Lyddie thought more about downsizing. She didn’t want to rattle around in this space by herself. Plus, she had enough equity in the house to make some money.

           “Dinner,” she texted Braide, because her daughter’s music was blaring upstairs, and she’d never hear her calling. “Baked ziti!” she added.

           Within moments the music stopped and Braide thundered down the stairs.

           “Smells delish! What’s the occasion?” she asked, bringing the salad to the table.

           “You’ll be gone soon enough,” Lyddie said, sitting down. “I want to enjoy the time we have.”

           “I’m not dying, Mom,” Braide said, dramatically, while helping herself to a healthy serving of pasta. “I’ll be back between semesters.”

           “I know,” Lyddie sighed. “But I want to spoil you while I still can. Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”

           “Can’t. I’m meeting Gina and Kyle later.”

           It was already happening - this pulling away.

           “Well save some time for me before you leave for school,” Lyddie said, passing Braide the bread.

           “Don’t be so dramatic, Mom,” Braide chastised, good naturedly.

           Lyddie just shook her head. “What would you think about downsizing?”

           “You mean move?” Braide said, with a look of shock on her face.

           “Yes. This house is too big for just me.”

           A look of horror came over her daughter’s face. “I don’t want to move! I’ll be home for holidays and between semesters,” she reminded her mother. “This is our home,” she said, with such reverence that Lyddie knew Braide wasn’t ready for so much change.

           “It was just a thought, that’s all,” Lyddie said, downplaying it.

           “Now is your chance to take those art classes you’re always mentioning” Braide pointed out. “And you can have your friends over for game night without me tramping around.”

           “You’re right,” Lyddie agreed. “I’ll have a lot to do.”

           “Please don’t sell the house. It wouldn’t feel like coming home if it was a strange, new place. I’m already scared enough going away,” Braide admitted, with tears in her eyes.

           “I know you are,” Lyddie patted her hand. “But you’re going to make so many friends and have such good adventures. I can’t wait to hear about it all.”

           “So, we’re not going to sell?” Braide asked, looking for reassurance.

           “No, we’re not selling,” Lyddie said. “Now eat your dinner.”

           That evening, Lyddie began planning her future. Braide was right. She always wanted to take art classes, so she began to peruse an old catalog lying around that offered classes through the county. The watercolor class looked good and so did the pottery one. Possibilities began bubbling up and she got excited for her plans now too.

           That night she dreamed about her own life for once, and all the plans she’d put off since college. Lyddie began to embrace the changes coming.

           The next day Lyddie was brainstorming ways to make money when an idea came to her. It made so much sense that Lyddie hopped up from her desk excited to tell someone.

           “Hey, Jan!” she said, stopping by her co-worker’s office. “I have a brilliant idea!” Lyddie exclaimed, eyeing the pile of candy wrappers in the trash.

           “I need some good news,” she said, popping another piece of candy in her mouth.

           “What if your mother-in-law rented a room from me? I have a guest room and bathroom on the first floor, so she wouldn’t have to deal with many stairs. It’s sitting empty, and I could use the company with Braide off to school, plus I need to make some money to help pay for her books and room and board? It’s a win win!”

           Lyddie watched Jan’s face brighten instantly, warming to the idea. “You would love her!” Jan jumped up. “Her name is Rose, and she gets so lonely in her house. This might really work!”

           “What do you think?”

           “Are you sure?” Jan asked. “Well, you’d have to meet first, of course, but you’ll like her. She’s even more creative than I am.”

           “I can’t wait to meet her,” Lyddie said. “Why don’t you bring her over this weekend and let her see the house?”

           “Oh, Lyddie, if this works out, it’ll be such a load off Dave and I,” Jan said, hugging her.

           “It will solve my problems too. I have a good feeling about this,” Lyddie assured her.       

           Rose loved the house and she and Lyddie got on immediately. They were even planning meals together before she left. Rose also played cards and would fit in with Lyddie’s friends. The rent would take a lot of pressure off her finances and free her up to take a class instead of getting a second job. Things were falling into place.

           As plans for Rose to move in were finalized, it was time to start shopping for Braide’s dorm room. Braide loved to shop so Lyddie was surprised to find her not very enthusiastic about it. 

           “Why don’t we hit the outlets this weekend?” Lyddie suggested to her one evening.

           “Maybe,” Braide said, as she organized her closet. Piles of clothes covered her bed and chair. “These are my donations,” she said, referring to the pile on the floor.

           “You seem preoccupied lately,” Lyddie said, making room to sit on her bed. “What’s going on?”

           “Nothing. Just a lot to do,” Braide said, vaguely. “Work has been busy. I’m just tired is all.”

           Braide loved her job at the local cavern, where she took groups on tours of the caves. She’d been obsessed with geology and exploring since she was a child and loved the history surrounding the cave. She was one of their best tour guides. She was planning on studying geology at school. The college in Pennsylvania where she was going had a great program.

           “A lot of changes, huh?” Lyddie guessed.

           “I guess,” Braide said, without elaborating.

           Lyddie admired the rocks and minerals lined up on her dresser. Where most girls had loads of makeup, Braide had rocks and fossils collected over the years.

           “You’re going to shine at school. I just know it,” Lyddie told her, hoping to encourage her.

           Braide just shrugged her shoulders.

           “Want some dessert? Rose made us her boysenberry pie.”

           “She hasn’t even moved in yet and she’s already baking for us,” Braide laughed. “Looks like it’s working out for you too.”

           “Yes. Rose is a delight, but I’ll miss you fiercely,” Lyddie promised her. tugging on a strand of her hair. “My smart, beautiful girl. You’re going to do amazing things.”

           “What if I don’t?” she said, suddenly plopping down on the bed beside her. “What if I’m an epic failure?” she continued, tears brimming her eyes.

           “Of course, you won’t be,” Lyddie laughed it off. “That’s just nerves talking,” Lyddie said, brushing a tear away.

           “But what if I want to stay home and go to community college first?” she said, before breaking down in sobs.

           “Braide? Is that what is bothering you?”

           “I don’t want to go away,” she cried, leaning against her mother, shaking. “I could take all my basic requirements here and finish in Pennsylvania in a couple of years. Gina and Kyle are staying,” she pleaded. “And I can continue to work at the caverns and help pay for school?”

           “You’ve thought this through?” Lyddie asked, pushing her hair out of her face.

           “Yes. I’m sure.”

           “What does your dad think?”

           “He wants me to go away, but he won’t fight me on it,” she explained.

           “Well now we’ll have Rose with us,” Lyddie pointed out. “But we can put a lot of money away in two years. I support you either way, you know that.”

           “Thanks, Mom,” Braide said, hugging her. 

           That night Lyddie put away the catalogs she’d picked up for art. The house would feel full now. That wasn’t such a bad thing,” she decided, getting into bed. Well maybe she’d look at one class,” she thought, as she took the catalog back out. Lyddie was ready to make some time for herself now too.