Is it really worth the wait?

Here I am, waiting. Palms are sweaty, pits are sweaty, heart is racing. Thoughts keep running around in my head and I don't know how much longer I can wait. With each passing second my heart grows unsure. Unsure if I'm making the right decision, unsure if this whole thing will work out, unsure if I'm ready. Everyone around me seems so happy, so sure about things. They're eyes are full of awe. We're all waiting but I seem to be the only one aware that we are. The sun seems to be shining extra bright today. Like it's shining a natural spotlight on what's about to happen. The trees seem to be dancing and the birds singing their favorite tune. And yet here I am regretting. Regretting something that I was so sure about a couple months ago. How is it that in just thirty minutes I can convince myself this is all a mistake when three years of joy made me so sure. I can't help but wonder what she's thinking. Is she unsure? How long have we been waiting? The suspense is killing me and I'm wondering, is it worth the wait? I mean she's always been worth the wait. Every single date she promises she would be on time but never once was. The first couple months I hated it. Why couldn't she ever be on time? Was she trying to cut our time short? And even when she would explain that it wasn't the case at all I still got frustrated. How could someone be so passionate about someone else and still end up running late every single time. Then we moved in together and my whole perspective changed. I was messy, hogged the T.V., and spent more time with my Xbox than I was aware of. She was happy to put up with my imperfections but I wasn't of hers. I felt guilty for ever wanting to break-up with her solely for that reason. Now here I am waiting again. But this time it's all for a different reason. Deep down inside I know I'm ready, I knew from the first date I was ready. I knew when she learned the lyrics to all my favorite songs so she could sing along. I knew the first time she was late but still brought me flowers to make up for it. I knew when she made me wait for our first kiss to make it memorable.

Here I am, making everyone wait. I can't do this. Why did I think I was ready. I don't know what to do. I know everyone is staring and I guess that' what's supposed to happen. But, I can't help but wonder if 3 years of complete happiness justifies what we're about to do. I mean by the books we're on the right path but the books always end here. What happens after? The waiting is killing everyone including me. The longer I wait the more regret. I wonder what he's thinking? Am I really worth the wait? At first I didn't think I was. All my past relationships proved that to me. It's not like I purposely make myself late. Sometimes I get so anxious to leave I leave a little later than I expect. And other times I just forget. I get so caught up in life, in memorizing my boyfriends favorite music, in finding the perfect flowers, that sometimes I arrive a little late. Other times I make him wait on purpose. First kisses should be waited for, first hand holding too. If he wasn't willing to wait until I was ready then he simply isn't someone worth my time. After a couple months I almost thought he wanted to break up because of it. I knew he didn't want to but he couldn't grasp the concept of why I was always late. Until we moved in together. I put up with a lot but he was worth it. That's when he understood why I was too. Deep down inside I knew he knew I was worth the wait. And now here we are. Maybe now I am pushing the buttons a little, poor man is probably sweating bullets.

Finally she emerges from behind the curtains. Everyone turns and their eyes glow like they're witnessing an angel walking down the aisle. All the unsure thoughts, the possible regret, all of that evaporates like it was never even there. I was so sure in this moment that she is the best thing that could happen. All the waiting she put me through and all the future waiting she'll put me through will never take away from this moment. I could see her worries drift away just as mine did. She looked absolutely stunning walking down that aisle. I swear she was walking in slow motion which gave me even more time to take in the moment. Being kept waiting just makes me enjoy all the moments that much more.

Finally I walk down the aisle. I've dreamed of this moment forever, and boy was it worth the wait. Everyone is looking at me like I just won a Nobel Peace prize. But he, he is looking at me like he never has before. As I see his hesitation melt away mine melts right with his. I was so sure in this moment and nothing could take it away from me. His reactions to my imperfections in the past will never take away from this moment. I think he'll thank me later for teaching him patience. I also walked a little slower just so he could take it all in. I know it's cliche but waiting makes memorable moments that much sweeter.

I realized she is really worth waiting for. I don't know why I ever questioned it.

I realized I am worth waiting for and realized sometimes others who value you most need time to understand that.

"Our willingness to wait revels the value we place on what we're waiting for" -Charles Stanely