Nice Day Today, huh?

By the time I stepped outside the leaves were on fire. Literally on fire. And it was spreading out over the dry land and catching the old barn house.

It was the middle of the night, practically pitch black. Not even the moon wanted to show itself tonight. I don’t blame it; today's been a shit show.

I had been running around all day for work. We got a horrible rush out of nowhere. I got all of the lazy employees and trainees today. None of them were helpful. Then I had to deal with a rude dumpster diver. How can someone come out of a dumpster and try to argue with someone about it? 

I was supposed to have my parents come back home today. Mom was getting out of the hospital, so definitely a reason to celebrate. But mom had something go wrong and now the hospital wants her for another week or two. Dad never leaves her side. I even cleaned up the house. Not much needed to be done, they keep it clean themselves anyway. I had a great plan for dinner. Dad was going to make his amazing garlic bread. I wanted to go through old photos mom has in the basement. 

No matter though. I can cool off and be nostalgic by myself with some poorly made mac and cheese. I made my way to the old barn with my mac and cheese in a small bag. I shouldn’t sit in there, something mom said about it being a hazard and extremely dangerous. I never listened anyway.

The inside of the barn is stuffy and grey. I miss the moonlight streaming in; it gave the barn such life and it felt like it was being used again. Though I’ve never seen it in use, just old hay, dust, spiders, and rotting wood. Great playground as a kid and teen.

There's ropes hanging from the old beams and there's a bunch of holes and rust in the roof. The second floor was always my favourite. It's a small area that has that big door. 

I make my way up there, and sit at the doors opening. The sky makes it seem sadder. Just clouds, not even the pretty night gray with the moon just barely hiding behind it, but a pitch black dread of what I wish would have been storm clouds. The cold mac and cheese does nothing to make this better. And my body is now processing what happened today. 

It doesn’t help that even though it's supposed to be getting colder it's been warm and dry for weeks still. The rain storm we were supposed to have hasn’t even shown itself. And running around all day has made me irritable, sweaty and getting stressed. Being in the barn eventually becomes too much, not that being in my old house is any better. I drag myself inside anyway. I wash my container and head to my room.

And now I have someone in my backyard committing arson. 

I didn’t realise what was happening at first  -  I usually get people back there under the assumption it's still part of a nearby trail. I watched as they made their way to my leaf piles and worn out barn. They pulled out a box of matches and lit a few of them. They held them up and dropped them into the biggest pile by the barn. They light a few more and drop them again. I’m too horrified to move.

I stared at the scene like a deer in headlights. The dry leaves caught easily. The person watched as the pile burnt. As they began walking away I snapped out of it. Running down the stairs towards my home phone. I dialled 911 and made my way towards the back door. I didn’t even have a fire extinguisher to try to tame the ever growing flames. I doubt they would help, but I should have tried at least.

“911 whats your emergency?” The operator answered. 

“I need a... a fire truck or team or whatever out my way. Someone just lit leaf piles in my backyard on fire and it's spreading to the old barn house,” I said. My voice wavering as I stand by the back door. I’m too scared to open it. I’m frozen as I answer the operator’s questions.

Slowly I turn the knob and step into my backyard. The fire kept on in front of me. As much as it hurts to see, it truly is a glorious sight. The fire is getting bigger and with how dry everything is around it will only continue to grow. Memories of my entire childhood rush through me. I wonder if it’s similar to watching your flash before your eyes.

It smells weird, but almost nice. I hate that I think about it like that. My parents backyard is on fire, I should have said something to them; Shown that I was here. 

Soon enough I’m crying while waiting for the emergency services to arrive. I can’t seem to breathe right. Maybe it’s just the smoke? But I know it’s grief and smoke hitting me like a truck. What happened earlier today only fuelled my own fire. I’m sobbing in the door frame when the emergency services showed up.

I’m sure more would have been saved if my house weren’t so out of the way, but that's what mom wanted and dad followed like a lost puppy. 

They got the fire out, nearly started a forest fire but the clearing is big enough to have prevented it for a while. I gave a statement to a police officer on scene. I told him about the person and such, but I doubt they can get much done. And now today's just that much worse. 

I need a drink. Maybe quite a few. And a goddamn break. But I have to open tomorrow, and teach more trainees. Then stare off as the workers clear up. 

I’m cleared to go pretty quick. I just had to give a few spoken permissions for the workers. The barn ended up falling under the pressure, and the rest of the yard blended in with the sky now.

Eventually I broke the news to my dad. I was in my apartment bathroom downing the first bottle of alcohol I saw while crying in the bathtub. He asked me to visit; Come over and talk it over or something. I turned him down. Being in a hospital room with the two sounds worse.

 I wonder why he was up this late anyway. I didn’t dwell on the thought.

I called in sick early. Took me long enough to convince myself to do it - my hangover didn’t help.  The thing is, under my splitting headache, I feel free. There is a weight off of my shoulders, and I don’t know how to deal with the lack of it. Or how to explain what caused it. I just let myself bask in it. 

The light weight and free feeling rarely comes to me. Something I care about burning was never a way I thought I could achieve it. I’ll be damned if the fire wasn’t a damn gorgeous sight.