One Word, Dysfunctional

Autumn Hart and I were scientists for the United States of America. We were trying to make a wormhole to teleport us across the universe.

It was the year 2030 and Autumn Hart and I celebrated because of our success in making the perfect wormhole.

“It works. It works!” Autumn Hart cried. We hugged, celebrating that we were successful. However, our celebration ended abruptly. The wormhole wasn’t stable, and before we could find out what was happening, it sucked us inside.

The wormhole spat us out five feet in the air. We landed on top of each other, grunted from the pain that came when our bodies crashed together. Once our pain was gone, we noticed that we were not on Earth anymore, but on another planet, in another universe. Autumn Hart sighed. “I’m not surprised. I knew this would happen.” She said. Her voice sounded gloomy. I could tell that she had reluctantly accepted our intolerant fate before even accepting the fact that we weren’t on Earth anymore. How could she be so accepting so fast? I didn’t want to lose my cool and panic because Autumn Hart wasn’t panicking, but I wanted to.

To ease my mind, we examined our surroundings. We were shocked because snow fell, despite the fact that the sun was right next to the planet. The sun was so close that we could literally walk a few feet and touch it. How was it that this planet and the sun were so close, and yet have not collided into each other?  “How can it be snowing when the sun’s right there?” Autumn Hart was puzzled. She raised her hand, stepped forwarded and touched the sun. After a few seconds, she twisted her hand around, moved it to another area, twisted it around again, and then dropped it back to her side. “There isn’t any heat.” She stated plainly. “This sun isn’t hot at all.” I copied and felt the sun too. “How can this sun give off light without heat?” she paused before asking, “What universe are we in?” I shook my head.

“It doesn’t look like this planet is rotating around the sun or visa versa. Does this planet even carry life?” I questioned. My heart raced. This universe was too different from ours.

Autumn Hart stared indifferently at me. “Are you serious right now? You’re seriously questioning this? We just got sucked into a wormhole and then transported deep into space, trapped in another universe probably galaxies away from ours and you want to question whether or not this planet has life?”

“And you don’t?”

“No! Who’s going to answer any of my questions? You? James, we’re in another universe where nothing makes sense. For all we know, pigs can fly here and it’ll be considered normal.” Autumn Hart threw both arms up in the air and then let them drop back down again against her legs lazily. I stared at the sun. Finally, she panicked about our situation. If she continued to have accepted our fate, I probably would have lost my mind for her.

We walked away from the sun to look for life. We didn’t find anything. The only thing this planet had going for it was the breathable atmosphere and the gravity.

It wasn’t long before the snow covered the ground and both Autumn Hart and I shivered as we searched for a place to hide from the insane weather.

“Ugh,” She moaned. “I wouldn’t even go Christmas shopping in this kind of weather.”

“What type of weather would you prefer to Christmas shop in?” I was bored; why not make conversation before we froze to death.

“Dry snow, according to some people, dry snow is soft.”

“What would you buy?” I asked to keep the conversation alive.

“I would buy things that I need and then I would buy gifts.” She cleared. “If there was a store nearby, I would get jackets, gloves, winter boots, hats, extra gloves, extra pants, extra shirts, underwear, extra underwear, extra hats, jackets, weapons, ammo, things like that. You never know what we will run into, so it is best that we are prepared right the first time.” She hugged herself tighter. I laughed.

“You’re a conscientiousness person!” I shouted.

“What?”

“You’re a careful, well organized person. That’s a good thing.”

“How can you tell that I’m this type of person?” she was curious.

“By your shopping list, it has a lot of extra things on it.”

“And you’re not a careful, well-organized person?” she asked.

“Nope, I would go into the store, see nice stuff and buy it. I wouldn’t even think about buying needed stuff” Autumn Hart snared. “You seriously would not buy a jacket if there was a store right here in front of us right now? Say we were on our way to your parents’ house for Christmas and you needed to buy gifts, but you didn’t have a jacket and you were cold. You would not buy a jacket first, and then gifts later?”

“Nope, I would buy the gifts first, walk out of the store into the cold and then back into the store, and then buy the jacket because I probably forgot about it after seeing something that I knew my loved one would love. What can I say, I’m a loving person.” I smiled.

“More like a stupid person if you ask me.” Autumn Hart whispered.

“What?”

