Not a Resolution

CJ always loved being active. She had long, bright red hair, green eyes, and she was tall with an athletic build. When CJ was 12 years old, her friend Amy pulled her into the bathroom and offered her a cigarette. “You know what this is called, right?” She said as she put the cigarette in her mouth.

“A puff?”

Amy shook her head. “It’s called a drag.” She said as she lugged her feet across the floor. “You should try it.” CJ tilted her head to the side and plucked the cigarette from Amy’s fingers. She shrugged and took a drag.

The young woman didn’t touch another cigarette until she was in high school where everyone else was smoking so she went with the flow. She took a brief hiatus when she was pregnant and didn’t pick it up again until her daughter was two years old. Throughout the years, she tried multiple times to stop because she knew how unhealthy it was. CJ just needed the proper motivation. She tried to quit due to societal pressure. She tried to quit because of the immense pressure put upon her by her daughter, however no reason seemed strong enough to quit permanently. The daily hassles of life always overcame her desire to quit smoking.

As she got older, her love of exercise grew, and she got a membership at a gym with a pool. That burning sensation in her muscles as she lifted weights, swam laps, ran on the treadmill, or rode the bike made her feel alive. There was almost nothing she loved more than the wonderful feeling she had after completing her workout.

After a night at the gym, she enjoyed a hot shower that washed away all the sweat from her cardio. Once she felt clean again, she dried her body, wrapped her hair in a towel, and got dressed. Before leaving, she brushed her hair and packed up her things. CJ tossed her winter coat on, which almost made her sweat enough to want another shower, but she knew it was too cold outside to not wear it.

She stepped out of the gym on this frosty November night and lit up a cigarette as she sat on the hood of her car. She had purchased it brand new two years ago, and she had vowed to never smoke in it. There she was sitting in subzero temperatures just to smoke. She clutched her coat tightly as a breeze cut through her like a hot knife through butter, which made her feel like her very bones were completely frozen. CJ took a large drag of her cigarette and choked on the smoke and cold air before letting the smoke out and into the air. CJ flicked some ashes into the nearby snow dune. She placed the filter to her lips and paused. Thoughts of how great she felt after a good workout rushed into her head. She pulled it away as the smoke flowed like a river into the sky. This isn’t healthy. She thought to herself as she threw the cigarette into the snow. CJ wanted to be healthy, but if she were going to do that, she had to quit smoking. For good.

She decided that she was going to have her last cigarette at 11:59 on December 31^st. “It’s not a New Year’s Resolution because nobody keeps those,” she declared to her daughter.

New Year’s Eve was spent at home watching a Disney movie marathon and some junk food with her daughter. The two sang every song together and enjoyed gorging on popcorn, candy, and soda. This was the only way CJ would ever dream of closing out this year. Before they knew it, it was 11:50, and they halted the marathon in order to tune in to New York’s celebration. CJ lit up and made sure to take her time with the last smoke.

She could feel her daughter’s eyes digging into the side of her head. “Don’t judge me. This is my last one.” CJ said.

“In the pack?” Lily said with a chuckle.

“No, punk. I already told you, I’m quitting.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

CJ sighed and awaited midnight. As she watched the ball drop, she crushed her final cigarette in the ashtray and never looked back.

When she awoke the next morning, it was officially a new year, and the lack of nicotine gave CJ stress-fueled energy. Everything smelled like smoke, and she couldn’t stand it. She had to deep clean her apartment. She vacuumed. She mopped. She was tempted to set the couch ablaze and start fresh, but she decided that would be too costly. Instead, she cleaned it the best she could.

One day, her daughter saw CJ standing on the couch scrubbing the walls. “Mom, what are you doing?” She shouted. “Cleaning the walls?”

“Lily, look at this!” She cried as she pulled the paper towel away and showed her daughter that it had turned yellow. “That’s nicotine! Who knows how many people have smoked in this house?” She sighed. “We should just move.” She declared as she collapsed on the couch.

“Somewhere no one has ever smoked?”

CJ chuckled. “I suppose that would be a challenge.” She tossed a roll of paper towels to Lily, “Here, why don’t you help?”

“Pass.” She said as she walked away. CJ rolled her eyes and continued to scrub the walls until they were white again.

After many years of continuing to be active, CJ’s lungs were so healthy it was as if she had never picked up a cigarette in her lifetime. She has come such a long way in everything. She lives in a house she is proud to be paying the mortgage on, and she has the healthiest diet you’ve ever seen. CJ takes such great care of her body, she is often asked where she gets her motivation to which she always replies with the same answer, “it’s all a frame if mind. If you want something badly enough, you just do it. It’s that simple.”