31 comments

Desi Funny Contemporary

Meow, I’m Leo, a Maine Coon. From Cochin. Don’t be confused. Just know that I’m a white-brown king living with a brown bloke in a red brick house.

There are two other furballs around. I presume they were brought home before me as an experiment. They are little round Persian cats. Again, from Cochin.

Still confused? I assume you are one of those losers who just giggle and go aww… at our viral videos but don’t bother to look up our history. If so, just get off my story! I don’t want to do anything with someone with zero curiosity.

I’ll give you a moment.

In case you are still here, I’ll give you a glimpse. For, I admire tenacity.

We, the felines, travel across the continents in mysterious ways and capture hearts. All it takes for us to invade is- our moon eyes, baby talk, and a couple of rolls in the bay.

Do you feel jealous already? Ha, I am enjoying this.

Let’s get back to my story.

I told you about the brick house, the bloke, and my fellow felines. We get along with each other just fine. The Persians know they have to wait till I finish slurping the top layer of the food and have to look the other way when I use the litter. They are smart to give me a wide berth. After all, they are the size of my tail. And size matters.

My human knows my value. Of course, he has put an electric blue collar with a tracker around my neck. I’m not talking about that. I’m saying only I have the ability to make him roll on the floor to say ‘I love you’ and mean it. And I am the force that peels him off his gaming chair before his eyes get sucked into the screen. Without me, he would have already become a retired bowling ball.

Life would be too boring if it continues the same way.

Something happens. It makes things more interesting.

A phone call at night sends my fellow howling and rolling on the floor. He then packs a few things and makes another call.

“Trouble at home. Mummy no more. Daddy has to go. You be a good boy!” he whimpers in my ears as I knead his chest.

I slip into my travel cabin without much fuss. The Persians? oh they are chased, cajoled, and tricked into theirs. Soon, we are travelling with a guy who follows the blue line on the screen in front of him and delivers us to the other end of the town.

If you thought we were being taken to attend the funeral, I stand for a minute in silence for you.

 No, you gullible fool! We are delivered to another sweaty, bearded fellow. I see the same gen Y brand of sleep-starved, sunlight-deprived features on him. Yeah, I remember him dropping in a couple of times with his drawstrings tantalizingly dangling in front of him. This is my fellow’s buddy.

He receives and ushers us into his place strewn with washed and unwashed clothes, bowls of human food in various states of decay, a couple of cardboard boxes, and, wait… what is it hiding behind the curtains and biding time to slink away? A brown country cat!

The two Persians rush to make friends with him, only to be growled and pawed at. Serves them right. I take the high sofa by the window which is definitely his and rub my cheek on it. I am the lord of everything I survey; the sooner it is established, the better it will be for everyone.

By afternoon, the country cat is completely alienated and displaced. I don’t know much about history but I have heard it repeats itself if one is not careful. I am talking about animal history. He sulks and plants himself near the gate to show his nerdy human he is not happy to share his place.

The next thing I know, we are shown into an even bigger room that is completely separated from the main house. Looking at its spic and span condition, I bet it’s where the bearded fellow’s parents stay when they visit. But for now, the king bed is all mine. Our host has set up a little plastic fountain in our honour, stacked a carton full of ready-to-serve gourmet food, and placed two brand-new cardboard boxes in the room! Overwhelming hospitality…the hallmark of inferior beings. How these humans never fail to prove me right!

Over the next few days, the bearded guy treats us well. As a reward, I let him hold me in his arms. He loves it coz his shy brown loner isn’t exactly a lap cat. Like most humans, he appreciates what he doesn’t have a little more than what he has.

I enjoy the royal treatment. But miss my human. Hope he is doing okay. It’s been more than a week.

The night is young. I know what is going on in this house, across the walls. My night owl host is clacking away at his keyboard with his headphones clamping his ears. His brown cat is gliding around the mess, alternating between rolling under the bed and staring outside the window. The two Persians are goofing around, pawing each other and purring.

I roll my eyes and look at the wall. I see a shadow! The owner of the shadow doesn’t smell right.

Is that brownie watching him from his window as well? Does he have enough sense to go and head-butt his human?

What do I do? Do I need to do anything? There is this wall between us.

There is a scratchy scratch at the door.

I have to do something. For my claws’ sake. It’s been a while since I put them to good use.

I slide through the window that is cracked open. Jump outside. Lunge at the bent form, dig my claws into his shoulders, and start biting at his neck. He yelps in pain and runs out of the open gate. I yowl.