“Oh my goodness, look!” She exclaimed, while she pointed at the ground. I turned around and saw that I wasn’t leaving any footprints in the snow. Neither did Autumn Hart. As we walked in the fresh fallen snow, we weren’t leaving any footprints. This planet just kept getting weirder and weirder. I took two steps forward and watched my steps. We walked on top of the thick snow, not making a single foot print. “This is too weird.” I started. “The snow is thick. How are we not leaving footprints?”

“Us not leaving footprints makes as much senses as there being a log cabin over there.” Autumn Hart said with a bland voice. I couldn’t tell if she was serious or not. I mean, I can believe we weren’t leaving footprints as we walked, but a log cabin all the way out here in the middle of another universe was a bit hard to believe? I looked up. She was right, there was a cabin. “Well, what do you know? And look, there’s a fire going.” I pointed to the smoky chimney.

We ran to the front door of the log cabin and banged on it.

“Wait a minute, just wait one minute.” An elderly man answered the door; he did not seem surprised to see us. “Well, hello,” he greeted in a neighborly voice. “How can I help you?”

“Uh . . . may we come in?” I struggled to say as Autumn Hart and I did a side to side dance to keep warm. The elderly old man let us in.

           Once we were inside, our host gave us hot chocolate and blankets to warm our cold bodies. “Sit as close to the fire as you can. Winter here is a beast.” He kindly warned. Autumn Hart stared at her cup and then at the old man.

“Who are you and how did you get here?” she ran her thumb around the lip of the coffee cup, licked her lips and waited for a reply. She suspected something.

“My name is Fred Imogene. I am here to examine the plant life, basically to see how the plants react to this atmosphere.” I had to know the answer since there weren’t any plants here. I gave Autumn Hart a side look as I asked, “And the answer to that would be?”

The elderly man chuckled. “There isn’t any planet life. Nothing can survive on a planet that’s always under a pile of snow.” He chuckled again. We wondered what was funny; we missed the joke.

“How did you get here? Just today we figured out how to make a wormhole” She continued to ask.

Fred Imogene heaved a sigh. “My country figured out the wormhole situation years before today. My job was to test it. But something went wrong and I ended up here” Fred sat in an arm chair across from us near the fire. Autumn Hart narrowed her eyes at him. I could tell that she did not believe him. “Why haven’t we heard anything in the news about the first wormhole being built? Also, I thought you said that you were here to examine the plant life?” Fred chuckled nervously and then exhaled with an annoyed sigh. “Young lady, do I look like I have the answer to your first question?” he motioned for us to look around and remember where we are. “Do you think anyone will remember you opening the wormhole today?”

 Fred Imogene’s statement made Autumn Hart so mad that she didn’t notice that he had diverted from her second question. Instead, she just thrashed her cup at him. Fred didn’t try to dodge it either. The elderly man watched as the hot chocolate spilled onto the floor, inches in front of him. The hot beverage missed him completely, even though Autumn Hart had thrown it with full force. “Young lady, I think you need to calm down.” He calmly suggested. Fred didn’t seem to mind that Autumn Hart’s billingsgate was toward him. 

“You want me to calm down? How can I be calm?” She angrily proclaimed. I personally did not know why she was angry with him. When I saw the elderly man sit serenely in his armchair, I thought he understood Autumn Hart’s pain, but he didn’t. He waited patiently for the planet to shake.

“What’s that? Why is the planet shaking?” I asked. I tried to keep Autumn Hart on top of her feet, but the planet’s movement was too strong and it knocked us both to the ground. We braced ourselves.

“Fred, what are you doing?” Autumn Hart blamed. She completely hated this old man.

“I’m not doing anything. You see, this planet is a funny planet. It’s a flat planet . . .”

“A flat planet?!” We both questioned simultaneously.

“Yes, a flat planet. When there is too much snow on one side, it flips to dump the snow off.” Our eyes widen. “It flips? What does that mean for us?” I asked.

Fred smiled. “It means . . .” We watched as he strapped himself to his armchair. “That you better hold on.”

Autumn Hart and I braced ourselves on the ground as the planet continued to shake. “I think you two should sit in those chairs over there and strap in.” Fred suggested. Without hesitation, we obeyed; we strapped ourselves in the chairs just as the planet flipped. I closed my eyes and listened as the snow rolled off of the planet and into the unknown. We stayed upside down for a few seconds before the planet flipped back right side up again. When everything was calm again, Autumn Hart and I sat wide eyed, bodies stiffed, and hands trembling.

