Polygamy, Blended, Single Parent Families Which Is Correct?

Everyone seems to know me here. What the hell is this place? I don't remember a thing. How is that possible? I must be at least 50 years old. Examining myself in the mirror, I see I'm beyond my youth.

Was I ever younger? How would I know?

Once I leave the house, I see the people across the street wave. I've grown accustomed to answering to the name "Jorgé," but why is it not for my comfort but to ease the minds of everyone around me?

There isn't one thing that looks like I should recognize anything. I'm not exactly sure who I occupy this dwelling with, but they say, "We're family," and that "I'm one of the best dads around."

I laugh inside because I don't remember becoming a dad or wishing to become involved in a family. I leave the house one day and head to the local library.

The woman there called a librarian, of all things. She asked me if I had forgotten my library card and if I would like to leave the books I found behind the counter with her so Judy could pick them up later today.

I won't be taking any books home because I can no longer remember what I'm accustomed to reading. To be honest, I didn't know I read at all. There was much research to find out what part I played within "the family unit."

At first glance, I struggled to find any information that I saw as relevant to my situation.

According to Sociology Today, I looked into many books and discovered 11 types of families. I wrote them down to understand who my neighbours and family members who didn't live with me may be a part of without knowing it.

Family types: I'd like to know who thinks the nuclear family is the ideal family structure. I'm sure other members from other kinds of families may disagree. The extended family includes relatives. A stepfamily includes blended families, where there must be a mix of "his" and "hers" and "hers" and "hers.” A matrifocal family is a family in which the mother is the head. A Hindu joint family is a family with multiple nuclear units. Just the name of this one challenged me. A vertically extended family contains numerous generations. Most people can relate to a multi-generational family. A stem family is an intergenerational household. I had to look up more information to understand it fully.  A lone-parent family is a single-parent household where only one parent raises the children. A same-sex family is a family where couples of the same sex raise a family together.  An asymmetrical family is one of the roles of equal sharing. In a matriarchal family, the authority of mothers is honoured and respected. Patrifocal family where the father is the focus. The patriarchal family is the male authority structure. An egalitarian family has equal power dynamics. The compound family is a polygamous household.

As a result of my research, I left the library more confused than when I entered the place. I knew which type of family I had, but I wasn't sure why. Was that the person I chose to marry? Did I prefer women to men? How did I know? Was I attracted to women?

"When I went to college," my son asked me. Did I go to college? For what? Why wasn't I working if I studied something at school to work as an adult?

I had more questions than answers and couldn't even ask family members, who, according to my research, were the only people I could trust to tell me the truth. I was completely lost. I was right back in stage one, no further ahead than when I woke up this morning.

I searched the house for something that would show me more about myself and my relationships with family and friends. Some guy named Eddie was my "best friend." What the heck was that, and why was he the one I called my "best friend?" What did he know about me that others didn't? And was I comfortable telling him what was going on with me?

Was he a better friend than my wife? How do I know? Flip a coin? Ask them? Of course, if I did, they would both insist they were closer to me than the other. That pursuit was fruitless.

It wasn't until my mother visited that it all fell into perspective.

"Jorgé, friends come and go. Make new friends but keep the old, for one is silver and the other gold."

"Yes, mother, but what does that mean for me?"

"Eddie's been around forever, in and out of our home since you were in grade two. But when you find silver and gold together, that's time to find a new silver and gold. Don't you think?"

Things began to fall into place. Eddie's wife, family, and I went to a cottage for the Christmas vacation. We thought renting a yacht and going out on the river would be a great idea. Eddie gets headaches, so he begged off. My wife had gone into town and called to tell us that she would be late since she had gotten a bit further away from the cabin than she thought she would go.

We decided to take the kids and go because we didn't want to disappoint them. Suddenly, I felt uneasy and requested to be dropped off at the closest shoreline to the cabin.

I jumped off the yacht and pulled out my compass, but I didn't let on that I had a tracker on my wife's or Eddie's phone. I hiked the two miles back to the cabin and peered through the window. I saw my wife and Eddie in bed screwing me and his wife over as they screwed one another. The world's best-kept secret until today.

I opened the cabin door and snuck back inside. I sat in a chair right outside the door so that when it opened, neither one could miss me.

Eddie opened the door, and my wife stepped out naked and said over her shoulder, "I'll get us some juice, okay?"

My eyebrows raised, and I nodded my head.

She stopped cold. Didn't try to cover herself since we'd both seen her naked by now.

"I can explain," she started to say.

"Who are you talking to?" Eddie asked.

"Oh...him," Eddie said.

"Yeah, me. Remember me?" I pointed. "You made a vow to me. And you, you've known me since we've been in elementary school. What gives? How could you two do this to me and Marcie?"

"It wasn't planned," my wife said.

"I bet it wasn't," I said. "But here we are. You two better get dressed because Marcie and the kids will return anytime. I don't care what you both do to me, but there are children and someone else involved here who don't deserve to be treated this way."

My wife cried. Eddie cried. I didn't. I grabbed a beer and went out onto the deck. There, I remained and kept drinking and drinking until we left for home.

You see, forgetting about it would have been a relief. I genuinely think I could have accomplished it if my mother hadn't abruptly shattered my illusions. Before I could do anything, I heard on the radio as I sat on my backyard deck, "Woman shoots husband and lover in a twisted friendship relationship, then shoots herself."

Eddie, Marcie, and my kids lived with me three months later as a blended family, and I was a single parent. When my kids ask how that happened, I don't have an answer except to say that polygamous families didn't work for Marcie, and she reacted poorly to the discovery when faced with that prospect. But that's not what we dwell on. We dwell on what we like about our family.

We love and trust one another unconditionally.