A few moments later the door bursts open. My host steps out, scoops me up, and coos,

“What happened, Leo? Had a nightmare?” and strolls down to the gate and closes it without raising a brow!

What’s wrong with him? Does he have no instinct? Or at least common sense? A cat having a nightmare at night? Clearly, even the ones who live with us don’t know much about us.

And that smug brown loser! I’m not sure whether he went in and warned his human, but he sure as hell witnessed my heroic act. But true to his character, he doesn’t acknowledge it, let alone appreciate it!

I’m glad to get back to my human a couple of days later. Clearly, he too has missed us. Boy! it does feel good to be back in my kingdom.

Once in a while, I reminisce about the goodbye I received from my bearded host. It was a beautiful sight; tears flowed down his grubby face. Not because of the dust brought by a gust of wind as brownie insinuated, but as he had grown too fond of me.

I don’t blame him. I’m yet to meet a human who is immune to my charm!


March 02, 2023 08:22

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31 comments

Delbert Griffith
09:19 Mar 03, 2023

This was probably the best inner dialogue of a cat (cat-alogue?) tale I've read. Stellar! My favorite line: "Like most humans, he appreciates what he doesn’t have a little more than what he has." The cat's observations about humans is amazingly insightful, and these insights are both funny and sad. I also love the judgment of the other cats. Yes, there is a hierarchy and I am at the top! Lovely stuff. Nicely done, Suma. Nicely done, indeed.

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Suma Jayachandar
15:09 Mar 03, 2023

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, Delbert! You are just so kind.

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Michał Przywara
23:23 Mar 02, 2023

The cat voice is strong in this piece. I think the line that stood out the most for me was "I am the lord of everything I survey; the sooner it is established, the better it will be for everyone." This attitude, this (over?) confidence, this vague threat, is everything. Almost everything. While Leo disdains lesser cats and upholds the regal position he is due, he does have a soft spot for his humans. Enjoyable :)

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Suma Jayachandar
05:36 Mar 03, 2023

Believe me, a cat is the absolute master of any place he sets foot in! Michal, this is my third cat story on this platform and I had to put myself out there with ‘funny’ genre if I didn’t want to repeat myself. And it wasn’t as easy as you make it look with your work😅 So, I’ll take ‘enjoyable’ uptick from you gladly. Thanks for reading.

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Lily Finch
22:54 Mar 02, 2023

Suma, the "nailed it" button has been pushed. Purrfectly done! As only a cat would meow! One small error maybe? he doesn’t acknowledge it, leave alone appreciate it! - after a negative statement it is usually let alone - I think?

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Suma Jayachandar
05:30 Mar 03, 2023

Hey Lily, Thanks for the vote of confidence! And for the edit. Appreciate it!

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Lily Finch
17:31 Mar 03, 2023

You are so welcome! LF6.

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Wendy Kaminski
15:59 Mar 02, 2023

So very cat! haha :) This was great, Suma - you definitely have the personality down-pat! I liked the interesting spin on the cats having a new territory for a while, too! Favorites: - with his drawstrings tantalizingly dangling in front of him - hehe nice touch! - Overwhelming hospitality…the hallmark of inferior beings. How these humans never fail to prove me right! - lol oh boy, this guy...! Such a fun story, thanks for sharing it! :)

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Suma Jayachandar
05:24 Mar 03, 2023

Thanks Wendy, for your encouraging comment. You have a lovely way of validating a fellow writer’s work and it’s a joy to go through your review☺️ Much appreciated!

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Irene Duchess
02:19 Mar 15, 2023

hehe. I really enjoyed this. -And I am the force that peels him off his gaming chair before his eyes get sucked to the into screen -Does he have no instinct? Or at least common sense? A cat having a nightmare at night? definitely got the 'cat mind' captured in this. :D

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Suma Jayachandar
08:04 Mar 15, 2023

I’m glad you enjoyed this Lilah. I had great fun writing it.

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Cindy Strube
18:36 Mar 10, 2023

Aww, we chose the same breed! I love King Leo, the “white-brown king living with a brown bloke in a red brick house”. Looking out for his people—even his temporary caretaker, who is all unaware of an almost-event… The little hints and observances that Leo makes, are so sweetly superior, but still deeply caring. Charming!

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Suma Jayachandar
05:21 Mar 11, 2023

Cindy, Such a lovely comment! I have head to your story now☺️

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Cinema Pranthan
14:46 Mar 10, 2023

Kadha pwolichu chechiiiii

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Suma Jayachandar
16:01 Mar 10, 2023

Thank you!