“What on Earth was that all about?” I whispered. My heart raced in my chest. What other surprises did this planet have in stored for us? Fred laughed at us. He laughed loud and hard. He even slapped his knee as he unstrapped himself from his chair. “I bet after all of that you two are hungry, huh?” I stared at Fred. I didn’t consider him as our enemy, but a lonely old man. “I sure am.” I voiced. Autumn Hart glared at me as Fred left the room.

“But kisser,” she started. “You’re fawning. You’re fawning so hard. Can you stop fawning?”

“What on Earth are you talking about?”

“You’re kissing the enemy’s butt.”

“That’s not what that word means,” I educated her. She grunted louder and unbuckled herself.

“You’re trying to seek favor now, so you won’t have to grovel for your life later when he’s about to kill us.”

“Autumn, I think you’re naturally crazy. He’s not going to kill us. He never even given that notation . . . ever. Where did you even get that from, him wanting to kill us?” I ask. Autumn Hart spat on the floor in front of me. We watched, not surprised when the spit changed directions and rolled into the fire.

Fred stuck his head out of the kitchen. “I hope the two of you like roast beef”  

“No,” Autumn Hart answered.

“Yes,” I answered. He smiled and then returned to the kitchen.

“I don’t trust him. He lied to us.” She went back to our conversation. I ignored her, looked out of the window and saw that the snow was falling slower than before. “Why is the snow falling slower than before?” I yelled.

“Don’t know. I haven’t been able to figure that one out yet.” Fred answered as he held a huge pot with a roast inside. He placed it on the table and watched as we gathered around to eat. We were starving.

“Where did this meat come from?” Autumn Hart questioned. I rolled my eyes.

“Does it matter Miss Don’t question everything in a weird universe.” I teased.

“Let’s eat.” Fred said as we watched as him fixed our plates. Autumn Hart had her suspicions about him, but that did not stop her from eating the man’s cooking. I elbowed her playfully. She mouthed “He’s going to kill you” to me. I rolled my eyes again. This chick was crazy.

“So tell me Fred, have you figured out how to get back home?” Autumn Hart asked.

“Yes,” Fred stood, walked to a shelf, grabbed a huge, chunky remote and then returned to the table. “I made this control a few weeks ago. It should open up a new wormhole.” I smacked my tongue. Fred’s food was good. “Why haven’t you used it yet?” I questioned, but Fred was quiet. “Are you okay?” Fred cleared his throat.

 “Time for dessert, I will go get it.” He quickly got up from the table and went to the kitchen.  

“Something isn’t right with Fred.” Autumn Hart voiced.

“That’s what you said when we first met him.”

“James, we will die if you were in charge.”

“Who wants dessert?” Fred asked as he placed an ice cream bowl on the table. Without hesitation, I fixed us a bowl. At first, Autumn Hart was reluctant to eat hers, but then after she examined it for a while, she came to the conclusion that it was okay to eat.

“Fred, you’re welcome to . . . co . . . wit . . . pie . . . ne . . .” The world began to spin. I stared at Autumn Hart; she looked like a swisher of swishes. The swirls and lines that defined her mushed together and her image was just one big blob before everything went black.

I woke up to Autumn Hart yelling.

“You better let us go right now.”

“No,” Fred laughed. “I need to test the wormhole.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa Fred,” I voiced as I tried to free myself. He had us tied up. “You can’t test the wormhole on us. What if it kills us?” Fred walked over to me. His face was inches away from mine.

“Who else can test it?” he questioned.

“You!” both Autumn Hart and I yelled. But Fred ignored our suggestion. He clicked a few buttons on the controller and opened up a blue wormhole. “Scream loud if it burns you alive.” But before he could kick us inside, the flat planet rumbled and flipped knocking all three of us into the blue wormhole. The hole dropped us into a cool damp bunker. “James,” Autumn Hart called. “This looks like our laboratory.” We searched the room and came to the conclusion that it was the laboratory we worked at. “Why does it look abandon?” I asked. Fred handed me an old newspaper. “It’s abandon because it’s the year 3020, looks like there’s a time difference between the two universes.” Autumn Hart panicked.

“You mean, we’re in the future in our universe, even though we were only in that other universe for hours?”

“Looks like it.” Fred answered. I sighed, grabbed Fred’s wormhole controller and walked toward the room’s door.

“Where are you going?” Fred quizzed.

“To find a scientist and to show them our discovery,” They both stared at me like I had lost my mind. I just smiled at them. "Guys, we just found the fountain of youth."