Gazing outward and inward

This is not how the story is supposed to end....

I have been having these dreams for the past few weeks, very vivid, very real and swear that I am not going to wake up. It all started about 3 weeks ago when I was settling down for the night after a satisfied evening spent curled up with my latest crime murder mystery. Apparently, I had dozed off and the book slid off of my bed onto the floor and the cat decided it was a perfect place to lie.

I heard someone calling my name early in the morning, but no one else lives with me, besides my feline. I could have sworn that it was in the dream that I was just having, but it seemed all too real and the sound got louder and louder and I felt shaken up, but finally arose and slowly got up off of the bed and crept carefully around the sleeping cat on my book still on the floor. She followed me out of the bedroom towards the living room and we both stopped.

What happened next is confusing and yes I was still very sleepy, but my cat started to growl and her hair raised off of her back and she hissed like I have never heard before. I opened my eyes real wide and saw that there were shards of glass all over the floor and I stepped on a few pieces and blood started to emit from both feet at once. I almost fell over, but thankfully the couch was nearby, so I gently sat down and looked for a cloth to wipe my feet and check for any other slivers that may have gotten into my feet. In the meantime, my cat was circling around me and she hopped up on the couch and started licking my cheek. I was dizzy with the fact that I had not realized there was anything wrong until I heard my name called, but by whom?

I noticed near the window where I sit and work there is a big oak tree that I love watching the squirrels run up and down throughout the day when I am taking a break from my day. I saw or thought I saw a reflection coming back to me and wondered, how since it was still very early in the morning and the sun was not out just yet. I forgot all about the tiny mirror I had placed on my desk which in fact was cracked. Very surprising to me, and thought maybe the cat had jumped on my desk and it fell over and broke. This little mirror is small but very heavy, so it would have been a tremendous feat if the cat had moved it herself. I looked over on the floor at all of the shards of glass and they were reflecting off of the light from the candle I lit. It was eerie, but beautiful at the same time. I noticed a pattern that seemed to form the longer I looked at it and could have sworn that I was seeing visions of myself, but I appeared to be a different person in a different time, which made no sense at all. This was the 21st century or was it?

I also started noticing that the room felt very still, there was no noise coming from anywhere. No appliances humming, no air conditioner running and no lights coming from any other devices I normally have on all of the time. It felt like I was dreaming or maybe even sleepwalking? But, I have never done that before and why now? What has brought this on all of a sudden and why at this time in my life? I am getting ready or planning to retire in the next few years and wanted to get everything in order, but something was preventing it. I have not mentioned any of these things to anyone, afraid that I was starting to lose my mind, and also have had a few headaches that felt so real, but seemed to go away as fast as they came.

I carefully moved from the couch to the bedroom and placed on a pair of slippers so I could clean up the mess in the living room and make some tea and go back to bed. I moved slowly but surely and cleaned the thousands of tiny shards that were all over the carpeting and prayed that I would be ok.

I gathered my warm, sleepy tea and crawled back into my cold bed and my cat jumped up and joined me and we laid there and finally fell asleep. I woke up several hours later and felt the sun shine through my bedroom window and knew it was time to get up and start my day. I rose and went to the kitchen to make my coffee and feed my starving cat and sat down on the kitchen chair and thought about what had happened last night. I decided I had better write what I saw and felt right away in case it happens again, or worse if something were to happen to me, then what?

I called the doctor and mentioned what I had experienced and they wanted to see me right away. They though it was a neurological condition and wanted to take x-rays and a cat scan to be sure. I agreed and showed up a few hours later and found out that I had a decent sized knot on my head which I am surprised I had not noticed or felt until then, very strange indeed. He said this could be very serious and wanted me to see a specialist. In the meantime, I started to get very frightened and thought the worst possible scenarios. Once I got home, I felt I was going to start hallucinate right then and there, and decided to sit in front of my computer and figure out what the hell was going on!

I searched for hours it seemed, but everything kept coming back to stress as the number one cause of course, that and insomnia which I was guilty of both. I have been taking so many sleeping meds over the years that maybe they finally caught up with me. I try to be so careful and not take any strong medication, but lately, I felt the need for really deep, intensive, therapeutic sleep.

I expressed my fears to the doctor and he assured me that once I was seen by the specialist, all would be just fine, but I knew better than that. I neglected to mention the voice calling my name that woke me up, because I worried that I would have to see yet another specialist to tell me that no, I am not crazy, I am just under a great deal of stress, but honestly, how many people experience something so unbelievably real, yet couldn't have been farther from the truth?

I finally decided to take into account the past few years have been difficult, losing many family members due to illness, etc., and felt a strong pull on my emotions as I cry easily. I could swear that I am being watched and not just by my feline, but have the feeling I am definitely not alone at times. It may seem comforting and I don't feel threatened, but it is a bit disturbing.

I look at myself and my reflection in the mirror everyday and can't seem to figure out when did I start looking so much like my grandmother and mother, but that is life and I have accepted it.

I can only say with true conviction, that I am 100% positive that I am sane and don't care what others think about me. I only care about what I do and that is write my heart out everyday in the best way I can that is beneficial to my whole existence.

This vision I swore I was having must have been a vivid dream, or was it???