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Susan Catucci
01:29 Mar 09, 2023

Beautiful, Suma. You have worked your magic once again and I, who have never owned a cat - birds have a way of precluding the desire, if it ever came about - though my fascination remains, and why not. I think you have taught me more about the ways of the feline than the internet might ever offer. Just a few favorites: "Without me, he would have already become a retired bowling ball." (I can't imagine where this phrase might originate but I appreciate the implication beyond words!) "I am the Lord of everything I survey; the sooner it ...

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Suma Jayachandar
12:34 Mar 09, 2023

Susan! What can I say to such generosity from you. I like your comment more than my story. Thank you so much for your unflinching support and encouragement, always.

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Kathryn Kahn
22:33 Mar 07, 2023

I enjoyed this story very much, Suma. I especially like how the narrator-cat's personality is so clear from how he talked. (thought?)

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Suma Jayachandar
05:33 Mar 08, 2023

Kathryn, It’s so nice of you to drop by and leave a comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the cat-alogue. Thank you!

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15:40 Mar 07, 2023

I felt like I was reading a (tail)tale written by my own cat! Sharp prose, captivating. My favorite line is “ Without me, he would have already become a retired bowling ball.” Which is exactly how my cats must feel…especially when they’re distracting us away from our smartphones! Loved the hero’s heroic actions and the perfect ending. Well done.

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Suma Jayachandar
05:31 Mar 08, 2023

Hi Christopher, Thank you so much for such high praise. Especially coming from a writer like you with an impeccable sense of humour. I value it a lot. It’s heartening to hear this tale was relatable to many pet parents. A Purrrfect reward for my effort!

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Nathaniel Miller
00:27 Mar 06, 2023

Great story, Suma! I actually enjoyed this cat narrative, and that's saying a lot... personally not at all a huge fan of animal-narrated stories. You did a great job on this one; I really liked how the one-dimensional Persian cats supplemented the story. They added some nice comedic levity and were quite a nice touch. I also liked the mc; feels like a realistic representation of what cats might think. The way in which this cat is pretentious to a totally unsubstantiated level just works. And I liked how you continued those themes throughou...

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Suma Jayachandar
04:42 Mar 06, 2023

Nathaniel, Thank you so much for the read and the fabulous comment. I'm glad I could convince you to read an animal-narrated story. Unfortunately, it's already benched. So no hope for a win in the competition. Hey, but who cares? With a read and a comment like this I have already won:)

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Roger Scypion
08:45 Mar 05, 2023

A great story from the cat's perspective. Insightful, you know your cats. Well written, well done and engaging!

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Suma Jayachandar
14:10 Mar 05, 2023

Thank you for your kind words. Appreciate it!

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Zack Powell
15:46 Mar 04, 2023

Oh, how I love stories that are full of voice, and this most definitely qualifies. What a character Leo is. So sassy, so opinionated, so egotistical - my favorite qualities to read about. I was laughing at his commentary throughout. The thing I like about stories like this that are written from an animal's perspective are the nuggets of truth along the way. Things like "Like most humans, he appreciates what he doesn’t have a little more than what he has." There's something really beautiful about an animal being able to articulate something ...

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Suma Jayachandar
05:44 Mar 05, 2023

Glad to know you found it fun and could relate to my sense of humour, Zack. It's a big deal for me, as I often wonder if what I find 'funny' resonates with others or is it just me😂 Thanks a ton for the read and your kind comment that is full of encouragement. I'm always greedy for it.

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Sally Jupe
14:45 Mar 04, 2023

Oh this was wonderful Suma. I loved the way your story usurped humans for the actually being the lesser beings that we think we are not around cats. As an owner of ordinary Maine Coones, Persians and moggies, all living with us together, so I instantly recognised the swagger, love and intelligence that you portrayed so well in Leo. Thank you for showing me the quality of a great story.

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Suma Jayachandar
05:45 Mar 05, 2023

Sally, This is such a heartfelt and generous comment! Thank you so much for the read.

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Calm Shark
16:58 Mar 03, 2023

Hello Suma. I love how the cat is breaking the fourth wall and how confident and maybe a bit sassy the cat is. It really does depict what a normal cat would think which is really nice to see. Thank you for this story, Suma. It really cheered me up.

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Suma Jayachandar
05:31 Mar 04, 2023

Hi Shark, Thank you so much for reading and leaving a wonderful comment. I’m happy to know it cheered you up!

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