A Special Date

   Another year… Another Valentine's Day, yet my thoughts still only revolve around her… My darling, Jessica. I hum her favorite song as I drive home to set up a special dinner. The music and thoughts of her making the time pass by faster than what seems to be normal. 

  I pull up to a charming little house where the snow decorates the yard and where Christmas lights still hang way beyond their time. The green paint is peeling a bit on the house but I barely notice as I grab the pink daisies and a small box of chocolates off the passenger seat before running around to grab a giant pink teddy bear from the back seat. Maybe it's a little over the top but nothing is too much this year. I check my watch, I have an hour until she gets home. That seems like more than enough time to set up a nice dinner.

   I pull out everything I need to make dinner tonight… Spaghetti and meatballs… Like from my first date with Jessica. As the water boils, I grab the fancy table cloth that we got as a present when we first moved in. I set the table as nicely as possible. The white china resting in a sea of blue.

   I feel bad pulling out jars of sauce and frozen meatballs but I could never cook as well as Jessica. Then I grab the bottle of sparkling apple cider out of the freezer and grab a couple of the fancy glasses, my mother bought us when I proposed. We laughed so loud after my mother left wondering when we would ever use it. It seems like forever ago yet it's only been eleven years. Time goes by so fast when you are spending it with the one you love.

    I grab the premade garlic bread and add some cheese to it, just the way she likes it. I check the time again. I still have a half-hour before she gets home. Not sure about what to do with my time, since dinner is heating, I decide to get changed out of my stuffy business wear. When we were first married, Jessica would make me change as soon as I got home. She hates it when I am so dressed up. As I change from the white button-up and black slacks, I think how Jessica would always comment about how the stiffness of the dark blue jeans contrasts against the soft fabric of my pink t-shirt. I honestly hate this shirt but Jessica loves it. I comb through my hair and just barely finish when I smell the garlic bread burning. Jessica never burns the bread, I really should have ordered takeout but I wanted this to be special. I feel like a failure as I look at the blackened bread. I sigh and shake off the feeling as I scrap the black off of the bread.

   Another look at the clock shows me that I only have ten minutes. Time flies when you spend so much time in your thoughts. I double-check that the food is still warm before pulling out the red velvet cupcakes from where I hid them when I dropped them off at my lunch break. They are Jessica's favorite, especially from that little bakery downtown. I drum my fingers on the countertop, not sure what to do with this little time that I have left. I have never had to do this before, normally Jessica and I go out to dinner but this year is special. I decide to make my way to the living room. The movies she picked out for tonight rest on the coffee table. She picks out the same ones every time. We must have seen them a hundred times already. A silver frame catches my eye even though there are many decorating the shelf. A glance at my watch shows that I only have five minutes. Just enough time to get lost in my memories. With the time ticking away until she gets home, I pick up the silver picture frame from the mantle. The woman in the picture is stunning. Her long red hair pulled in an elaborate updo… Her face glowing with happiness… Her green eyes speaking the love she holds for the man in the photo...She is dressed in a form-fitting white dress… My darling, Jessica… The love of my life...

  The man is a man I don't even recognize anymore... He looks happy as he looks at her… Brown eyes telling of his devotion towards her… His face is unaffected by age or sorrow… So young… They both are… We were barely out of high school when we got married. Our whole life ahead of us. Plans of kids running around the house as we lounged on the couch together in our mind as we vowed to be together forever. 

   A loud car horn shakes me out of my memories, I set the frame back down before I slowly walk to the door. I brush the tears that have started to fall as I thought back to one of the happiest days of my life and take a deep breath. A glance at the mirror shows that it isn't too obvious that I have been crying. Another deep breath and I paste a small smile on my face so I can open the door.

   It is the first Valentine's Day without you, Jessica. I miss you so much… I love you forever… I hope that what they say is true and you are in a better place… I hope you like the red roses that I placed on your grave today… I open the door and my smile widens and becomes more natural at the sight of our nine-year-old daughter, Sarah, as she runs up the steps with her red hair waving behind her, a bright red envelope in her hand. Sarah looks so much like you. It gets hard to look at her sometimes. She misses you too…