The Smile

She reached for the remote control and turned the tv off after watching “Songs of Praise” which her son recommended for her. It was not that she was particularly religious but the program was usually set in an interesting place and today it came from Inverness in Scotland where she had been on a trip around Europe. It must be over 30 years ago now. It was just after her husband had passed on and her daughter in law was going back to see her father in Sweden. She decided to come with them as she feared the thought of being left alone and there was nothing really stopping her, except for the fear of flying. She had retired from working at the nursing home and there was a bit of money saved.

They flew to Singapore where they stopped at a hotel for a couple of days before Elizabeth got on the plane to Stockholm and James and her continued on to Paris. There was a bus tour waiting to take them around Europe for 10 days before they were to fly to Sweden and unite with Elizabeth and her father. James had arranged it all and she remembered how exited she was when they finally landed in Paris. She was seeing the sights she had dreamed about and seen in movies and when they finally came to Inverness it was a dream come true. Her grandfather came from Inverness and she always wanted to see the landscape her mother had told her so much about. She was not disappointed. It was beautiful with its soft light, deep green hills and the little town rapped in history. It was like stepping into another time and it all came back to her now as she had watched the program. She remembered how cold and damp it was even though it was in the middle of summer and she remembered the haunting mist coming in over the dark waters of Loch Ness.

The sun was shining outside the window and she looked out over the little garden James and Elizabeth had made for her. She called it her garden but it really was only a few pot plants in front of the green corrugated fence that separated her from the world outside. There were palms, geraniums, the daphne that she thought would never flower but now looked beautiful in full pink blossom, the mini sunflowers and the big umbrella tree. Then there was the hanging basket with the marigolds and orange nasturtiums. The colored lights would light up at night and it always looked so nice and comforting through the thin blind. She could watch it while she was laying it bed. She loved her garden; it gave her an interest and it was something that changed and grew with the seasons. “The kids” as she called her son and daughter in law, often changed the plants and put new flowering pots where the old ones had died. The staff liked it as well and some of them even volunteered to go out and water on the very hot days.

It was a bit early to send off the Christmas cards but she had written most of them. They were on the table ready for Elizabeth to take to the post. There were only 18 cards this year, three less than last year. Every year they became less as her friends and family passed on. She used to say she had outlived them all and that there would be nobody left to come to her funeral. There were a couple of blank cards left in her draw just in case she received a card from somebody she had not written to. Then she would hurry to send it off before they realized she had forgotten them. She never really did forget anybody but…you know, just in case.

Today was Sunday and James and Elizabeth were bringing her lunch as they usually did on a Sunday. She looked forward to eating something different than what they served up at the nursing home. The food here was not very nice and it did not help being a vegetarian as they never knew what to cook for her. The spring rolls she had yesterday were too hard to chew so she had to send them back to the kitchen and ask for a cheese sandwich. She had been eating a lot of sandwiches since she came here five years ago and a lot of soup. Today she knew she was going to get a nice meal, perhaps a prawn curry. The kids would bring their dog Toby and Elizabeth usually sat with it on the bed where it eventually fell asleep but always with an eye open in case somebody walked in and wanted to say hello. The staff made a fuss of Toby and she liked the idea of how they let visitors bring their animals with them. It made the place more homely.

The days were long, she looked forward to “the kids” visits and Mondays when The Woman’s Weekly came in the mail and she could do the crossword. She watched daytime series on tv and read the books Elizabeth brought from the library. Romance books, she liked a bit of spice. Sometimes the staff dropped in for a chat and she liked that. She got along with most of them and they enjoyed hearing her nursing stories, anything to break the monotony of the day. She could tell them stories of the old days when she would light a piece of rosemary and take with her through a ward where somebody had just died. Something to cover the bad odor. She knew how to put the staff in their place and was not scared of telling them off when they didn’t do their job correctly. It was the new staff that worried her or the ones coming from an agency. They never knew how to lift her properly and she always had to explain how to shower her and how to get her back onto the bed or the chair. Some of them did not understand English very well and that also made it hard but she was determined to get on top of things and not let anything get her down. She liked hearing the stories of their homelands and families and she felt she got to know them as real people. They became more than carers; they became her friends. She even got an invitation to a wedding, not that she thought she could make it but it was the thought that counted. The staff told her the majority of the people who got into the nursing home went downhill after a few months but she only got better and better. That was true, she was going to celebrate her 100^th birthday in February and she really did not feel ready to go just yet.

James and Ellizabeth finally arrived with little Toby and they brought a prawn curry in the plate takeaway dish. She loved the flavor; she had always liked hot food and although her appetite was not very big these days, she still managed to eat it all and even tasted a spoonful of the rice. They chatted about the usual things and she loved hearing news from their everyday life. She looked at James who never said very much and she knew he really did not like visiting the nursing home. He never smiled much either and she told him so. He said he did not like smiling anymore because he did not like showing his front teeth. “They can’t be that bad” she thought and asked him to show her. He grinned and revealed how the two front teeth had been grinded down in his sleep through the years. They were jagged and worn and only half the size of normal teeth. She thought it was terrible and told him to see the dentist. He said he had already been but it would cost a fortune to have them repaired. “I have got some money”, she said. “And I have nothing to spend it on, so have it done. I would love to see you smile before I die. I will pay for it; it is all I want for Christmas”.

The weeks passed and it was getting closer to Christmas. They sang carols in the common room and they had dressed the big tree. It only made her sad and she thought of Christmas at home and on the farm as a little girl. This was just the waiting room; deaths bus stop and they could not take that feeling away no matter how they decorated or hard they tried. She did not want to come out to the table on Christmas Day, she would have her meal in her room with her son and daughter in law. They usually brought a crayfish and a prawn cocktail. She looked forward to that and the feeling of being extra spoiled was also nice.

It was Sunday again and they sat together in her room as usual. Elizabeth asked if there was anything special she would like for Christmas. She said she could not think of anything but would let her know if she came up with something. Elizabeth thought of all the usual things, hand lotion, perfume, a book, some plants for the garden, a new blouse and it all seemed so irrelevant, somehow meaningless. Time it seems, takes everything away eventually. Then she thought of that Sunday a few weeks ago and she instantly knew what to get her.

Christmas Day brought warmth and sunshine. The crayfish tasted beautiful and was so big that she could only eat half of it and decided to save the other half to the evening. She ate a few prawns and left the brandy snaps with raspberries until after she had opened the parcels. She was just about to unwrap one of them when James leaned over to her.

“Happy Christmas Mum!”. He smiled and his front teeth looked white and perfect and she felt the joy springing through her body.

She began to laugh, he laughed along with her and the room suddenly seemed full of light.

“Thank you! It’s just what I wanted!”

Later that evening as she sat quietly in her recliner chair the smile remained on her face, on this her very last Christmas day.